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crooked-fingers:
crooked-fingers:
crooked-fingers:
crooked-fingers:
dawnstar137:
crooked-fingers:
I’ve been scamming the Dominos app promotion where you take a picture of any pizza for free points. For three weeks in row, not only has their shitty camera always interpreted any photo of my cat as pizza, I always tell them it was “the worst I’ve ever had” and “made at home”.
Excuse me @crooked-fingers may i see a picture of your cat plz? This sounds genuinely awesome.
And I just love cats
Here he is, the Pizza Boy
And so it continues
Mmmm, another week, another delicious pizza.
That’s all, folks. Six cat pictures within six weeks, and for a total of 60 Dominos points, redeemable for a medium 2-topping pizza of my choosing. I will be getting pepperoni and chicken, mine and Charlie’s respective favorites. He will be given many tiny pieces of chicken for being a perfect little model pizza boy, and also for aiding me in tricking a multimillion dollar company into giving me free food. Thanks for giving him the love and attention you all have given this post! He’s gonna try to stay humble.
(Your picture was not posted)
crooked-fingers:
crooked-fingers:
crooked-fingers:
crooked-fingers:
dawnstar137:
crooked-fingers:
I’ve been scamming the Dominos app promotion where you take a picture of any pizza for free points. For three weeks in row, not only has their shitty camera always interpreted any photo of my cat as pizza, I always tell them it was “the worst I’ve ever had” and “made at home”.
Excuse me @crooked-fingers may i see a picture of your cat plz? This sounds genuinely awesome.
And I just love cats
Here he is, the Pizza Boy
And so it continues
Mmmm, another week, another delicious pizza.
That’s all, folks. Six cat pictures within six weeks, and for a total of 60 Dominos points, redeemable for a medium 2-topping pizza of my choosing. I will be getting pepperoni and chicken, mine and Charlie’s respective favorites. He will be given many tiny pieces of chicken for being a perfect little model pizza boy, and also for aiding me in tricking a multimillion dollar company into giving me free food. Thanks for giving him the love and attention you all have given this post! He’s gonna try to stay humble.
(Your picture was not posted)
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adhdanxietytips:
teashoesandhair:
If you think you’ve hit rock bottom, just remember that my bank once froze my accounts because I bought a healthy ready meal at my local supermarket and they classed it an ‘uncharacteristic purchase’
IM DYING
(Your picture was not posted)
adhdanxietytips:
teashoesandhair:
If you think you’ve hit rock bottom, just remember that my bank once froze my accounts because I bought a healthy ready meal at my local supermarket and they classed it an ‘uncharacteristic purchase’
IM DYING
(Your picture was not posted)
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frompawntoqueen:
harrysimpact:
so
we have this app called toogoodtogo where restaurants/cafes/bakeries/hotels and so on sell their leftovers for really cheap to reduce foodwaste
i got all of this for €4 from starbucks
bless
The America version is called FoodForAll
(Your picture was not posted)
frompawntoqueen:
harrysimpact:
so
we have this app called toogoodtogo where restaurants/cafes/bakeries/hotels and so on sell their leftovers for really cheap to reduce foodwaste
i got all of this for €4 from starbucks
bless
The America version is called FoodForAll
(Your picture was not posted)
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aviculor:
My dog wrote this article after she saw me eating corn dogs
(Your picture was not posted)
aviculor:
My dog wrote this article after she saw me eating corn dogs
(Your picture was not posted)
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insomniac-arrest:
the rest of the country: trying to sell me something while I drive >:(
the midwest: asking me sleepover questions :)
(Your picture was not posted)
insomniac-arrest:
the rest of the country: trying to sell me something while I drive >:(
the midwest: asking me sleepover questions :)
(Your picture was not posted)
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silentwalrus1:
silentwalrus1:
i had a thought today like man, my ancestors would probably not approve very much of me being such an extravagant glutton, but then i was like wtf are u kidding. those dumbasses didn’t live on a fuckin potato ass diet for no minimalism. they didn’t do what they did, whatever the fuck it was, for me NOT to fucking eat my bodyweight in sashimi!!! they would be fucking ecstatic to see me making the most of my opportunities for plenty. they would be fucking cheering me on. every lice-covered cossack and illiterate serf and three-toothed yak herder in my lineage is with me in this restaurant, and they are going absolutely apeshit watching me try to fit an entire samosa in my mouth
i love this idea that the ancestors are following modern people around like a rappers yes-man as we eat food #‘fucking superb you funky little descendant’
me, standing in front of the burger king counter like the blithering hunger gibbon i am: i’ll have… uhhh… double whopper with fries. thank you. large please
the 500 mongolian tatar and polish jew ghosts behind me: [ERUPT INTO WILD SCREAMING AND HIGH FIVES]
(Your picture was not posted)
silentwalrus1:
silentwalrus1:
i had a thought today like man, my ancestors would probably not approve very much of me being such an extravagant glutton, but then i was like wtf are u kidding. those dumbasses didn’t live on a fuckin potato ass diet for no minimalism. they didn’t do what they did, whatever the fuck it was, for me NOT to fucking eat my bodyweight in sashimi!!! they would be fucking ecstatic to see me making the most of my opportunities for plenty. they would be fucking cheering me on. every lice-covered cossack and illiterate serf and three-toothed yak herder in my lineage is with me in this restaurant, and they are going absolutely apeshit watching me try to fit an entire samosa in my mouth
i love this idea that the ancestors are following modern people around like a rappers yes-man as we eat food #‘fucking superb you funky little descendant’
me, standing in front of the burger king counter like the blithering hunger gibbon i am: i’ll have… uhhh… double whopper with fries. thank you. large please
the 500 mongolian tatar and polish jew ghosts behind me: [ERUPT INTO WILD SCREAMING AND HIGH FIVES]
(Your picture was not posted)
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plain-flavoured-english:
Storytime. Cooking in a different country makes you realize how many things you take for granted are just, Not A Thing Here. Like apple juice. Surely you can find apple juice at your local Athenian grocery store, right? Wrong. Greeks drink orange juice and peach juice and mixed fruit juice and sour cherry juice, but… plain old apple juice, nope, not so much. You’ll have a hard time finding vanilla extract in Greece too, since Greeks are used to vanilla powder in little plastic capsules and you have to go to specialty shops for the liquid stuff. Sour cream is virtually nonexistent here (but hey, it’s the land of yogurt, which is a good enough substitute). But surprisingly cornmeal (which is a specialty ingredient in the UK) is everywhere, since Greeks have their own versions of cornbread and corn pudding.
So basically: I knew it might be impossible find vegetable shortening (aka Crisco) for my Thanksgiving pie crust here in Athens. Crisco is pretty uniquely American, and Greeks are more likely to use phyllo than shortcrust anyway. That said, there are a handful of specialty shops in central Athens that sell things like Heinz baked beans and custard powder and Worcestershire sauce and other Weird Foreign Foods™ so us Sad Homesick Expats don’t have to go hungry (I’m always reminded of A Passage to India and their corned beef and tinned peas). So I went on Skroutz (the search engine for buying stuff in Greece) and typed in “vegetable shortening” to see if any stores carried it.
A notification came up asking me to confirm that I was over 18 years old?
???
I clicked “yes”??
Turns out there is, in fact, one shop in Athens that carries vegetable shortening. It’s a sex shop. The shortening is listed under “sex essentials”, as lube. For fisting. It’s literally called “βούτυρο για fisting” – “butter for fisting”.
I decided I didn’t need a flaky pie crust that badly.
When my sister studied abroad in Germany, she was going to bake her host family these really tasty pumpkin chocolate chip muffin tops. But when she went to shop, she noticed there just… Wasn’t… Canned pumpkin (or any pumpkin) anywhere? Anyway, long story short, my mom decided to spend a shitton on shipping to send her some canned pumpkin and my sister’s host family got to eat these heavenly desserts
(Your picture was not posted)
plain-flavoured-english:
Storytime. Cooking in a different country makes you realize how many things you take for granted are just, Not A Thing Here. Like apple juice. Surely you can find apple juice at your local Athenian grocery store, right? Wrong. Greeks drink orange juice and peach juice and mixed fruit juice and sour cherry juice, but… plain old apple juice, nope, not so much. You’ll have a hard time finding vanilla extract in Greece too, since Greeks are used to vanilla powder in little plastic capsules and you have to go to specialty shops for the liquid stuff. Sour cream is virtually nonexistent here (but hey, it’s the land of yogurt, which is a good enough substitute). But surprisingly cornmeal (which is a specialty ingredient in the UK) is everywhere, since Greeks have their own versions of cornbread and corn pudding.
So basically: I knew it might be impossible find vegetable shortening (aka Crisco) for my Thanksgiving pie crust here in Athens. Crisco is pretty uniquely American, and Greeks are more likely to use phyllo than shortcrust anyway. That said, there are a handful of specialty shops in central Athens that sell things like Heinz baked beans and custard powder and Worcestershire sauce and other Weird Foreign Foods™ so us Sad Homesick Expats don’t have to go hungry (I’m always reminded of A Passage to India and their corned beef and tinned peas). So I went on Skroutz (the search engine for buying stuff in Greece) and typed in “vegetable shortening” to see if any stores carried it.
A notification came up asking me to confirm that I was over 18 years old?
???
I clicked “yes”??
Turns out there is, in fact, one shop in Athens that carries vegetable shortening. It’s a sex shop. The shortening is listed under “sex essentials”, as lube. For fisting. It’s literally called “βούτυρο για fisting” – “butter for fisting”.
I decided I didn’t need a flaky pie crust that badly.
When my sister studied abroad in Germany, she was going to bake her host family these really tasty pumpkin chocolate chip muffin tops. But when she went to shop, she noticed there just… Wasn’t… Canned pumpkin (or any pumpkin) anywhere? Anyway, long story short, my mom decided to spend a shitton on shipping to send her some canned pumpkin and my sister’s host family got to eat these heavenly desserts
(Your picture was not posted)
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cincosechzehn:
encorgi:
cincosechzehn:
eightys:
here’s the article btw. it gets so bad it’s ridiculous omg
ok so this happened in AUSTRALIA (hooray finally it’s not us americans fuckin up)
aussies can’t make cakes apparently (lololol)
OK REAL TALK: this family spent 🇦🇺FORTY-NINE🇦🇺 DOLLARS🇦🇺 (AUD)🇦🇺 to order this cake
(that’s $35 USD for my american friends)
they called and spoke to staff and they were like “yeah we can make it frog-themed for you”
that picture? is exactly what they got
i see no frogs 🐸🐸🐸🐸
they only saw the result when they opened the box up when they got home 😱😱😱😱😱
“3 :)”
so they called the store and the management was like “we don’t decorate cakes”
🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔 suspicious huh
so the family was like “uhh actually you guys DID decorate this and guess what it fuckin sucks”
they had to get another cake decorator to come in and “save” the
🇦🇺FORTY-NINE🇦🇺 DOLLAR🇦🇺 FROGLESS CAKE
woolworths apologized but the family’s like “yeah take the l”
like even if you’re shitty at cake decorating, a frog is NOT hard to draw
you could outline like three frogs with the green frosting and do white circles for the eyes with black pupils and it’s be SO EASY like minimum effort needed
like this is how i learned to draw a frog in elementary school
…this is the greatest addition to a post
(Your picture was not posted)
cincosechzehn:
encorgi:
cincosechzehn:
eightys:
here’s the article btw. it gets so bad it’s ridiculous omg
ok so this happened in AUSTRALIA (hooray finally it’s not us americans fuckin up)
aussies can’t make cakes apparently (lololol)
OK REAL TALK: this family spent 🇦🇺FORTY-NINE🇦🇺 DOLLARS🇦🇺 (AUD)🇦🇺 to order this cake
(that’s $35 USD for my american friends)
they called and spoke to staff and they were like “yeah we can make it frog-themed for you”
that picture? is exactly what they got
i see no frogs 🐸🐸🐸🐸
they only saw the result when they opened the box up when they got home 😱😱😱😱😱
“3 :)”
so they called the store and the management was like “we don’t decorate cakes”
🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔 suspicious huh
so the family was like “uhh actually you guys DID decorate this and guess what it fuckin sucks”
they had to get another cake decorator to come in and “save” the
🇦🇺FORTY-NINE🇦🇺 DOLLAR🇦🇺 FROGLESS CAKE
woolworths apologized but the family’s like “yeah take the l”
like even if you’re shitty at cake decorating, a frog is NOT hard to draw
you could outline like three frogs with the green frosting and do white circles for the eyes with black pupils and it’s be SO EASY like minimum effort needed
like this is how i learned to draw a frog in elementary school
…this is the greatest addition to a post
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thefingerfuckingfemalefury:
futureimagineer843:
blue-lives-aint-shit:
redarcanacustom:
left-reminders:
Read Debord.
Vox actually did a pretty nice article about it, and in case you were wondering what charities it is supposed to be benefiting
https://www.vox.com/the-goods/2018/10/30/18043054/ben-jerrys-political-pecan-resist
Ben and Jerry’s isn’t making an empty advertising gesture. They company has supported Bernie Sanders, and made an ice cream flavor to raise awareness of global warming. They run progressive news stories on their websites and social media. They pay their workers a living wage. Even their brownies are sourced from a company that specializes in hiring people out of jail to help them get their lives back on track. They’re open supporters of socialism. I understand the idea of “no ethical consumption” but Ben and Jerry’s isn’t just adopting a political message for nothing.
Ye…unlike Pepsi and its horrifyingly awful “Give the oppressors a can of pepsi and maybe they won’t beat you unconcious with their night sticks” ad that they did, Ben and Jerry’s actually does GENUINELY support progressive and good causes and isn’t just trying to make a buck
(Your picture was not posted)
thefingerfuckingfemalefury:
futureimagineer843:
blue-lives-aint-shit:
redarcanacustom:
left-reminders:
Read Debord.
Vox actually did a pretty nice article about it, and in case you were wondering what charities it is supposed to be benefiting
https://www.vox.com/the-goods/2018/10/30/18043054/ben-jerrys-political-pecan-resist
Ben and Jerry’s isn’t making an empty advertising gesture. They company has supported Bernie Sanders, and made an ice cream flavor to raise awareness of global warming. They run progressive news stories on their websites and social media. They pay their workers a living wage. Even their brownies are sourced from a company that specializes in hiring people out of jail to help them get their lives back on track. They’re open supporters of socialism. I understand the idea of “no ethical consumption” but Ben and Jerry’s isn’t just adopting a political message for nothing.
Ye…unlike Pepsi and its horrifyingly awful “Give the oppressors a can of pepsi and maybe they won’t beat you unconcious with their night sticks” ad that they did, Ben and Jerry’s actually does GENUINELY support progressive and good causes and isn’t just trying to make a buck
(Your picture was not posted)
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keepcalmandcarrieunderwood:
keepcalmandcarrieunderwood:
keepcalmandcarrieunderwood:
keepcalmandcarrieunderwood:
masterofthenightscape:
kittyinhighheels:
keepcalmandcarrieunderwood:
keepcalmandcarrieunderwood:
keepcalmandcarrieunderwood:
keepcalmandcarrieunderwood:
keepcalmandcarrieunderwood:
keepcalmandcarrieunderwood:
keepcalmandcarrieunderwood:
My wife and I were were talking the other day and, I don’t remember what we were even talking about, but the idea came up that we would need an oreo for. I joked about getting one from my secret stash. This is where she made her mistake. She said “oh right, like you could have an Oreo stash without me knowing about it.”
I’m sorry?
That’s a challenge.
Oreos aquired.
I’m going to hide them in a super simple place at first
But be sure to follow this post while I chronicle all the ways and places I hide them and also how I plan on taunting her with cookies while she can’t find the package
She is out of the house for a moment so it’s time to enjoy a few cookies
And find a new hiding spot
Hehehe
They up there
Normally I’m a Oreos with milk kinda guy, but I’ll take coffee if coffee is available
Now to hide them right under her nose
She never looks under the TV for anything. Tonight when we are watching Halloween Wars I’ll have a big dopey grin on my face
Time to up the stakes. It was fun having em here and hiding them around her while she didn’t know what was happening. Bit now it’s time for her to be in on the game she is playing
Four cookies packed in her lunch. Game on
I’ve been cleaning house today and feeling like I’ve done a pretty good job. Time to reward myself with some delicious Oreos
Aaaaand put them where she would never find them in a million years
:)
Got up early this morning and helped pack everyone’s lunch. Pulling a damn Oprah over here
You get some cookies! You get some cookies! Everyone gets cookies!
Then a devious idea struck me…
I put the remaining Oreos in a baggie to hide by themselves. Now to “hide” the package where it will probably be found…
And pin the actual stash to the inside of the closet wall
If you two weren’t already married I’d beg you to marry her because you two are obviously perfect for each other and I love this post with all my heart
This guy’s dopey grin at his success at hiding oreos is exactly what I’m here for
You like that eh? Well you are going to love today’s installment
Look at that. So sad. So few Oreos left
Guess I’ll just pin em right to the middle of the wall in the middle of the living room. She’ll never find em there
Oh, guess I should put this back up
Bwa ha ha ha! You guys! You guys don’t understand! I was planning on doing this and when I got home and looked at it I was like “aww, it’s too thin. They won’t fit.” I even TOLD my wife this and how I was disappointed that I wouldn’t be able to hide them back there.
But then I looked again. They dooooo
Thank you all so much for the love. I knew y'all would like this, but I had no idea you would like it THIS MUCH. People calling us “goals” and stuff… Man…. It’s kinda hard to take in ya know? Anyways: if this post gets Over 9000™ before I get off work today I will pick up Halloween Oreos on my way home and this will not stop
And, as promised, a dopey grin
Twasnt easy to get the stupid video to load. But I got it and I recommend giving it a watch here: http://keepcalmandcarrieunderwood.tumblr.com/post/179330357103
She is so happy that the Oreo Saga continues. Just look at how happy she is
Came home to find this
But she never looked inside the blue chair
Good stuff, but it’s time for some cookies
Gotta have some while I think about where these guys are going next
Hmmmmm
Got it.
Ohmygosh oh. my. gosh. You guys. Near disaster. Check this shiz out:
Wife and I were sewing Elly’s Halloween costume up
Yea, she is going to be a spider and it’s super cute and all but. But. Loooook
Holy actual shit the Oreos fell out from the table literally next to her.
The moment she got up I threw them into the closet
Also:shout out to whoever it was that lost a follower for this post
Sry bout that eh.
(Your picture was not posted)
keepcalmandcarrieunderwood:
keepcalmandcarrieunderwood:
keepcalmandcarrieunderwood:
keepcalmandcarrieunderwood:
masterofthenightscape:
kittyinhighheels:
keepcalmandcarrieunderwood:
keepcalmandcarrieunderwood:
keepcalmandcarrieunderwood:
keepcalmandcarrieunderwood:
keepcalmandcarrieunderwood:
keepcalmandcarrieunderwood:
keepcalmandcarrieunderwood:
My wife and I were were talking the other day and, I don’t remember what we were even talking about, but the idea came up that we would need an oreo for. I joked about getting one from my secret stash. This is where she made her mistake. She said “oh right, like you could have an Oreo stash without me knowing about it.”
I’m sorry?
That’s a challenge.
Oreos aquired.
I’m going to hide them in a super simple place at first
But be sure to follow this post while I chronicle all the ways and places I hide them and also how I plan on taunting her with cookies while she can’t find the package
She is out of the house for a moment so it’s time to enjoy a few cookies
And find a new hiding spot
Hehehe
They up there
Normally I’m a Oreos with milk kinda guy, but I’ll take coffee if coffee is available
Now to hide them right under her nose
She never looks under the TV for anything. Tonight when we are watching Halloween Wars I’ll have a big dopey grin on my face
Time to up the stakes. It was fun having em here and hiding them around her while she didn’t know what was happening. Bit now it’s time for her to be in on the game she is playing
Four cookies packed in her lunch. Game on
I’ve been cleaning house today and feeling like I’ve done a pretty good job. Time to reward myself with some delicious Oreos
Aaaaand put them where she would never find them in a million years
:)
Got up early this morning and helped pack everyone’s lunch. Pulling a damn Oprah over here
You get some cookies! You get some cookies! Everyone gets cookies!
Then a devious idea struck me…
I put the remaining Oreos in a baggie to hide by themselves. Now to “hide” the package where it will probably be found…
And pin the actual stash to the inside of the closet wall
If you two weren’t already married I’d beg you to marry her because you two are obviously perfect for each other and I love this post with all my heart
This guy’s dopey grin at his success at hiding oreos is exactly what I’m here for
You like that eh? Well you are going to love today’s installment
Look at that. So sad. So few Oreos left
Guess I’ll just pin em right to the middle of the wall in the middle of the living room. She’ll never find em there
Oh, guess I should put this back up
Bwa ha ha ha! You guys! You guys don’t understand! I was planning on doing this and when I got home and looked at it I was like “aww, it’s too thin. They won’t fit.” I even TOLD my wife this and how I was disappointed that I wouldn’t be able to hide them back there.
But then I looked again. They dooooo
Thank you all so much for the love. I knew y'all would like this, but I had no idea you would like it THIS MUCH. People calling us “goals” and stuff… Man…. It’s kinda hard to take in ya know? Anyways: if this post gets Over 9000™ before I get off work today I will pick up Halloween Oreos on my way home and this will not stop
And, as promised, a dopey grin
Twasnt easy to get the stupid video to load. But I got it and I recommend giving it a watch here: http://keepcalmandcarrieunderwood.tumblr.com/post/179330357103
She is so happy that the Oreo Saga continues. Just look at how happy she is
Came home to find this
But she never looked inside the blue chair
Good stuff, but it’s time for some cookies
Gotta have some while I think about where these guys are going next
Hmmmmm
Got it.
Ohmygosh oh. my. gosh. You guys. Near disaster. Check this shiz out:
Wife and I were sewing Elly’s Halloween costume up
Yea, she is going to be a spider and it’s super cute and all but. But. Loooook
Holy actual shit the Oreos fell out from the table literally next to her.
The moment she got up I threw them into the closet
Also:shout out to whoever it was that lost a follower for this post
Sry bout that eh.
(Your picture was not posted)
booksnmusicals: lumos5001: thought of my
Oct. 7th, 2018 07:33 pmvia https://ift.tt/2zWaMRd
booksnmusicals:
lumos5001:
thought of my friend’s FB post the other day while making cookies
i thought this was going to be something profound and meaningful but it’s literally the long version of i fucked up
(Your picture was not posted)
booksnmusicals:
lumos5001:
thought of my friend’s FB post the other day while making cookies
i thought this was going to be something profound and meaningful but it’s literally the long version of i fucked up
(Your picture was not posted)
