![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Jul. 30th, 2017
via http://ift.tt/2vhO3hd:
turntwifey:
just want someone who can’t shut the fuck up about me
(Your picture was not posted)
turntwifey:
just want someone who can’t shut the fuck up about me
(Your picture was not posted)
via http://ift.tt/2vhteCB:
noticing a typo after the message has sent: so maybe they won't see that... maybe they won't say anything... maybe i'm in the clear... maybe the calm won't be ruined by a storm, this time......
the awful receiver of the message, being the menace that they are: replies with nothing but the typo
(Your picture was not posted)
noticing a typo after the message has sent: so maybe they won't see that... maybe they won't say anything... maybe i'm in the clear... maybe the calm won't be ruined by a storm, this time......
the awful receiver of the message, being the menace that they are: replies with nothing but the typo
(Your picture was not posted)
via http://ift.tt/2vUmxDK:
ohitsjustkim:
esm398:
jakebumlick:
pika-brew:
pika-brew:
My roommate and I are really sick and we look like shit, but we were hungry so we ordered pizza.
But we didn’t want anyone to see us, so we asked them over the phone if we can leave the money on the door and they can just drop off the pizza.
The guy said sure.
So we decided to leave a nice little note
and we hung it above the door bell. I hope they like it!
oMGGGG
pizza cares
Pizza understands
pizza spelt its own name wrong
(Your picture was not posted)
ohitsjustkim:
esm398:
jakebumlick:
pika-brew:
pika-brew:
My roommate and I are really sick and we look like shit, but we were hungry so we ordered pizza.
But we didn’t want anyone to see us, so we asked them over the phone if we can leave the money on the door and they can just drop off the pizza.
The guy said sure.
So we decided to leave a nice little note
and we hung it above the door bell. I hope they like it!
oMGGGG
pizza cares
Pizza understands
pizza spelt its own name wrong
(Your picture was not posted)
god i hate puritans
Jul. 30th, 2017 03:04 amvia http://ift.tt/2vUgvTk:
puritans: oh no people in england will not let us close all the playhouses and force everyone to wear underwear made of steel wool and generally dictate everything about what everyone else does. we must away to the new world where we can oppress people as much as we want
american history books: RELIGIOUS FREEDOM!
jews & all other Actually Oppressed religious groups: [look directly into the camera]
(Your picture was not posted)
puritans: oh no people in england will not let us close all the playhouses and force everyone to wear underwear made of steel wool and generally dictate everything about what everyone else does. we must away to the new world where we can oppress people as much as we want
american history books: RELIGIOUS FREEDOM!
jews & all other Actually Oppressed religious groups: [look directly into the camera]
(Your picture was not posted)
via http://ift.tt/2vU9GRN:
russell-tomlin:
Sea Breeze (by russell.tomlin)
(Your picture was not posted)
russell-tomlin:
Sea Breeze (by russell.tomlin)
(Your picture was not posted)
via http://ift.tt/2vUgSgE:
theultravioletcatastrophe:
ladyofthetrashheap:
shameshack:
So I saw these candles at a store
my shitty monitor made me read that as candies first
and i thought why the fuck are there emoji candies
then i saw the wicks and died
WHY
WHY
WHO DECIDED THESE ABOMINATIONS NEEDED TO BE MADE
Can you imagine how terrifying they look when they melt?
(Your picture was not posted)
theultravioletcatastrophe:
ladyofthetrashheap:
shameshack:
So I saw these candles at a store
my shitty monitor made me read that as candies first
and i thought why the fuck are there emoji candies
then i saw the wicks and died
WHY
WHY
WHO DECIDED THESE ABOMINATIONS NEEDED TO BE MADE
Can you imagine how terrifying they look when they melt?
(Your picture was not posted)
via http://ift.tt/2vU0CfL:
imyellintimberrr:
spxmano:
oi-flyboy:
My first time at starbucks be like
fucking wild
watch this I’ve never seen anything more relatable
(Your picture was not posted)
imyellintimberrr:
spxmano:
oi-flyboy:
My first time at starbucks be like
fucking wild
watch this I’ve never seen anything more relatable
(Your picture was not posted)
via http://ift.tt/2vU5L7L:
the-real-seebs:
variablejabberwocky:
frosty-the-snowden:
sleepycleric:
frosty-the-snowden:
odinsnotwearingmakeup:
fantasticworldofflanneldoodle:
Is this what war is now?
We finally weaponized gay chicken
I told y’all about the time at Adeevka, right?
Tell us a story, Frosty!
I was at Adeevka where the Ukrainians are trying to take a strategically-located overpass from the Separs (I was there as a peaceful tourist who never even touched a firearm, of course) and the positions there are about 400 or so meters away from each other, so if you scream loud enough the fucks on the other side can actually hear you.
Up to this point, I’d observed a guy dropping his phone like it was going to bite him when I told him the Bruno Mars song he was playing was gay, and could reliably make people leave the room by asking them “would you rather sit on a chocolate cake and suck a dick, or eat a chocolate cake while getting fucked in the ass”, so it’s at this point in the trenches that a flash of inspiration hits me.
In my best Russian (which was utterly broken but “proper” Russian grammar is barbaric caveman-speak anyway) I scream out “next guy that shoots is gay”. And I swear to whatever god exists that two solid minutes of silence followed. It was some guns-fall-silent Christmas miracle shit
thats it, thats the Gay Agenda ™ : world peace
antiweaponized homophobia
(Your picture was not posted)
the-real-seebs:
variablejabberwocky:
frosty-the-snowden:
sleepycleric:
frosty-the-snowden:
odinsnotwearingmakeup:
fantasticworldofflanneldoodle:
Is this what war is now?
We finally weaponized gay chicken
I told y’all about the time at Adeevka, right?
Tell us a story, Frosty!
I was at Adeevka where the Ukrainians are trying to take a strategically-located overpass from the Separs (I was there as a peaceful tourist who never even touched a firearm, of course) and the positions there are about 400 or so meters away from each other, so if you scream loud enough the fucks on the other side can actually hear you.
Up to this point, I’d observed a guy dropping his phone like it was going to bite him when I told him the Bruno Mars song he was playing was gay, and could reliably make people leave the room by asking them “would you rather sit on a chocolate cake and suck a dick, or eat a chocolate cake while getting fucked in the ass”, so it’s at this point in the trenches that a flash of inspiration hits me.
In my best Russian (which was utterly broken but “proper” Russian grammar is barbaric caveman-speak anyway) I scream out “next guy that shoots is gay”. And I swear to whatever god exists that two solid minutes of silence followed. It was some guns-fall-silent Christmas miracle shit
thats it, thats the Gay Agenda ™ : world peace
antiweaponized homophobia
(Your picture was not posted)
via http://ift.tt/2vUwv7N:
raburine:
i have a lot to do but i just love haru so much…..
Commission info | Facebook
(Your picture was not posted)
raburine:
i have a lot to do but i just love haru so much…..
Commission info | Facebook
(Your picture was not posted)
What made you want to be poly?
Jul. 30th, 2017 03:35 amvia http://ift.tt/2uJtYPA:
Because I’m absolutely in love with falling in love.
Because I live for the moment when your stomach drops out underneath you and your pulse races and you realize with absolute certainty that you’re going to be kissed for the first time.
Because I want to know people. REALLY KNOW PEOPLE. I want to get inside them and learn their dark places and discover the strange ways our edges fit together. I want to learn and teach and create and grow and grow.
Because I want to offer support and ask for support and be strong together and be weak together.
Because I have so much strength to offer, it feels stifling to mould my energy to one solitary partner’s needs.
Because I have so many weaknesses, so many imperfections, so many egregious flaws, insecurities, and doubts, it feels unfair to foist them all on one, lonely human, to demand that they understand me perfectly, that they always be enough.
Because I see humans like prisms, refracting their personalities like light, and because I gain nourishment for each band of color within myself from different people and different experiences.
Because nothing in the world feels more natural to me than kissing my friends. Or holding my friends. Or fucking my friends.
Because I want to live in a warm. bolstering place in this cold, touch-starved world. And I’ve managed to create one for myself.
Because it’s worth the effort it takes to make it work, and my work to maintain my lifestyle has nourished the best parts of me – honesty, self-knowledge, respect, bravery, and compassion.
Because why the hell are we on this poorly-insulated rock of a planet if we aren’t going to grab life with both hands and have as many experiences as we possibly can?
Because this is who I am. This is what brings me joy. And who doesn’t want to feel joyful?
(Your picture was not posted)
Because I’m absolutely in love with falling in love.
Because I live for the moment when your stomach drops out underneath you and your pulse races and you realize with absolute certainty that you’re going to be kissed for the first time.
Because I want to know people. REALLY KNOW PEOPLE. I want to get inside them and learn their dark places and discover the strange ways our edges fit together. I want to learn and teach and create and grow and grow.
Because I want to offer support and ask for support and be strong together and be weak together.
Because I have so much strength to offer, it feels stifling to mould my energy to one solitary partner’s needs.
Because I have so many weaknesses, so many imperfections, so many egregious flaws, insecurities, and doubts, it feels unfair to foist them all on one, lonely human, to demand that they understand me perfectly, that they always be enough.
Because I see humans like prisms, refracting their personalities like light, and because I gain nourishment for each band of color within myself from different people and different experiences.
Because nothing in the world feels more natural to me than kissing my friends. Or holding my friends. Or fucking my friends.
Because I want to live in a warm. bolstering place in this cold, touch-starved world. And I’ve managed to create one for myself.
Because it’s worth the effort it takes to make it work, and my work to maintain my lifestyle has nourished the best parts of me – honesty, self-knowledge, respect, bravery, and compassion.
Because why the hell are we on this poorly-insulated rock of a planet if we aren’t going to grab life with both hands and have as many experiences as we possibly can?
Because this is who I am. This is what brings me joy. And who doesn’t want to feel joyful?
(Your picture was not posted)
via http://ift.tt/2vUqdVY:
dajjthespoon:
when someone says something so stupid that you can’t use anything in your current vernacular to describe how wrong they are
(Your picture was not posted)
dajjthespoon:
when someone says something so stupid that you can’t use anything in your current vernacular to describe how wrong they are
(Your picture was not posted)
barkeep: whatll it be fellas
Jul. 30th, 2017 04:09 amvia http://ift.tt/2v8a1D0:
barkeep: whatll it be fellas
fella 1: give me a bloody mary
fella 2: bloody mary
bloody mary in the mirror behind the bar: come on come on come on
fella 3: ill have the same
(Your picture was not posted)
barkeep: whatll it be fellas
fella 1: give me a bloody mary
fella 2: bloody mary
bloody mary in the mirror behind the bar: come on come on come on
fella 3: ill have the same
(Your picture was not posted)
via http://ift.tt/2v7Q2o3:
uni416:
uni416:
There are timezone differences, and then there’s…
Thank you, @telinwow, for this information.
(Your picture was not posted)
uni416:
uni416:
There are timezone differences, and then there’s…
Thank you, @telinwow, for this information.
(Your picture was not posted)
via http://ift.tt/2uN6cQV:
did-you-kno:
Dr. Barry J. Marshall was convinced that H. pylori bacteria causes stomach ulcers, but no one believed him. Since it was illegal to test his theory on humans, he drank the bacteria himself, developed ulcers within days, treated them with antibiotics, and won a Nobel Prize. Source Source 2 Source 3
(Your picture was not posted)
did-you-kno:
Dr. Barry J. Marshall was convinced that H. pylori bacteria causes stomach ulcers, but no one believed him. Since it was illegal to test his theory on humans, he drank the bacteria himself, developed ulcers within days, treated them with antibiotics, and won a Nobel Prize. Source Source 2 Source 3
(Your picture was not posted)
via http://ift.tt/2hdeyhI:
thehaust:
ainawgsd:
Cows with Flower Crowns
I have found perfection.
(Your picture was not posted)
thehaust:
ainawgsd:
Cows with Flower Crowns
I have found perfection.
(Your picture was not posted)
via http://ift.tt/2tOr74V:
tretijreznor:
sometimes self care is saying “this is stupid” and closing the tab
(Your picture was not posted)
tretijreznor:
sometimes self care is saying “this is stupid” and closing the tab
(Your picture was not posted)
via http://ift.tt/2tOxzZH:
bossubossupromode:
bossubossupromode:
what sound do finger guns make?
finger bangs
(Your picture was not posted)
bossubossupromode:
bossubossupromode:
what sound do finger guns make?
finger bangs
(Your picture was not posted)
via http://ift.tt/2u9xnDK:
transhumanisticpanspermia:
vicious mockery is my favorite spell in dungeons and dragons because like
A) it does decent damage
B) it’s a cantrip
so canonically, a talented musician can murder commonfolk by hurling a single insult at them (average damage at 17+ level is 10, max 16.). imagine a chaotic evil bard who becomes a serial killer and the local guards are afraid to pursue him because you might go up and say “you’re under arrest” but then he just retorts ‘your mom is under arrest” and you fucking die on the spot
that same musician, if he can manage to successfully insult the world’s most fearsome ancient dragon 55 times without dying first… it dies. a process which would still take only about 11 minutes (assuming the bard has a spell DC of 19, meaning the dragon would fail about 50% of the saves.)
(Your picture was not posted)
transhumanisticpanspermia:
vicious mockery is my favorite spell in dungeons and dragons because like
A) it does decent damage
B) it’s a cantrip
so canonically, a talented musician can murder commonfolk by hurling a single insult at them (average damage at 17+ level is 10, max 16.). imagine a chaotic evil bard who becomes a serial killer and the local guards are afraid to pursue him because you might go up and say “you’re under arrest” but then he just retorts ‘your mom is under arrest” and you fucking die on the spot
that same musician, if he can manage to successfully insult the world’s most fearsome ancient dragon 55 times without dying first… it dies. a process which would still take only about 11 minutes (assuming the bard has a spell DC of 19, meaning the dragon would fail about 50% of the saves.)
(Your picture was not posted)
via http://ift.tt/2vjhCiz:
themarginalthinker:
morbidlyqueerious:
battlships:
theweirdwideweb:
:-O
It’s not actually known if lemons were made by humans or if they were just natural hybrids of citrons and sour oranges. Apparently it’s super common for citrons to fertilize basically anything they’re near.
great now we gotta kinkshame the fruit
Everything about this post is going in so many directions at once
(Your picture was not posted)
themarginalthinker:
morbidlyqueerious:
battlships:
theweirdwideweb:
:-O
It’s not actually known if lemons were made by humans or if they were just natural hybrids of citrons and sour oranges. Apparently it’s super common for citrons to fertilize basically anything they’re near.
great now we gotta kinkshame the fruit
Everything about this post is going in so many directions at once
(Your picture was not posted)
via http://ift.tt/2ua9wE1:
laughcentre:
austinrocksalot:
padalecki-party:
blackichigo1:
LMAOOO HAHAHA
this was the greatest joke I have ever heard
(Your picture was not posted)
laughcentre:
austinrocksalot:
padalecki-party:
blackichigo1:
LMAOOO HAHAHA
this was the greatest joke I have ever heard
(Your picture was not posted)
via http://ift.tt/2tUJCsE:
ideokinesis:
hvlth-gxth:
team-bear-arms:
kingjaffejoffer:
shesajewel79:
kingjaffejoffer:
Just called my new boss by the wrong name in a meeting in front of everyone
What happened next??
Awkward silence from everyone
Nobody corrected me. I eventually found out a few mins later when someone called him by the right name
Call him by the wrong name again, but a different one than you just used.
Call him by the same wrong name again but forcefully and with eye contact. You’re the boss now.
Introduce yourself by his name and call him by your own name. You’re the boss now.
(Your picture was not posted)
ideokinesis:
hvlth-gxth:
team-bear-arms:
kingjaffejoffer:
shesajewel79:
kingjaffejoffer:
Just called my new boss by the wrong name in a meeting in front of everyone
What happened next??
Awkward silence from everyone
Nobody corrected me. I eventually found out a few mins later when someone called him by the right name
Call him by the wrong name again, but a different one than you just used.
Call him by the same wrong name again but forcefully and with eye contact. You’re the boss now.
Introduce yourself by his name and call him by your own name. You’re the boss now.
(Your picture was not posted)
via http://ift.tt/2u9WHtj:
goddamnshinyrock:
apparently lucidchart.com is free for students, so I made a little test chart while learning the ropes.
(Your picture was not posted)
goddamnshinyrock:
apparently lucidchart.com is free for students, so I made a little test chart while learning the ropes.
(Your picture was not posted)
via http://ift.tt/2tUzbF9:
“
She got no standing ovation. She got no mainstream media lauds for her heroism. She got no kudos for leaving home, a much longer journey than that other senator, the one from Arizona, to get to DC, and there are no mainstream media stories on it that I can find… I only found out from a friend who spotted it on Twitter.
She didn’t do it for publicity.
Senator Mazie Hirono of Hawaii was just doing her job as a good politician, voting not to repeal the ACA so as to protect her constituents. She has Stage Four kidney cancer — that means scarce chances of survival — is recovering from a second surgery to remove part of a rib, and made sure she got to her seat in the Senate Chamber to vote “no” to whatever Republican wealth-care crap was thrown at her.
But you’ll only find out about it on social media. Because she’s not a pale male, maybe?
”
- The heroic Senator with severe cancer who interrupted treatment to vote… NO
(via wilwheaton)
(Your picture was not posted)
“
She got no standing ovation. She got no mainstream media lauds for her heroism. She got no kudos for leaving home, a much longer journey than that other senator, the one from Arizona, to get to DC, and there are no mainstream media stories on it that I can find… I only found out from a friend who spotted it on Twitter.
She didn’t do it for publicity.
Senator Mazie Hirono of Hawaii was just doing her job as a good politician, voting not to repeal the ACA so as to protect her constituents. She has Stage Four kidney cancer — that means scarce chances of survival — is recovering from a second surgery to remove part of a rib, and made sure she got to her seat in the Senate Chamber to vote “no” to whatever Republican wealth-care crap was thrown at her.
But you’ll only find out about it on social media. Because she’s not a pale male, maybe?
”
- The heroic Senator with severe cancer who interrupted treatment to vote… NO
(via wilwheaton)
(Your picture was not posted)
via http://ift.tt/2uOBV4b:
sidetongue:
lvtsoulstice:
sidetongue:
if the world were an Oyster, she would not be the pearl.
Because pearls are smooth and safe and certainly don’t bite this hard
She would be the really cute tiny crab living on it that pinches harder than its size should allow and doesn’t let go
That is EXACTLY what she would be
(Your picture was not posted)
sidetongue:
lvtsoulstice:
sidetongue:
if the world were an Oyster, she would not be the pearl.
Because pearls are smooth and safe and certainly don’t bite this hard
She would be the really cute tiny crab living on it that pinches harder than its size should allow and doesn’t let go
That is EXACTLY what she would be
(Your picture was not posted)