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An older piece I’m still not sure how I feel about? It’s been at that ‘is it done?’ stage for a few months. Figured I would just post and can always improve on later -COEY!
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new movie idea where a linguist comes to adobe HQ and teaches them how human language functions

If you don’t follow these rules Mike Adobe uses Adobe © Photoshop ©  to uncreate you

you: Adobe © Photoshop ©

me, crying uncontrollably: How did you say that with your mouth
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analog electronics are obviously less efficient and usually clunky but they have a quality to them that i really love. theres a good brian eno quote on it

This one?
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@mermaidwithasidecut @mixed-beginnings
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Here Are 28 Things Millennials Are Killing In Cold Blood

no mercy run

And they say the millennial generation is lazy and entitled.

Here’s a secret: it’s not OUR JOB to adapt to the market. It’s not OUR JOB to buy napkins and golf clubs and drive to the mall on the other side of town to make sure it doesn’t go out of business.

Did previous generations kill the horse and wagons after the car was invited? Did those lazy citizens kill the town crier by buying into that newfangled newspaper business?

What people want and are ready to spend their money on will change over time. Today we have different goals and different standards - like I will invite my friends over for dinner and instead of napkins I’ll put a roll of paper towels on the table. And my friends won’t clutch their pearls and hiss “you uncultured swine” at me, because we value that paper towels are cheap and efficient! Napkins may be pretty but some of them end up being unused, and I’ll have to throw them away after the dinner and it’s a fucking waste.

Did your mall end up as an empty husk outside of town because those pesky millennials buy all their clothes online now? You lucky son of a gun. Now you get to use your ~*IMAGINATION*~ and repurpose that ugly windowless box into something actually useful. Why not a nice office space? (x)

Or how about you make the old stores into cute micro apartments? I WOULD LOVE TO LIVE IN ONE OF THESE! (x)

Are the stores fine but the parking lot empty because those cheap hipsters would rather take a bus or bike to the mall instead of buying a car like regular people? Do like they did in Seattle and turn it into a fucking beautiful water treatment facility and park. (x)

This thing collects storm-water runoff to create and provide nutrients to small pools and green areas. It works like a natural creek that ALSO filters out pollutants that would damage the salmon population! AS A MILLENNIAL I CAN SAY THAT THIS IS SO FUCKING UP MY ALLEY YOU HAVE NO IDEA. I WOULD GO TO THAT MALL, BUY A COFFEE AND GO OUT TO LOOK AT THE BIRDS.

Actual fucking plovers. When was the last time a parking lot did something for the environment except gathering upp more roadkill for the scavengers?

I could also go into why no-one is watching shitty sitcoms or boring movies because we have access to so much media that we can filter out the generic stuff that doesn’t appeal to us, but that is an essay in itself. We are extremely capable on spending it on media that speaks to us though (hey this is unrelated but did you know that Wonder Woman has passed 570M$ worldwide?)

TLDR: Market powers are entitled and used to people spending an ever-increasing amount of money on their shitty products. When this trend turns they are too unimaginative and lazy to do something about it so instead they’ll whine about how their former customers are “killing” them.

They can either DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT or spend the rest of their days crying into their surplus napkins.


Also, the idolized lifestyle of the 1950s-2000s was unsustainable. The bubble burst, and my generation inherited a ruined world whose elders refuse acknowledge that their prosperity came at our expense. 
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This is the greatest progression of events I have ever read, where’s my historical gay romance novel about this


Local King Cannot Stop Promoting His Boyfriend

where’s the lush period drama about this series of events?

fun thing about king James, this guy was fairly public about his bf (more public than what was acceptable). He threw lots of extravagant parties with his man on his arm. It pissed off the church obviously so to get them off his back, he’s the one that ordered the third translation of the Bible from Hebrew to English (the King James Version aka the Authorized Version) so the Bible every hot blooded all American Christian reads today was literally just written so a very gay king could fuck his boyfriend in peace.

oh my god this is hilarious

“guys, guys. I know this looks kinda gay, and i promise i have a good explanation for all this, but have you considered… that jesus… is also gay? checkmate, heteros.”
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This duck got himself all in a flap after inadvertently straying into the path of a giant Shoebill while heading towards water.

But it was all water off a duck’s back for the imposing 4ft tall bird which instead of eating his smaller friend, carefully picked him up in his beak and moved him aside.

Despite its fearsome reputation as a predator around water, the Shoebill seemed more concerned with completing its journey than tucking into a feathered snack.

These extraordinary pictures were captured by 51-year-old amateur photographer Mark Kay, at the San Diego Wild Animal Park in the U.S.

‘I thought the Shoebill was going to eat the duck, but soon realised he was moving him out of the way.

‘After the duck fell to the ground, he seemed flustered and just walked away. The Shoebill just carried on.’

Credit / Full Article can be found HERE
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prove to me that you can make this acrobatics check by successfully performing a triple backflip off the kitchen counter in real life
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I love how potato in French is pomme de terre, which pretty much means “earth apple.”

like what stupid frenchman saw this:

and said “zis petite légume looks like a, how you say, APPLE! hmmm… but it grows in ze earth… HON HON HON! MAIS OUI! C’EST UNE POMME DE TERRE!”

j’adore comment ananas se dit pineapple en anglais, ce qui veut littéralement dire “pomme de pin”, genre quel type anglais a vu ça:

et s’est dit : “ow cette étrange big fruit ressemble à une, how do you say, POMME! hmmm… mais plutôt une pomme qui pousse dans les pins… HU HU HU! OH YES, IT’S A PINEAPPLE!”
(z’avez vu, on peut le faire aussi… hon hon hon!)

I can’t even read French and I’m laughing my ass off

This is good
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New PETA ad looks like two guys had a threesome with a chicken and she completely blew their minds.

“we must never speak of this”

I legitimately have no idea what this ad was otherwise trying to convey

like seriouslyI know that they’re utterly stupid in every waybut what even the hell

looks to me like each of them thinks the other one brought the chicken and they’re trying to think how to say “that is a really disturbing kink and i’m upset you didn’t warn me” without being closed-minded

meanwhile the chicken just wandered in through an open window and found this nice place to lay an egg she doesn’t care she’s busy

i seldom care what peta has to say but in this case i legitimately can’t tell what their message is so i’m just going to go with “random chicken sitcom moment” and imagine all the wacky misunderstandings that occur as they both try to be okay with their boyfriend having super weird kinks, until their neighbor comes over to reclaim her chicken and they realize their sex life is actually kind of vanilla and now they’re a little disappointed

maybe the chicken is doing like how kitties do–they just kinda hop on the bed and don’t care what anyone else is up to, it’s time to curl up near the humans now. 

or maybe she heard there were two cocks in the vicinity? 8)

and maybe the dudes are making faces like that because they just realized they’re in a PETA commercial zzzzzZZZING
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So I coloured in this gif just to see how it’d look….
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Did anyone notice how quickly the internet turned into a Lovecraftian horror scenario?

Like we’ve got this dimension right next to ours, that extends across the entire planet, and it is just brimming with nightmares. We have spambots, viruses, ransomware, this endless legion of malevolent entities that are blindly probing us for weaknesses, seeking only to corrupt, to thieve, to destroy.

Add onto that the corrupted ones themselves, humans who’ve abandoned morality and given up faces to hunt other people, jeering them, lashing out, seeing how easy it is to kill something you can’t touch or see or smell. They’ll corrupt anything they think could be a vessel for their message and they’ll jabber madly at any who question them. Their chittering haunts every corner of the internet. They are not unlike the spambots in some ways.

Add on top of that the arcane magisters, who are forever working at the cracks between our world and the world we made. Some of them do it for fun, some of them do it for wealth, others do it for the power of nations unwise enough to trust them. There are mages who work to defend against this particular evil, but they are mad prophets, and their advice is almost never heeded, even by those who keep them as protection.

All people know several spells to use the internet. Facebook asks you for the magic words to log in, so does your email, so does your twitter and on and on. The spells are words or a gesture with the hand, some use the colour of your eyes, or the shape of your finger. Our chief of security joked about requiring users to give a drop of blood before they could log in. Many do not understand the humour of mages.

The cracks between the two are breaking. IP cameras filled our world with eyes and the magisters learned how to open almost all of them. We all carry magic slabs of glass that if you hold it up to your ear can sing to you with a loved one’s voice, but if you look at it with your eyes, can show you a corrupted human with bleeding orange skin scream the profane with a thousand voices. The other day I saw someone hack a moving vehicle. At one point they made it stop. At another they made it so it couldn’t stop. Some of our best and brightest are going to create an army of four winged bats hovering throughout every city and we are going to connect them directly to the dimension where the nightmares live.

I’m not saying it’s all bad, but I am saying Cthulhu lies deathless dreaming in this web we built him and he is waking up.

if you’ve spent your adolescence in the darker and more profane areas of this web you sure as hell don’t develop normal human appetites, that’s for damn sure. you wind up with a hunger for a lot more tentacles than humans are normally equipped with. 
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it doesnt like the camera!!

let it scream its trying its best for people to hear

you ask why it screams but you insult it… had important words to say…now we’ll never know what they are

oh!! youve coaxed it. it will tell you the news!!

it was screaming because it didn’t want you miss out on a present you got :(

it wonders if you’d like to open it?

oh!! it was an invite!!

they hope you enjoy the festivities (screaming) with them!!
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“friendly reminder” posts annoy me, but here’s one anyway:

The word “problematic” was never meant to be the auto-win card of social justice discussions. Problematic is not a synonym for bad or wrong. Problematic literally means that an issue is complicated, open to debate, and raises important questions about an issue, questions that should be analyzed, discussed, and unpacked.

So when you say something is problematic, don’t just lean back in your chair, pat yourself on the back, and call it a day. Go deeper. Get a discussion going. Analyze that shit. Hear from others and come to some tough conclusions.

Saying “we shouldn’t do X because X is problematic” is as nonsensical as saying “the weather outside is weather.”
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Why are characters like Lestat de Lioncourt and Dorian Gray held up as cautionary tales about the personal cost of immortality, anyway? In both stories, it’s an explicit plot point that they were already insufferable wankers before they became immortal.

The cautionary tale is if your dick friend somehow becomes immortal don’t stick around waiting for it to enlighten them bc they’re just gonna get way more into murder than they were before and not much else
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i need feminism because when jesus does a magic trick it’s a goddamn miracle but when a woman does a magic trick she gets burned at the stake


i mean they did also kill jesus. that was a pretty significant thing that happened. like i understand where you’re coming from here but they very much did kill jesus.

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Supporting evidence:

1. Humans say ‘ow’, even if they haven’t actually been hurt. It’s just a thing they say when they think they might have been hurt, but aren’t sure yet.

2. Humans collect shiny things and decorate their bodies and nests with them. The shinier the better, although each individual has a unique taste for style and colouring

3. Humans are not an aquatic or even amphibious species, but they flock to bodies of water simply to play in it. They can’t even hold their breath all that long; they just love to splash!

4. When night falls and the sky goes dark, humans become drowsy and begin to cocoon themselves in soft, fluffy bedding.

5. Some humans spend time in each other’s nests! Just for fun! It’s not their nest; they’re just visiting each other.

6. Some humans use pigments and dyes to make their bodies flashy and colourful! They even attach shiny dangly bits to their cartalidgous membranes!

7. Humans are very clever, and sometimes adopt creatures from other species into their family units. They don’t seem to notice the obvious differences, and often raise them alongside their own young!

8. If a human sees another creature in distress, they can commonly be observed trying to help! Even at their own risk, most humans are deeply compassionate creatures!

9. If a human hears a particularity catchy sound or tune, it will often mimic it, even to the point of annoying themselves!

10. Sneezes are entirely involuntary, and completely adorable. Especially when the human in question becomes frustrated

11. Humans love treats!!! Some more than others. Many humans will save these treats specifically for a later date when they are in need of comfort or reassurance. IE, pickles, pop tarts, Popsicles, etc

12. They’re learning to travel in space!!! They can’t get very far, but they’re trying!!! So far, they’ve made it to the end of their yard, and have found rocks

this sounds like it was written by a really enthusiastic alien humanologist
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