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just-shower-thoughts:

Quidditch would be way more interesting to watch and would require more strategy to play if catching the Snitch ended the game but didn’t award any points.
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cindehella:

lord-kitschener:

arealliveghost:

stillvisions:

maybenotboring:

and at no point has anyone thought “maybe we should not build a giant flammable goat this year”

They tried fireproofing. And armed guards. And fences, and cameras… Sadly the wikipedia page has been cut down by super srs folks to remove all the awesome Keystone cops tales of the goat’s history (emphasis added by me)

1966 Stig Gavlén came up with the idea of a giant goat made out of straw. But it turned out that Gavlén organisation did not have enough funding for the goat. Then Harry Ström, who at that time was the chairman of the Södra Kungsgatan Ideella Förening (a non-profit society), decided to pay the whole cost for the goat out of his own pocket. The goat stood until midnight of New Year’s Eve, when it went up in flames. The perpetrator, who was from Hofors,Gästrikland, was found and convicted of vandalism. The first goat was insured and Ström got all his money back.

1967 Nothing happened.

1968 The goat survived. A fence was built around the goat. Previously it was popular for children to play hide-and-seek inside and around the goat. There was also a rumor that one night a couple had sex inside the goat. In subsequent years the inside of the goat was protected by a chicken-wire net.

1969 The goat was burnt down on New Year’s Eve.

1970 The goat was burnt down only six hours after it was assembled. Two very drunk teenagers were connected with the crime. With help from several financial contributors the goat was reassembled out of lake reed.

1971 The Southern Merchants got tired of their goats being burned and stopped building the goat. The Natural Science Club (Naturvetenskapliga Föreningen:NF) from the School of Vasa (Vasaskolan) took over. 

1972 The goat collapsed because of sabotage.

1973 N/A

1974 Burnt.

1975 N/A

1976 Hit by a car.

1977 N/A

1978 Again, the goat was kicked to pieces.

1979 The goat was burnt even before it was erected. A new one was built and fireproofed. It was destroyed and broken into pieces.

1980 Burnt down on Christmas Eve.

1981 Nothing happened.

1982 Burnt down on Lucia (13 December).

1983 The legs were destroyed.

1984 Burnt down on 12 December, the night before Lucia.

1985 The 12.5 metre (41 ft) tall goat of the Natural Science Club was featured in the Guinness Book of Records for the first time. Even though the goat was enclosed by a 2 metres (6.6 ft) high metal fence, guarded by Securitas and even soldiers from the Gävle I 14 Infantry Regiment, it was burnt down in January.

1986 The merchants of Gävle decided they were willing to build the goat once again. From 1986 on two goats were built, the Southern Merchants’ and the School of Vasa’s. The big goat burnt down the night before Christmas Eve.

1987 A heavily fireproofed goat was built. It got burnt down a week before Christmas.[21]

1988 Nothing happened to the goat, but gamblers were for the first time able to gamble on the fate of the goat with English bookmakers.

1989 Again, the goat burnt down before it was assembled. Financial contributions from the public were raised to rebuild a goat that was burnt down in January. In March 1990 another goat was built, this time for the shooting of a Swedish motion picture called Black Jack.

1990 Nothing happened. The goat was guarded by many volunteers.

1991 The goat was joined by an advertising sled, that turned out to be illegally built. On the morning of Christmas Eve the goat was burnt down. It was later rebuilt to be taken to Stockholm as a part of a protest campaign against the closing of the I 14 Infantry Regiment.

1992 The goat was burnt down eight days after it was built. The Natural Science Club’s goat burnt down the same night. The Southern Merchants’ goat was rebuilt, but burned down on 20 December. The perpetrator of the three attacks was caught and sent to jail. The Goat Committee was founded in 1992.

1993 Once more the goat was featured in the Guinness Book of Records, the School of Vasa’s goat measured 14.9 metres (49 ft). The goat was guarded by taxis and the Swedish Home Guard. Nothing happened.

1994 Nothing happened. The goat followed the Swedish national hockey team to Italy for the World Championship in hockey.

1995 A Norwegian was arrested for attempting to burn down the goat. Burnt down on the morning of Christmas Day. Rebuilt to be standing before the 550th anniversary of Gävle county.

1996 The first time the goat was guarded by webcams, nothing happened.

1997 Damaged by fireworks. The Natural Science Club’s goat was attacked too, but survived with minor damage.

1998 Burnt down on 11 December, even though there was a major blizzard. Was rebuilt.

1999 Burnt down only a couple of hours after it was erected. Rebuilt again before Lucia. The Natural Science Club’s goat was burnt down as well.

2000 Burnt down a couple of days before New Year’s Eve. The Natural Science Club’s goat got tossed in the Gävle river.

2001 Goat set on fire on 23 December by Lawrence Jones, a 51-year-old visitor from Cleveland, Ohio, who spent 18 days in jail and was subsequently convicted and ordered to pay 100,000 Swedish kronor in damages. The court confiscated Jones’s cigarette lighter with the argument that he clearly was not able to handle it. Jones stated in court that he was no “goat burner”, and believed that he was taking part in a completely legal goat-burning tradition. After Jones was released from jail he went straight back to the US without paying his fine. As of 2006 it was still unpaid. The Natural Science Club’s goat was also burnt down.

2002 A 22 year old from Stockholm tried to set the Southern Merchants’ goat on fire, but failed, the goat receiving only minor damage. On Lucia the goat was guarded by Swedish radio and TV personality Gert Fylking.

2003 Burnt down on 12 December.

2004 Burnt 21 December, only three days before Christmas Eve. The fire brigade quickly arrived on the scene, but the goat could not be saved. No new goat was built.

2005 Burnt by unknown vandals reportedly dressed as Santa and the gingerbread man, by shooting a flaming arrow at the goat at 21:00 on 3 December. Reconstructed on 5 December. The hunt for the arsonist responsible for the goat-burning in 2005 was featured on the weekly Swedish live broadcast TV3’s “Most Wanted“ (”Efterlyst”) on 8 December.

2006 On the night of 15 December at 03:00, someone tried to set fire to the goat by dousing the right front leg in petrol (gasoline). The red ribbon on that leg was slightly burned and fell off. The lower part of the right leg was scorched, but the rest of the goat failed to light. The leg was repaired that morning. The Natural Science Club’s goat was burned at about 00:40 on 20 December; the vandals were not seen and got away. On the night of 25 December, a drunken man managed to climb up on the goat. Before the police arrived on the scene the man climbed down and disappeared. He did not try to set fire to the goat. The Southern Merchants’ goat survived New Year’s Eve and was taken down on 2 January. It is now stored in a secret location.

2007 The Natural Science Club’s goat was toppled on 13 December and was burned on the night of 24 December. The Southern Merchants’ goat survived.

2008 10,000 people turned out for the inauguration of one of the goats. No back-up goat was built to replace the main goat should the worst happen, nor was the goat treated with flame repellent (Anna Östman, spokesperson of the Goat-committee said the repellent made it look ugly in the previous years, like a brown terrier). On 16 December the Natural Science Club’s Goat was vandalised and later removed. On 26 December there was an attempt to burn down the Southern Merchants’ Goat but patriotic passers-by managed to extinguish the fire. The following day the goat finally succumbed to the flames ignited by an unknown assailant at 03:50 CET.

2009 A person attempted to set the Southern Merchants’ goat on fire the night of 7 December. An unsuccessful attempt was made to throw the Natural Science Club’s goat into the river the weekend of 11 December. The culprit then tried, again without success, to set the goat on fire. Someone stole the Natural Science Club’s goat utilizing a truck the night of 14 December.[36] On the night of 23 December before 04:00 the South Merchant goat was set on fire and was burned to the frame, even though it had a thick layer of snow on its back.[37] The goat had two online webcams which were put out of service by aDoS attack, instigated by computer hackers just before the burning.[38]

2010 On the night of 2 December, arsonists made an unsuccessful attempt to burn the Natural Science Club’s goat.[39] On 17 December, a Swedish news site reported that one of the guards tasked with protecting the Southern Merchants’ goat had been offered payment to leave his post so that the goat could be stolen via helicopter and transported to Stockholm. Both goats survived and were dismantled and returned to storage in early January 2011.

2011 The inauguration of the goat took place on 27 November. The fire-fighters of Gävle sprayed the goat with water to create a coating of ice in the hope of protecting it from arson. The goat was burnt down in the early morning of 2 December.

2012 The inauguration of the goat took place on 2 December. It was burnt just ten days later in the hours before midnight of 12 December, one day before Lucia.

2013 As in 2006 and 2007, the straw used to build the goat has been soaked in anti-flammable liquid to prevent it from burning in the event of an arson attack. The inauguration ceremony took place on 1 December. But despite the anti-flammable liquids the goat was burnt down on the early morning of December 21.

Any history of plots involving a DDoS attack on the security cameras, a plot to steal it with a helicopter and flaming arrows shot by people dressed as Santa and the Gingerbread man is just plain hilarious in my book.

I’m laughing so much about this goat. obviously if you build something big enough people are going to have sex in it and burn it down. obviously

what the fuck is going on in sweden

how will the saga continue this year

fascinating

The saga of the goat is the best part of the season.

For those curious about 2015′s goat:

It’s that time of year again

2016: Burned within hours of being built

2017: Survived

2018: Nothing yet…

WILL THE GOAT LIVE THIS YEAR
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lifesgrandparade:

Imagine typing out this letter and not stopping halfway and thinking “Hmmm, this makes me sound like the worst human being in the world.”
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cincosechzehn:

encorgi:

cincosechzehn:

eightys:

here’s the article btw. it gets so bad it’s ridiculous omg

ok so this happened in AUSTRALIA (hooray finally it’s not us americans fuckin up)

aussies can’t make cakes apparently (lololol)

OK REAL TALK: this family spent 🇦🇺FORTY-NINE🇦🇺 DOLLARS🇦🇺 (AUD)🇦🇺 to order this cake

(that’s $35 USD for my american friends)

they called and spoke to staff and they were like “yeah we can make it frog-themed for you”

that picture? is exactly what they got

i see no frogs 🐸🐸🐸🐸

they only saw the result when they opened the box up when they got home 😱😱😱😱😱

“3 :)”

so they called the store and the management was like “we don’t decorate cakes”

🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔 suspicious huh

so the family was like “uhh actually you guys DID decorate this and guess what it fuckin sucks”

they had to get another cake decorator to come in and “save” the 

🇦🇺FORTY-NINE🇦🇺 DOLLAR🇦🇺 FROGLESS CAKE

woolworths apologized but the family’s like “yeah take the l”

like even if you’re shitty at cake decorating, a frog is NOT hard to draw

you could outline like three frogs with the green frosting and do white circles for the eyes with black pupils and it’s be SO EASY like minimum effort needed

like this is how i learned to draw a frog in elementary school

…this is the greatest addition to a post
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the-incedible-sulk:

traitorous-bastard:

I have real tears
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slab-o-meat:

me recovering very well from surgery: good post op
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ms-demeanor:

ms-demeanor:

ms-demeanor:

ms-demeanor:

ms-demeanor:

penny-anna:

penny-anna:

uhtcearemorning:

penny-anna:

penny-anna:

tehri:

penny-anna:

tehri:

penny-anna:

penny-anna:

also consider: LOTR but hobbits have Tapeta Lucidum

Boromir gets the fright of his life their first night on the road

Boromir: *glances over his shoulder* ??!!!!???!!

Hobbits:

Hobbits: what

i will never get over that you used an image of raccoons for this purpose because it is incredibly accurate

LOTR au but instead of hobbits literally raccoons

Gandalf: well this raccoon found the ring and has been carrying it around. unfortunately we can’t take it off him or he gets very bite-y. so I figure, the raccoon is the ringbearer now

Elrond: what are those other three raccoons doing here

Gandalf: he brought his buddies. I call this one ‘Merry’

TRASH PANDA HOBBITS

@auraboo THE LEGACY OF FATTY MCFAT LIVES ON

Aragorn: *watching Frodo & Sam scamper off in the direction of Mordor* our hopes lie with those raccoons now

Legolas: do they… know where they are going

Aragorn: I sure hope so

Faramir: father why is this raccoon in the livery of the citadel

Denethor: haha doesn’t he look precious

Elfhelm: Dernhelm, is that a raccoon in your bag?

Dernhelm: *sweating nervously* Uh no, sir.

Eowyn, later: And I said no, you know, like a liar.

Denethor: WHY did you let a raccoon go off with the Ring??

Faramir: ….it just seemed like the right thing to do

Gandalf: he scratched you up real good huh

Faramir: ……………gouged my FUCKING arm and bit me on my face

Witch King: no living man can kill me - AUGH FUCK, RACCOON, RACCOON ON MY LEG ARGHHHH

Eowyn: *stab*

Wraiths break into the room at the prancing pony: *UnHoLy ScReEcHiNg*

Trash Panda Hobbits:

Wraiths: Oh, what the fuck, whAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!

Treebeard: Baroom, humm, where are my small, impatient friends?

Merry and Pippin:

Don’t go where I can’t follow, Mr. Frodo.

~~~~~~The Hobbit interlude~~~~~~

Thorin:
You’re the burgular.Go on and…burgle something! Bilbo:

Saruman: Well since some fucking TREES took over Isengard I guess I’ll take over The Shire.Farmer Maggot and ever other Halfling down to the Sacksville-Bagginses:
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nemorps:

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marxistbarbie:

friendly reminder that my university uses the taxidermied body of its founder as the chief librarian so every time i swipe my card to sit in the library and study he’s just sat in his glass cabinet following me w his sunken glass eyes like he knows i still have fines overdue

incase anyone thot i was kidding….like i know it was his own dying wish but someone shoulda said no….

he also attends meetings 

oh it’s okay; that’s not his real head. it’s wax. you’re not actually seeing any of his body

Oh man, so, this is Jeremy Bentham. Jeremy sodding Bentham, architect of my earliest night frights. This bastard, this walnut-headed corpse, made me afraid to turn my night-light off for months. And I don’t even go here.

Things you need to know about this whole bloody farce:

firstly, as some people have pointed out, he’s not exactly in the library, which is probably for the best, because that honestly just hands students an excuse not to go to the library on a plate. “Sorry I didn’t do the reading, but Jeremy fucking Bentham was staring into my frightened soul again.” Universities rely on students not dropping out because they’re too afraid to study under the watchful eye of an eldritch abomination, so he’s in the cloister, apparently. Not that that’s much better.

secondly, no, that is not his real head. Don’t panic. You aren’t staring into the sunken eyes of a corpse. Instead, you’re staring into the sunken eyes of an eerily lifelike wax head, deliberately coloured so as to give the pallor of death and mummification which, as I’m sure we can all agree, is just fine. Why mummification, you ask?

well, because Jeremy Bentham was a bit weird, all things considered. From the age of 21, Bentham had bequeathed his body to be dissected by a family friend, which honestly is not what I’d personally use my illustrious family connections for, but that’s fine. This pal ultimately died before Bentham did, so Bentham’s dissection was carried out by his philosophical disciple, Thomas Southwood Smith. Bentham also instructed Smith to create an ‘auto icon’ of his body, which is a fancy way of saying ‘put me in a goddamn glass box and make me look as not-dead as possible’. This was to consist of his skeleton, padded out with hay and dressed in his favourite gladrags, and his actual mummified head, which was to be mummified so as to resemble Bentham as he was when he lived. However:

Bentham, although probably not ever in line to become the 6th member of One Direction, did not look like a raisin. His mummified head, though? Oh boy. Oh boy, did Smith fuck that up. He was something of a maverick, and decided to mummify Bentham’s head based on practices perfected by indigenous peoples of New Zealand. Those practitioners had had centuries to perfect their art. Smith did not. The end result is honestly too creepy for me to post here, but needless to say, it did not look like Bentham did in life. Unless Bentham looked like a shrunken prune with wispy white hair, anyway.

for a long time, Bentham’s body was displayed with the skeleton and wax head making up his ‘auto icon’, with his real head in a box by his feet. A side note here: I once saw a photo of this as a kid and it gave me nightmares for about 6 months. Howevs, Bentham is on display at a university, so you know what that means. Yes, it means that students kept stealing the head as a fun prank. Let me repeat that: for a jovial funtime goof, teens stole the disembodied, shrivelled skull of the father of modern utilitarianism. Which is fine.

the only real parts of Bentham in that figure now are his hair, which they took from the skull, and his skeleton. Not that that makes it any less creepy, but this is essentially a headless classroom skeleton in a fancy padded outfit with a wax head. Writing it out, that kind of makes it worse.

the real head is now locked away, ostensibly so that students can’t keep terrifying their flatmates with it by using it as the world’s most haunting Scream mask, but probably in reality just to stop the fucking nightmares.

except it’s about to go on display again, so run for the hills, I guess.

@gallusrostromegalus

So the best part about this is that my Fiance is an economics major and was telling me about THIS VERY DUDE earlier this week becuase he’s in a History of Economic Theory class and I had to ask him “THIS Jeremy Bentham?” and now he’s furiously emailing his professor about “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL US ABOUT THE CORPSE-FUCKERY HAPPENING HERE??”
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biwitched:

just-shower-thoughts:

The division symbol, ÷, is just a blank fraction. You replace the dots with the numbers.
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ofthefog:

writing-prompt-s:

Scientists uncover a stone with writing on it that no one can make sense of. When you see it for the first time, you can read it perfectly.
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colehersch:

Pocket Pussy Review

Fucking christ, lmao
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Been thinking about Aliens recently
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20 minutes into mitochondria and chill he gives you this look
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miyazakishuuto:

scar’s brother was ultra hot and im so mad he is dead

I JUST REALIZED THAT I SHOULD CLARIFY THAT I AM WATCHING FMA: BROTHERHOOD AND I AM NOT IN FACT LUSTING AFTER MUFASA, SCAR’S DEAD BROTHER IN THE LION KING
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Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming
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“”EXPECTO PATRONUM!” Harry yelled. Nothing happened. Harry gripped his dick tighter and shook it up and down until a thick, whispy white substance protruded from the end of it.” 

“Panting, Harry fell forwards over the hydrangea bush, straightened up and stared around. There were several faces peering through various nearby windows. Harry stuffed his dick hastily back into his jeans and tried to look innocent.”

“He had not been this close to Malfoy since he had watched him muttering to Crabbe and Goyle during Dumbledore’s speech about Cedric. He could feel a kind of ringing in his ears. His hand gripped his dick under his robes”

“My dick.” Said Ron. “Look at my dick.” It had snapped, almost in two, and the tip was dangling limply, held on by only a few spare splinters.

Ron struggled for a moment before managing to extract his dick from his trousers. “It’s no wonder I can’t get it out, Hermione, you packed my old jeans, they’re tight!” “Oh, I’m so sorry,” hissed Hermione, and Harry heard her mutter a suggestion as to where Ron could stick his dick instead.
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How I’m raising my children.
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A friend of mine made sure this is what I woke up to this morning
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