Sep. 21st, 2017

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willcub:

ariesaav:

fuzzbutt07:

*slams reblog*

Klezmer dolphins.

I don’t know that I’ve reblogged anything faster in my entire tumblr life.  
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tonydezz:

little-bratty-sloth:

We don’t deserve dogs

See that’s when you have to realize you gotta drop out of college and stay your ass home
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bophtelophti:

jewish-suggestion:

“MIR LEBN EYBIK” by Louisa Lyne & Di Yiddishe Kapelye

MIR LEBN EYBIK - We’ll live forever - is a powerful song, originally from the ghetto in Vilna, with a message that’s once again current. With this song Louisa Lyne & di Yiddishe Kapelye call for humanity and respect in our dark time of growing xenophobia.

Lyrics and translation:

מיר לעבן אײביק, עס ברענט אַ װעלט
מיר לעבן אײביק, אָן אַ גראָשן געלט
און אױף צעפּוקעניש די אַלע שׂונאים 
װאָס װילן אונדז פֿאַרשװאַרצן אונזער פּנים

מיר לעבן אײביק, מיר זײַנען דאָ
מיר לעבן אײביק, אין יעדער שעה
מיר װעלן לעבן און דערלעבן
שלעכטע צײַטן איבערלעבן
מיר לעבן אײביק, מיר זײַנען דאָ
Mir lebn eybik, es brent a velt
Mir lebn eybik, on a groshn gelt
Un oyf tsepukenish di ale sonim
Vos viln undz farshvartsn undzer ponim
Mir lebn eybik, mir zaynen do
Mir lebn eybik, in yeder sho
Mir veln lebn un derlebn
Shlekhte tsaytn iberlebn
Mir lebn eybik, mir zaynen do

We live forever, a world burns
We live forever, without a penny
And to hell with all our enemies
Who want to dirty our faces
We live forever, we are here
We live forever, in every hour
We will live and live on
Survive bad times
We live forever, we are here
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tastefullyoffensive:

An important pupdate. (via thisbemesara)

@thugicorn
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me: "I remember what happened in the previous books, no need to reread."
me: *opens book and reads the first characters' name*
me: WHO thE HelL Even arE YoU PEOplE???
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Photo

Sep. 21st, 2017 12:29 am
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lady-kaaesien:

My heart and prayers are with the people of Mexico, hit by this terrible earthquake…

I also think and pray for Puerto Rico and the Carribean that have to face the disaster of the hurricanes and tempests….

I feel powerless, but I want to think of all those people who live in places that seem to be considered “less important” by media, people who suffer every single day but that don’t get enough help nor recognition… They matter and they must not be forgotten…
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blackness-by-your-side:

Love has no gender. Love has no race. Love has no age.
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melonmemes:

Loop hole
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actual-smaug:

leeeeeeeeeegooooooooolaaaaaaaaas:

it only took one arrow to bring down Smaug

and three to take down Boromir

who’s the real bitch here

the fuck kind of post is this
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thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

waffle-os:

stitched-to-a-smile:

animechibileak123:

You also have these baby teenage mutant ninja turtles to protect you.

This is actually such a good tactic for people with serious anxiety problems. Thank you. Really. Omg.

Also immunity cat protects your blog from “if you don’t reblog I’m judging you” posts
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tripropellant:

ryu1964:

phoneus:

ryu1964:

phoneus:

ryu1964:

ryu1964:

phoneus:

phoneus:

phoneus:

phoneus:

I’m glad everyone is cooling it with the vore jokes, the fetish joke thing gets beaten into the ground. I remember when spanking jokes were popular and it was a real pain in the ass

and that week where we everyone was making financial domination jokes really took its toll on my patience

and, ugh, the foot jokes. you guys really toed the line with those. whatever it wasn’t as bad as the self flagellation jokes so don’t beat yourself up about it

for the record the frotteurism jokes really rubbed me the wrong way too

asdasd

tttttturrr, tuuturuturuturruturuturturuurturturuurturuurutrutuuruurtrutrrutur Pee Peee wasd

hey man you good?

p

are you ok ryu?

Don’t Talk me

this has got to be one of the best posts on tumblr honestly. the two styles of humor being employed here could not be more drastically different but they work together like a cheese and strawberries… magnifique
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gaymilesedgeworth:

tastykake:

vladislava:

when a jewish holiday is coming up but you can’t remember which one

“blessed are you oh lord our god, ruler of the universe, who has kept us alive, sustained us, and enabled us to reach….. some season. not sure which. definitely one of them, though.”

happy whatever it is that we’re celebrating this time!
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iamsapphirecrimsonclaw:

megatraven:

humunanunga:

photoshop-and-chocolate:

dualclock:

photoshop-and-chocolate:

photoshop-and-chocolate:

today i learned nipples grow back and now have to figure out what to do with this information

cuz if i needed to learn it everyone else has to too

I know nipples grow back because once when i was in middle school in my art class a bunch of dudesat my table who were always fucking around instead of doing their work heard a rumor that if you spray AXE directly onto your nipple for exactly sixty seconds, and flicked it, your nipple will come off. So the moment the teacher left the room to go to the bathroom or something, they whip out a can and one brave soul among their number begins to spray himself, while the others chanted ritualistically. At 60 seconds, they watched, giggling, as the young man put his hand up to his breast and flicked. to their horror, the nipple did come off and, at ballistic speeds, soared across the table and hit me right in the cheek. And stuck. So everyone who was aware of this spectacle is sitting there in stunned silence, all while blood gushed from the nipple hole of the young man. I am so stunned that I am literally incapable of moving, having astral-projected so far away from this disembodied nipple that i may as well have been a dead man. The teacher returns and his shirt comes down, in an attempt to hide the tomfoolery, but yall know AXE Body Spray knows nothing of mercy, and almost immediately she was alerted to the scent of defeat and the sight of blood seeping through the young mans shirt. She didnt ask for an explaination, simply advised him to take the pass and go to the nurse. As he stands to go, his fellow comerade, remembering me suddenly, reaches over and plucks the bodiless nipple from my cheek, like a grape from the vine, and runs up to his friend with the words “dont forget your nipple”. It was a moving experience that honestly changed my life forever. I’m a new man after that day.

This is by far the best addition to any post I have ever made.

aRE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME

T HIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING I’VE EVER READ IN MY L IF E

wow, that shit is acid, or something
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lesbianrey:

Are Millennials Killing the DUI Industry
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humansofnewyork:

“We were pretty poor back in Mexico. My parents were divorced. Mom did the best she could. She was always a hustler. She’d sell jewelry, or food, or anything that she could. But a lot of nights there still wouldn’t be enough to eat. We’d survive on tortillas and salt. I was only eight when we came to America. So I was too young to understand. I think my mom thought she could make some money and bring us home. She thought she’d learn English, and maybe start a business. But it was so much harder than she expected. We moved so much looking for work. She’s fifty and she still cleans houses every day. Every year she gets more worn down. She’s been getting sick a lot lately. But she can’t afford to stop. She never will. Right now I’m in school. I always thought I had to be the best student because I’m undocumented. I thought I’d go to law school, or graduate school. But now I’m not so sure. My mom would literally destroy her body to make that happen for me. How could I allow that to happen? I’m a Dreamer. And everyone loves the Dreamers because we’re a perfect package to sell. But why am I the only one who gets the chance to feel safe? Whenever I hear ‘I stand with Dreamers,’ I always think about my mom. I’m not willing to throw her under the bus. I’m not willing to be a bargaining chip to make her seem like a criminal. Everything people admire about Dreamers is because of our parents.”
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adhdkirabraginsky:

marauders4evr:

factsinallcaps:

fenrisesque:

factsinallcaps:

sightless-raiton:

factsinallcaps:

THE LIST OF THINGS NINTENDO PREDATES INCLUDES, BUT IS NOT LIMITED TO:

THE SHERLOCK HOLMES FRANCHISE

UNITED STATES PRESIDENT DWIGHT D. EISHENHOWER’S BIRTH

THE NOVEL “DRACULA”

THE NOVELS “THE TIME MACHINE” AND “WAR OF THE WORLDS” BY H.G. WELLS

THE FIRST MODERN OLYMPIC GAMES

THE DISCOVERY OF HELIUM ON EARTH

… Okay. I believe you. But like… how?

NINTENDO WAS FOUNDED IN 1889 AS A CARD GAME MANUFACTURER AND ALL THOSE OTHER THINGS HAPPENED IN 1890 OR LATER

WHAT THE FUCK I THOUGHT DRACULA WAS EARLIER WHAT THE FUCK

YOU COULD WRITE A DRACULA FANFIC WHERE DRACULA TRAVELS TO JAPAN AND BUYS A PACK OF NINTENDO BRAND PLAYING CARDS AND IT WOULD BE HISTORICALLY ACCURATE. SAME DEAL FOR SHERLOCK HOLMES.

No no no no no!

Don’t write fanfic!

Those things are in the public domain!

You can legally write, publish, and sell a Dracula book where Dracula travels to Japan and buys a pack of Nintendo brand playing cards!

Same deal for Sherlock Holmes!

what if you write a book where dracula and sherlock holmes travel to japan at the same time and reach for the last pack of nintendo brand playing cards that they both wanted
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marycp2011:

tastefullyoffensive:

Dixie has an Instagram. (via mhooper_2014)

ouch.
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paintedcowboy:

cinemotionpicture:

Getting into character// Makeup edition (pt 1)

@southern-borngirl
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stuffandsundry:

eff-word:

kuttithevangu:

purified-zone:

kuttithevangu:

If the ocean ever disappears DONT GO LOOKING FOR IT… go in the other direction

i know this sounds like a shitpost but isn’t this like, real advice regarding tsunamis

Yes this was about hurricane Irma it is not a shitpost

This is actually really good advice so let me elaborate a bit: if you notice the tide is retreating very quickly at a very odd time of day, get as far away from water and as high up as you can. I live along the ocean and a long time ago we had a small tsunami and a relative of mine tells me how her father saw the tides retreating so he just picked her up and just ran, which probably saved their lives.

So yeah DONT LOOK FOR THE MISSING OCEAN just run away

ocean not lost, ocean is actually winding up to kick you very hard in the nuts.
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glumshoe:

congruentepitheton:

writernotwaiting:

congruentepitheton:

Noir subgenres

- Fantasy noir: Pour another one, Joe. My dragon left me for some clean-shaven cape-wearing foreign hero with an accent so thick you can hear the fake passport in his voice.

- Existential noir: these are mean streets to have an empty life in, kid. Thinkers nurse a hangover from their disgust of life for fifty years then roll over and die. This is how we run things in our city. Play it again, will you.

- Southern Gothic Noir: look at yourself, boy. They’ve got names for people who carry the Bible like that. They’ve got names for everything around here. And if you don’t get it the first time the walls will whisper it back to you.

– Noir Mythology: She was a priestess at some local temple. One of those temple only people who pray for a pint of bourbon and a life insurance go to. And she had a face that meant trouble, make no mistake. But not after Zeus turned her into a cow. Not after Zeus turned her into a cow.

- Noir meta-Shakespeare: Characters like us, Horatio. We weren’t born to grow old and mean. We faff around, we mix a stiff one, and then we die. But when we die, we die hard and we make sure we bring the whole damn city down with us.

- Noir Milton: Heaven looked high class from fifty feet away but from five feet away it looked like the kind of place meant to be seen from fifty feet away. Stay there long enough you get a double pint of Hell’s Bells. Real hell is my business now. Real hell is how I make my nickel.

- Noir William Blake: She was the sort of tiger a bishop would paint crosses on his front door against. You can’t tell anything from tigers like that. She could have had the sheriff in the back room. She could have been making millions. But you could tell she burned bright in all the right places. Oh, dhe burned bright all right.

- Noir Dylan Thomas: Alright, old man. Amateur hour is over. You go down kicking and screaming or you don’t go down at all, you get my meaning?

- Noir Keats: Outside, the Autumn smelled of politics: it asked only for the highest types of men and had nothing to offer them but bleating lambs and the song of crickets. The sort of autumn that shares his smokes and his wife with the maturing sun. “I don’t like Spring,” the kid said. “That’s all right, sonny boy. I ain’t selling it.”

- Noir Edgar Allan Poe: You could tell from the way he sauntered in the bird meant business. He had the kind of beak that could drive a nail through your forehead. Didn’t string more than two words together but he knew all the right ones all the same. He knew which ones stung. “I don’t want no birds in my room,” I said, loud enough for hell to hear. But birds like that don’t just scram. Birds like that stick to you like a bad divorce from a Hollywood diva.

I will apologize in advance for this comment, because I LOVE THIS POST and I do not wish to profane it, but when I read the Dylan Thomas noir, my brain first read “you go down dicking and screaming,” and I really think that, considering Thomas’s life, it still feels perfectly appropriate.

I BITTERLY REGRET NOT HAVING WRITTEN THAT.

hey OP this a fucking good post
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congruentepitheton:

Go float yourself: the expression I didn’t know I needed.
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allacharade:

just-shower-thoughts:

Jewish people who type the word “god” as “g-d”: Do you think you can fool the big man upstairs with a technical work around? When he goes through your emails/texts/facebook posts after you die, you don’t think he’s gonna see that dash and think “this sneaky fuck here, enjoy h-ll.”

this thought comes from someone who has no idea how Judaism works, but okay.
People avoid writing out God’s name, because you aren’t ever allowed to destroy or desecrate something with God’s name on it - you have to bury it instead. That’s what a genizah is. The most well known is probably the Cairo Genizah. It’s a box where Jews can put anything with God’s name on it to ensure that it gets buried.
So obviously Jews do write out God’s name. In fact, it used to be traditional to mark the top of pages with God’s name as a kind of blessing or mark of honesty. That’s why there are so many miscellaneous texts in genizahs.
Judaism reads “do not use my name in vain” pretty literally as a command to revere and respect the Y-H-V-H name of God.
Most rabbis agree that this commandment only holds for the hebrew, so not typing out God is more something people do out of respect or as a nod to this tradition. Some people use G-d because they want to parallel the fact that the tradition was put in place for people who would be speaking and writing in hebrew or a very near identical language like Aramaic.

It’s a matter of respect, not a matter of “don’t do this or you will be punished.”
Besides, Judaism deals almost exclusively with punishment in life and Judaism very explicitly doesn’t have a clear and codified notion of עולם הבא (the world to come). And there is certainly no notion of hell.
Also, Judaism is not nearly that harsh in response to small mistakes. We have a holiday every year explicitly devoted to the idea that we all fuck up and that we need to ask forgiveness from each other and God (and during which God does all the judging - God doesn’t wait until after we die. It’s an active thing that can be constantly adjusted).
Maybe world religions is not the best topic of contemplation during your shower.
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30-birds:

She’s done! i think. for now.

Her name is Geothe! 
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thetygre:

psychoticrambling:

my crystal ball says you really fucked up this time

Rolling 1 on a Divination check.
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hawk-feathers:

This little bug has thoroughly stolen my heart.
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