gravityeyelids | Entries tagged with i love this

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humanpersonface:

khrysoprase:

wetwareproblem:

khrysoprase:

wetwareproblem:

khrysoprase:

wetwareproblem:

skyheartstar13:

haltraveler:

Opportunity was supposed to run for 90 days, but it ran for 15 years. Is this… is this the origin of Robot Hanukkah?

@wetwareproblem

If it wasn’t before, you can bet your ass it is now. Thank you so much for tagging me in this.

Happy Robonukkah everybody!

Okay, so is this another weeklong thing? What will the traditional foods and observances be?

Iron-rich foods to represent the metal in Oppy’s body. Challah, a symbol of the working class (at least it was in my dad’s Jewish community growing up, IDK about the rest of the world) is had with each meal.

You light a pillar candle to represent the fire used in constructing Opportunity and thank God for the fire of creation, for creating the sun which gives light and warmth to the universe and thus allows life to flourish, and the light and all that represents. It’s a pillar candle because those are absurdly long lasting, as was Oppy.

At the annual Robonukkah family dinner you and your family talk about times you thought you couldn’t go on but did, in spite of how hard it was, and meditate on what got you through that, how to better support each other, etc.

In remembrance of Oppy’s death just before Valentine’s Day, a day of chocolate, the children are given gelt that was put in the fridge (representing the cold vacuum of space) during Hanukkah Proper ™.

But the truest observance is the intra-community argument about whether it’s Robonukkah or Robanukkah.

Holy shit, I was half-joking but this is so beautiful I’m genuinely tearing up and I will be very upset if we don’t make this a thing.

90, the original number of days Oppy was supposed to live, divided by 15, the number of years Oppy did, is 6.

Robonukkah is therefore six days long, which is a holy number also representing how God rested at the end of six days of work, thus showing the connection between the divine and creation is not as far apart as one might think.

@acanthepeira !!!

@penrosesun

BEAUTIFUL
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ursawood:

mr tumblr staff my nipples are male presenting it’s fine
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giraffepoliceforce:

vnicent:

otteroftheworld:

My parents live in this town and the city legally can’t tear the tree down to build or anything because the tree has its own legal rights and they can’t do anything about it.

how does. how does this happen. how DID this happen

I love this story because this guy in the early 1800’s had so many great childhood memories of this tree and wanted to make sure it was protected no matter what. So he deeded the ownership of the tree to itself and everyone just went with it.

Then in 1942 this intense windstorm came and knocked the tree over. And people were bummed. But someone had saved an acorn from the original tree, so they planted that and now Son of the Tree That Owns Itself is over 50 feet tall.

And since this new tree is technically the offspring of the original tree it’s considered to have legally inherited the plot of land it’s inhabiting.

Two generations of trees owning land is amazing and if you don’t think this is the coolest thing get right out of my face.
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gaycomicsnshit:

trumpetsandbookmarks:

womanwithaknife:

Dudes in 18th century would b like “if u don’t respond to my marriage proposal by next winter I’m going to enlist in the war and die .”

i resent being able to understand this post
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eldritch-knot:

lasrina:

gaslightgallows:

feynites:

minesottafatspoollegend:

i love in fantasy when its like “king galamir the mighty golden eagle and his most trusted advisor who would never betray him, gruelworm bloodeye the treacherous”

When my sister and I were kids we had this one action figure, who was actually a brutalized batman doll without his cape (the dog chewed half his head, too), who we dubbed ‘Evil Chancellor Traytor’. The idea was that in the fictional society of our toys, ‘chancellor’ just came with the word ‘evil’ in front of it, as a matter of ancient tradition. Like ‘grand’ or ‘high’ or something along those lines.

Anyway, the running gag was that the king (an old Power Rangers knock-off doll) had absolute and unwavering faith in Evil Chancellor Traytor, who basically comported himself like a mix between Grima Wormtongue and Jafar from the Aladdin movies. Everyone was always sure that Evil Chancellor Traytor had something to do with the nefarious scheme of the day. The dude even carried around a poisoned knife called ‘the kingslayer’.

The additional twist on the joke, though, was that he never was behind anything. The king was actually right. Evil Chancellor Traytor was the most devoted civil servant in the entire Action Figure Dystopia. He spent his nights working on writing up new legislature to ensure that broken toys had access to mobility devices, was always on the lookout to acquire new shoeboxes for expanding city infrastructure, and drafted a proposal that once got half the ‘settlement’ in my sister and I’s closet moved to the upper shelf so that vulnerable toys were less likely to be snatched up by the dog.

The knife, as it turned out, was as symbolic as the ‘evil’ in his name. See, Action Figure Dystopia had a long history of corrupted monarchs getting too big for their thrones and exploiting the underclasses. The job of the Evil Chancellor was to always remain vigilant, and loyally serve a good ruler - or, if the regent should became a despot, to slay them on behalf of the people.

But since killing the king would be a terrible crime, the Evil Chancellor had to be the kind of person who would willingly die to spare the people from the plight of a wicked leader; because the murder would be pinned on them, in order to keep the ‘machinery of politics’ working as smoothly as ever.

Anyway, Evil Chancellor Traytor had a diary, in which my sister I would take turns writing out the most over-the-top good shit he’d done behind the scenes. Usually after everyone else had finished talking shit about him. I don’t know why but we got the biggest kick out of being like:

Barbie With the Unfortunate Haircut: Oh that Evil Chancellor Traytor! Why can’t the king see how wicked he is?!

Charmander From the Vending Machine: Char!

Jurassic Park Toy of Jeff Goldblum With Disturbingly Realistic Face: At least if someone puts a knife in the king’s back, we’ll know where to look!

Evil Chancellor Traytor’s Diary: Today I was feeding ducks at the park when I noticed another legless action figure sitting by the benches. I put a hundred dollars into his bag while he wasn’t looking. I really need to increase budgeting to the medical treatment centers. If only we had enough glue, I think we would see far fewer toys trying to get by without limbs… *insert iconic evil laugh*

Anyway, Evil Chancellor Traytor eventually fell victim to one of my mom’s cleaning sprees, and she decided he was too busted up to keep and tossed him out. My littler brother, who tended to follow my sister and I’s games like he was watching a daily soap opera, cried so hard that we had to do a special ‘episode’ where one of the toys found the Evil Chancellor’s diary, and so he got a big huge memorial and the king threw himself into the empty grave and then ordered the toys driving the toy bulldozer to bury him so that ‘Traytor’s grave would have a body’ (this seemed very important for some reason).

And then we had the Quest For a New King. Somehow or another that ended up being a giant rubber snake called ‘Tyrant King Cobra’.

This needs to be a graphic novel.

This is better thought out than the political systems in most fantasy novels (and some actual political systems in the real world).

dear gods I love this post so much and I thought I would never see it again!
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the-true-space-fandom:

artemuscain-gamingandbs:

mamatronchatoro:

puppygays:

oh god, they were roommates

This straight guy, who we’ll call Mike, has been roommates with Alex for a year. When Alex told Mike he was gay, he was absolutely fine with it. But then when Alex started to bring guys home…he started getting annoyed, resentful, disgusted.

Posting on Reddit, he said: ‘First things first, let me say that I’ve never thought of myself as being discriminatory before. I had a gay friend in high school and we made it through some tough times together, I never felt weird about him dating a guy. So all of this is coming out of nowhere.

‘”Alex” has been my roommate for one year, and I pretty much knew upfront about him being gay. At some point we became friendly enough with each other that we could even joke about it, as in, sometimes he’ll pretend to flirt with me and I’ll pretend to flirt back. I’m straight and he knows that, but I don’t feel threatened by him flirting with me and he says most straight guys do.

‘The problems started because of this: Alex brings guys home sometimes. At the start I thought I was okay with it, since it’s really not my business who he sleeps with. He’s usually discreet enough about it that I don’t see/hear anything I wouldn’t want to see/hear from anyone else, but for some reason I’ve started feeling weird if I even see him with other guys.

‘I don’t know when it started but one time that really sticks out to me is when I came home and saw him and some guy making out on the couch. I don’t know how to describe what it was like to see that, except that for a moment I felt so bad I thought I was going to throw up. Alex was embarrassed (he didn’t think I’d be back for a while), but I told him it was okay since I was embarrassed too.

‘I felt bad for being as disgusted as I was, since there’s NO good reason for me to have a reaction like that. I thought maybe they just caught me by surprise and that’s why I reacted so strongly, but it turned out it wasn’t a one-time thing. After that, every time he has a guy over (not that often, but every once in a while) I just start feeling like shit and wishing that guy would leave, and I can’t stop thinking about what these guys might have done to him even though I don’t want to imagine that. It makes me really uncomfortable and grossed out. And these are just guys he fools around with, I don’t know what I’d do if he ends up getting an actual boyfriend.

‘Alex has started to notice and it’s affecting our friendship. The other day I came home right when some guy was about to leave, and the guy tried to be polite to me but I ended up being rude to him (don’t remember what I said, but it was really obvious I was pissed). When the guy left, Alex asked me why I was being an asshole. I didn’t know what to say, but then he asked if I had a problem with him sleeping with other guys. I said no. For some reason that pissed him off more and he said I can’t complain since I used to bring my fuckbuddy over and he was forced to see me being affectionate with her sometimes. (I was in an FWB situation with a girl in the early days of me and Alex living together, but I broke it off after a few months and I haven’t done anything with anyone since.) I agreed with him and told him I was just having a bad day and I don’t care who he sleeps with, but he looked more upset and told me he’s going to a friend’s place to cool off. I said okay. When he was leaving for some reason he casually said, “and you’ll be okay if I sleep with him as long as I do at his place and not ours, right?” Or something like that. I told him it’s none of my business what he does at someone else’s place, but when he said that I felt sick to my stomach and couldn’t stop thinking about it.

‘He didn’t show up later that night even though he was supposed to hang out with me and my sister. He’s never blown me off before and it made me feel like shit, but part of it was my fault since I made him feel like I was judging him for sleeping with guys. Now he’s acting like nothing happened but I’m worried I might mess things up if it happens again. I want to keep him as a friend, but he’d be hurt if he knew that whenever I think about him with other guys it disgusts me.

‘How do I deal with this? I’ve never been homophobic but I’ve suddenly developed some kind of homophobia where just the idea of my roommate’s sex life makes me uncomfortable. And I don’t react like this to other gay people either, it’s just Alex. I don’t know if this means I’m only okay with gay people as long as I’m not living with them or what. Does anyone else have experience with this? I want to get over myself and stop whatever this is, but if I can’t I’m going to have to leave since the last thing I want to do is hurt Alex, and if I stay here and keep automatically judging him for his lifestyle that’s what’s going to happen.

‘tl;dr: Roommate is gay, I am not but I thought I was okay with him being gay until I realised I feel crappy when I see him with other guys and it’s started to affect our friendship. How to deal with this/stop being such a dick?’

One Redditor asked: ‘Are you sure that weird feeling isn’t jealousy…? i mean, this only seems to revolve around Alex specifically.’

And Mike responded: ‘I thought about that, but I don’t know what I’m meant to be jealous of. He definitely has a more active sex life than I do, but reacting like this to something like that seems really strange and irrational.’

The Redditor responded: ‘Yeah i thought maybe you don’t like seeing Alex with other people because you want his attention to yourself?’

‘The day I made the post, I met up with my sister Laura [24F] and I showed her the post. She read the whole thing and called me an oblivious walnut and said it sounds like I have a crush on Alex. The same conclusion some of you came to in the original post.

‘Anyway, she talked me through it and we confirmed I’m not as straight as I thought I was. She also pointed out something in my original post, where I said the more I tried to reassure him I didn’t mind who he slept with, the more he got upset. Also: how he brought my old FWB situation into it. I just thought he was understandably mad with me for being an asshole, but Laura thought it sounded like maybe Alex wanted me to be jealous? We moved on from that topic pretty quickly, though, since I couldn’t really handle the implications of that when I’d JUST started to understand that I like this guy.

‘The next few days were mostly me sitting on my ass trying to wrap my head around everything. I was scared of messing up our friendship and losing him, but I was even more scared that I might just let this pass without saying anything and then he gets a boyfriend and I have to see him with another guy…etc. Because if that happened I would probably have to end it anyway, since as we’ve established, I’m not great at dealing with him being with other guys.

‘Probably could have planned it better, but I told him. Right after a Tarantino marathon, if anyone’s interested, since nothing says romance like graphic violence. I told him I’ve been such a dick because I was jealous. I don’t think he got what I was getting at because he just laughed a little and said I didn’t have to be jealous since it wasn’t like I’d have any trouble finding people to sleep with me. No clue how I explained, it’s a blur. Luckily he saw how nervous I was so he knew I was serious.

‘We talked. Long story short: all that flirting was real, but Alex didn’t have any hope of it going further because of me being an oblivious “straight” guy. So he’s been trying to get over me. He laughed really hard when I told him about how I mistook my jealousy for homophobia, and he teased me by saying he’d never expected me to be the jealous type. Then again, we both ended up laughing a lot of out of nervousness and awkwardness. I’ve never seen him like that before since he’s usually pretty confident. In the end we agreed to maybe try something out, and we kissed. Never kissed anyone with a beard before, so…interesting experience, but also really good. (Plot twist: it turns out I don’t have any problem with Alex kissing guys if it’s me he’s kissing.)

‘Since then we’ve kind of been easing into the whole dating thing, I guess? I know this place is wary about roommate relationships and I get why, but it’s been great so far. We had our first proper date last weekend and it was incredible, though a bit weird since we’ve done that a thousand times already and this time there was a new context. At home we still do our normal thing, but sometimes we get distracted. Last night I almost burned dinner because I had to kiss him and we got kind of carried away, haha. We’re taking the whole sex thing slow though since I’ve never done anything with another guy before.

‘I’m a little worried about coming out to my family and my other friends, especially since this is almost as new for me as it would be for them. My parents are very openminded and my mom especially loves Alex. But I have some more conservative family members on my dad’s side, and I can already imagine them blaming Alex for turning me gay. They can also be pretty racist (Laura’s boyfriend is Latino so she knows all about that) and Alex is mixed. It’s something to think about in the longterm, I guess. Alex has said he doesn’t expect me to jump out of the closet right away, but if we end up calling ourselves a couple then I’m not going to keep him a secret or anything.

‘So…we’re trying. And I am not a homophobe, and nobody needed therapy. Honestly, I can’t remember the last time I was this happy, and I never would have expected this when I made that first post. It’s a good thing some of you picked up on the actual problem and tried to get it through to me despite me being an oblivious walnut, so…thanks, guys.’

Funniest self-realization in the world? ‘Plot twist: it turns out I don’t have any problem with Alex kissing guys if it’s me he’s kissing.’

This was…. cute???

DEAR GOD IT GOT BETTER
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skellerbvvt:

You know. It’d explain a lot if dragon eggs were this impenetrable substance that only could break down and safely release the fledgling if it was sufficiently surrounded by gold. And for centuries dragons just needed to dig down and find a gold vein in the mountains, and they’d return and return and return to the same area, up until human were like: hey, we have no actual use for this super soft inert metal, but we like it, so it’s ours now.

And the dragons were then forced to go: hello! I see your capitalist nightmare society is hoarding gold because it decided it had value for no reason. We need it for actual reasons. We would like ti back now.

Humanity: We sort of based our entire value system off it? So no?

Dragons: But you aren’t using it and we need it.

Humanity: Sweet. Can you pay us for it?

Dragons: Do you accept UNENDING FIRE TERROR as payment?

So humanity was just like: ooh noooo. The dragons just like sleeping on top of gold for no reeeeason. They stole all of it because they are just terrible and greedy. So terrible. Our gold. Oh no. We need it. For richness. Oh nooooooo. You have to save us then you can be rich too.
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erotic-nonfiction:

Her good girl

With @chien-espagnol
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penrosesun:

So, while looking for something completely different, I accidentally stumbled across the website for WOW Air – an airline I had never heard of before, but which I am now convinced has the single greatest airline website in existence.

First off, they have some incredibly cheap flights to Reykjavík – which I’m sure would be fantastic if I was planning on going to Reykjavík literally any time in the near future.

But that’s just the baseline price, so I naturally went to check the ticket price breakdown, and found… um…?

Like, apparently, you need to pay extra to get a “standard seat”. Which, I mean, I’ve never flown to Reykjavík before, but my sense is that it’s a *little* long to be standing like a commuter or Operation Solomon evacuee.

I checked to see if there was inflight entertainment, and the website helpfully explains that the only inflight entertainment is “the thrill of sitting high up in the sky and enjoying the flight”, although they do have a magazine, and they apparently serve skyr onboard, which, sure, why not?

But the real gems here are all of the Icelandic tourism promotional stuff. They’ve got a quick Instagram-style breakdown of some of their neater tourist destinations, which, among other things, claims that “As far as mountains go, Kirkjufell is the Mads Mikkelsen of mountains.”

And THEN, there are the some more in depth articles which… Let me just show a few of them:

Like, I don’t even know where to start. Their *tourism advertising* includes cat spotting, a hotel in the literal middle of nowhere (the website boasts that "tourists travel from Australia, Tasmania, Japan and China to visit the world’s loneliest hotel” which… why those four countries, though?), and apparently, a bike share company, which is also owned by the airline for um, reasons.

There’s also a punk history museum, with this gem of a description: “Housed in a former public bathroom at no. 0 Bankastraeti in downtown Reykjavik, this tiny but charming museum is more enthralling than museums triple its size.”

And there’s an entire article assuring potential tourists that while “You might think that you can only eat decent vegetarian or vegan food in the capital” there is also apparently a single other vegetarian restaurant in Iceland near Akureyri.

Also, these are some of the actual call signs that this airline’s planes have:

Like… I will probably never take a flight on this airline, and their website has done almost nothing to convince me to take a trip to Iceland. But I am legitimately happy that this exists on the internet, and I just wanted to share it.

I’M READY TO GO TO ICELAND 2018
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geniusface:

What she says: I’m fine

What she means: Can vampires enter rented spaces? I don’t own my apartment, so do I have the rights to invite a vampire into my house, or does the landlord? Or does anyone have the power to invite a vampire into any residence? Vampires can enter public spaces without invitation, but what about hotels? What about small businesses where the owners live in back or on the floor above? What public spaces even remain in the hellacape of late capitalism?
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redacuarela:

sisters-not-lions:

jadedownthedrain:

How cool is this?!

Here’s a link to a news article and some videos about production (posted before the film was released)

Their Moana is very talented, and their Maui is a local newscaster whose daughters made him audition!

Rachel House still voices Grandma Tala, Temuera Morrison still voices the Chief, and Jemaine Clement still voices Tamatoa.

Rob Ruha and Jemaine Clement translated and rearranged the music so that the songs still worked while sung in a different language, which is super impressive.

Also: Air New Zealand will feature the Maori version on their in flight entertainment starting in November!

I know what I’ll be watching next time I fly back to visit NZ :D
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mickeyandcompany:

Real Life Disney Villains, by Jirka Vinse Jonatan Väätäinen
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pearlpencil:

I found my wip since 2015. This is properly one of my only original character design for myself. In the future I will finish her.
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elanorpam:

rainbowbarnacle:

jumpingjacktrash:

poplar-shade:

mirthandir:

jennytheundying:

failnation:

New PETA ad looks like two guys had a threesome with a chicken and she completely blew their minds.

“we must never speak of this”

I legitimately have no idea what this ad was otherwise trying to convey

like seriouslyI know that they’re utterly stupid in every waybut what even the hell

looks to me like each of them thinks the other one brought the chicken and they’re trying to think how to say “that is a really disturbing kink and i’m upset you didn’t warn me” without being closed-minded

meanwhile the chicken just wandered in through an open window and found this nice place to lay an egg she doesn’t care she’s busy

i seldom care what peta has to say but in this case i legitimately can’t tell what their message is so i’m just going to go with “random chicken sitcom moment” and imagine all the wacky misunderstandings that occur as they both try to be okay with their boyfriend having super weird kinks, until their neighbor comes over to reclaim her chicken and they realize their sex life is actually kind of vanilla and now they’re a little disappointed

maybe the chicken is doing like how kitties do–they just kinda hop on the bed and don’t care what anyone else is up to, it’s time to curl up near the humans now.

or maybe she heard there were two cocks in the vicinity? 8)

and maybe the dudes are making faces like that because they just realized they’re in a PETA commercial zzzzzZZZING
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iruutciv:

So I coloured in this gif just to see how it’d look….
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thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

blvnk-art:

I had to illustrate this moment x)

[instagram @potterbyblvnk]

Harry Potter and the Sex Dreams about His Best Friends Sister
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jrrtrashcan:

this is why we can’t have nice things 🤦🏼‍♀️
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queenoftheantz:

We had an interaction assignment, and GUESS WHAT I DID!!!
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freelancerkiwi:

thenearsightedmicroraptor:

obstinaterixatrix:

*everything* that’s considered romantic has been conditioned by society, it’s performative, like the emotion can be genuine but romantic *gestures* are a societal construct, chocolates, flowers, rings, there’s no inherent act of romance, the purest form of what is conceptualized as “romance” can probably be boiled down to emotion + intent, and the manifestation of that combo’s gonna be different for everyone

an action evoked from a feeling of adoration and the need to express it can be constrained by what society provides, but once it’s made irrelevant the meaning becomes tailored to those experiencing it; someone giving fancy chocolates to their s.o. because it’s ‘the thing to do’ can’t measure up to someone giving the chocolates because they know their s.o. thinks the boxes are nice and really likes hazelnut fillings, same gesture, but former lacks ‘inherent’ romance because romance isn’t ‘inherent’, the later has a standard approach but it goes beyond what’s considered ‘romantic’

Hello I am a big fan of Obstinaterixatrix’ Romance Meta and I’m just gonna add to this bc it’s a good post.

I feel like what makes the difference between something being romantic and something being What Society Says Is Romance is the connection between people.

Let’s say two people arrive on my doorstep. One of them has a bouquet of expensive roses from the florist. The other one has a dead bird in a plastic bag. We all know which one is to be considered the romantic gift (hint: it’s not the corpse)

And it’s not like I don’t like flowers or am allergic or anything, I would probably be flattered. But I have no connection to roses, and like, you can give roses to more or less anyone

Dead birds are not a standard gift, for pretty obvious reasons. A person bringing me a corpse in a plastic bag had to know me well enough to know that I collect bones and process them myself, and you don’t go shopping for birds in the Dead Bird Shop around the corner, so that means this person didn’t go out with the intent of getting me something and came back with an Appropriate Gift, they probably stumbled across something and thought about me (this ‘something’ just so happens to be a dead bird, because I’m weird) And then they had to go through the process of picking this bird up and bagging it and bringing it to me, probably pretty spontaneously and without a calendar event that says Find Dead Bird For Raptor with a timeslot between three and four pm.

You can’t have Corpse I Found In a Ditch be romantic without some sort of connection here. Roses can be romantic, but it can also just, be a formula. Two plos Two Equals Romance. A shortcut for ‘I care about you‘, even though the person might …. not, actually.

If it’s someone who loves fresh flowers in their home but rarely has the money to buy large arrangements, or like OP’s example where person A gets the chocolates because they know their s.o. thinks the boxes are super cute, then we have Standard Romantic Actions actually be romantic, but they might as well not be.

This is where my squad has the joke of someone posting a picture of a dead rat to the skype chat and goes ‘Raptor I saw this and thought of you‘ and I go -exaggerated gasping noise- “how dare you blatantly flirt with me right in front of my girlfriend“ from (and also THIS JOKE that bunch of people were confused about).
Because there’s INTEREST and CONNECTION there. They’re obviosuly not actually trying to steal me from my gf, but there is a human connection and a knowledge of who I am and what I want to be associated with.
The humor then comes in from the self-awareness that this could very much be the opposite of a compliment in, like, probably most other situations ever.

So TL;DR: Things can’t be romantic without the connection between people, no matter how ‘inherit‘ people claim the gesture is. However, more or less anything can be a romantic gesture if there’s the right connection and consideration behind it. Taking out the trash can be romantic. Bringing home a dead fox can be romantic. There’s no Romance Shortcuts. You have to actually care about the other person (sorry, Writers Of Like 9 Out Of 10 Mainstream Movies), there’s no way around it.

So basically: Care about each other!! If you’re writing, write characters who care about each other!! And if you don’t know what character A could do for character B, you might wanna look into whether or not you’ve made a Cardboard Love Interest, like I feel many mainstream writers do. But that’s a whooooole ‘nother can of worms.

There’s so many cans of worms.

Oh god there’s so many worms.

Please help.

I’ve wondered for a long time why so many fictional romances feel forced and this is the exact reason. So many main couples in media only express their love through performative romance.

This is also why a lot of platonic fictional relationships are seen as romantic because for some reason screenwriters have a habit of making friends express their love for each other with actual thought and intent to their actions.
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earlhamclassics:

thoodleoo:

thoodleoo:

there’s a lot of evidence that the iliad and the odyssey were actually composed by a variety of poets through an oral tradition rather than just by one poet, so what if the homeric texts are actually just a very long game of D&D

homer, the dm: okay achilles, agamemnon has just taken away your war prize, what do you want to doachilles’ player: i roll to have a diplomatic conversation with agamemnonachilles’ player: *rolls a 1*homer: you throw the staff of speaking at agamemnon’s face and storm off to sulk with your boyfriend

Homer, the DM: Your beautiful Patroclus is dead. What do you do?Achilles’ player: I fight everyone.Homer, the DM: You can’t fight everyone. How would you even–Achilles’ player: *rolls a 20* I fight everyone.Homer, the DM: *sighs* Fine. You cut a path through the Trojan army, enemy dead strewn in your wake.Achilles’ player: How many?Homer, the DM: …lots. Enough to clog the friggin’ river with bodies.Achilles’ player: I fight the river.Homer, the DM: You. can. not. fight. the. river.Achilles’ player: *reaches for dice*
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