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light study of a referenced Vivienne Westwood 2010 Autumn floral dress i believe. took liberties with the design because i’m lazy.
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I thought this was funnier than I should have
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So I coloured in this gif just to see how it’d look….
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Looks about right to me.

She selling ???
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I’m suddenly laughing at the idea of a cliche noir detective story written in the brutally concise style of Hemingway.

A woman walked into my office. She had legs. I noticed her legs. “I have a problem. I need your help,” she said. They always said that. I knew her legs weren’t the problem. I hoped she might want my help with them anyhow.

“Can you pay?” I asked. Of course she could. Her shoes were worth more than my rent. She could pay.
“I can pay,” she said. Her eyes were wet. I wondered if anything else was wet. Probably not. I am not handsome. Not since the war.
She was looking at my scar. Lots of people do. Most look away. Not her. She did not look away. She looked at my scar and I looked at her legs. There were two of them. I liked that about her. I liked that a whole lot.
“Will there be danger?” I asked. There always is. This city bleeds danger, then drinks it right back up again.

“I’m afraid there might be danger,” she said. She had the voice of a beautiful woman. She also had the face and body of a beautiful woman. She was beautiful.

The light from the window was striped. It made stripes on my cigarette smoke. The end of my cigarette crumbled into ash. My marriage had also crumbled into ash.

“I can handle danger,” I said. I patted the butt of my gun. My gun was a Colt. My gun and my scar were all that was left from my time as a soldier. My gun, my scar, and the nightmares. I looked her up and down. “I am good at handling things.”

“It’s about my husband. He’s gone missing.”

She was not wearing a ring. It means something when a woman does not wear a wedding ring. Usually, it means that she is not married. “Seems your ring has also gone missing,” I said. I hoped her dress would join it.

Her red mouth curved upwards. She was smiling a little. “I don’t wear it outside. A diamond that large would only invite trouble.”

“In my experience, trouble doesn’t wait for an invitation.” I looked at her legs again. They were both still there. “When did you last see your husband?”

@kleenexwoman it got better!

i would read a whole novel like this seriously
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Earthenware clay sculpture by Philippe Faraut, 2008. Click Images to Enlarge

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I will reblog this every time i see it because it is simply a phenomenal piece of art

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my predictions on what’s coming up next on wild Harry Potter discourse you can’t believe actually exists on this hellsite:
- Moaning Myrtle was abused by Professor McGonagall
- Ernie Macmillan did more to defeat Voldemort than Harry
- Umbridge was a misunderstood feminist icon
- Hagrid was a Nazi sympathiser

Apparently the Umbridge Feminist Icon Discourse already exists. I should have known. I’ll replace that prediction with
- Hedwig was actually the snake Harry set free from the zoo, she had been transfigured into an owl by Snape as Lily loved owls and he wanted Harry to have a constant reminder of his mum. Hedwig was the name Lily had chosen for the baby fathered by Snape she was pregnant with when she died, Snape was honoured that Harry had chosen that name for his snake owl.
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So if “The Devil Went Down to Georgia” is be believed, you can fiddle duel the devil for your soul. My question is, does it only work with fiddles, or any contest? Saxophone duel? Guitar shred-off? Can you challenge the devil to a rap battle when he comes for you?

Even though I play piano I want to see someone fight for their soul with the tuba.

The Devil went back to Georgia and his thoughts were dark and cold
That Johnny kid had screwed him and he still needed a soul.
When he came across this young man blowin’ on a tuba and playin’ hits
And the devil took one look and said “You know what? Fuck this shit.”

“Kid, I know you won’t believe this, but I play the tuba too
“And if you wanna wager, well I’ve got a deal for you
“If I’m the better tubist, then I get to take your soul
“If you’re the best, you get this horn here, made from solid gold.”

The boy replied, “My name is Hans, and though it may be wrong,
“Your bet’s pretty intriguing, so I guess I’ll play along”

Hans, clean out your spit valves, and get ready for a show,
Two tubas feudin’ face to face; pick up your horn and blow.
‘Cause if you win, you get a brand new tuba made of gold,
And if you lose the Devil gets your soul!

(Oompah music intensifies)

The Devil opened up his case and said, “I’ll start, I guess.”
And fire puffed out from the bell as on the valves he pressed
He raised the mouthpiece to his lips, it made a wicked BLART
And a band of lederhosen demons joined in with him to start

(Roll Out the Barrel plays with extended tuba solo)

Hans looked the Devil in the eye, once he finished his piece,
Said “That’s okay, old man, but just you get a load of this!”

( and skip to 2:20)

The Devil bowed his head, because he knew he can’t compete.
He dragged that heavy tuba down; it crashed by Hans’s feet.
He turned away from Hans and as he retreated he said,
“Forget this crap. I’m gonna try telemarketing instead.”

(Tuba outro)

@hamstergal you are amazing and owe me 1 clean monitor.


Fiddles are historically associated with the devil not through any Christian imagery, but because older European folk tradition held that several uber powerful water demons, known as nock, nikyr, necks, etc, were insanely good fiddle players.

In Norway, for example, the violin known as the Hardanger fiddle was played initially by the creepy otherwordly beings, like the hulderfolk, the trolls, as well as the nock. There are equivalents in other European cultures.

These beings were known as preternaturally skilled fiddle players, the nocks above all others. So some people would make a deal to learn the fiddle from the nock, or have their children trained. The only problem being nocks usually needed life or blood sacrifices to learn their skills.

So as Christianity was introduced, the water demon nock was conflated with the devil. Because other stories of nykyrs, nocks, etc were generally sacrificing a human to appease treacherous tides, which was the pinnacle of terror.

The devil knows the fiddle, because the ancient tradition is that if you can win your freedom from the nocks, they will honor this pact. 

this post is the perfect mix of creativity, historical facts, and folklore/mythology, and above all shitposting.

This right here is the kind of content I want on my dash.

(Oompah music intensifies) (OOMPAH MUSIC INTENSIFIES)


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