Jul. 28th, 2016

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lelophant:

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tkdancer:

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lazerwitcharoonie:

teroknortailor:

itwashotwestayedinthewater:

redscout:

macotaco1:

redscout:

you gotta be dunkin my donuts

you gotta be huttin my pizza

you gotta be mackin my donalds, man

youre really innin’ my outs here, buddy. youre fivein my guys.

ya whitin my castle. ya dairyin my queen. ya steakin my shake.

But are you belling my taco

you’re expressing my panda

you’re starring my bucks here bud

u rly krispin my kremes my dude

You’re really carling my junior here bucko

wendys
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sincerelydayyy:

I found my happiness for today.
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constant-instigator:

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marmotsomsierost:

thebibliosphere:

felren13:

bigscaryd:

wtfbadfantasycovers:

professorofeljay:

nyxira:

akamine-chan:

thebibliosphere:

zinglebert-bembledack:

thebibliosphere:

felren13:

@thebibliosphere look what I found? I saw it and thought of you. 

in a good way, i promise!!!

I love the caption that says “they’re baaaack” both implying there is more to this, and the author is a 1980s equivalent of s shit poster.

I have. THREE. Of these books. They are a collection of short stories featuring the ridiculous fantasy tropes of women warriors. It’s a group of lady writers taking the piss out of lazy male fantasy writers and they’re FANTASTIC. If you ignore the shitpost covers.

TO AMAZON USED MARKETPLACE

I was gonna add that these books were fucking great.

READ THESE.  They are so funny and clever and they take a literary morningstar to the patriarchy. 

There are six books in this series. Five of them came out between 1995 and 2004; Book Six came out in 2015 after an 11-year hiatus, so here’s hoping for more. They are, in order:

Chicks in Chainmail

Did You Say Chicks?!

Chicks ‘N Chained Males

The Chick is in the Mail

Turn the Other Chick

Chicks Ahoy! (trade omnibus of the first three books, no new stories)

Chicks and Balances

One of the things I love best about the series is that the various authors will often write short stories for them about the same set of characters: there are several stories about the Ladies’ Aid & Armor Society, a support group/workers union for women in the army; merc-for-hire Hallah Iron-Thighs and her partner in violence Gerta Dershnitzel; single mother/also merc-for hire Rivakonniva; etc. So yes, go out and buy them, they are so fun.

Also edited by the same person, but not in the same series:

Bonus note: I met Esther Friesner a couple of times and she’s exactly what you’d expect from the editor of these. Lovely lady, 100% tumblr-before-tumblr-was-tumblr.

reblogging for the fangs for the mammaries.  i must go find this book.

Oh my god this post got so much better.

YES, HAVE SOME!

ahahaha. I have five of them–i’m missing chicks and balances. I should fix that.

My wife told me to find a bit of a story she vaguely remembered me reading bits of to her, but I told her that would be…kinda a long journey since it could be in any of the five books I have. 

HOWEVER! In the first book, there is a story called “Exchange Program” and it stars Hillary Rodham Clinton organizing the Valkyries in Valhalla and getting them better treatment from the Norse pantheon. It’s….wonderful. All of these books are wonderful. 

I am going to have to find the Fangs for the Mammories. I did not know about it, and I need it.

The specific passage I asked her to find described a warrior lady in great detail, going into depth about how no part of her could reasonably by described as “pert”.

It concluded by describing some orcs. And that they could be called “pert” if you really wanted to.
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tomfordvelvetorchid:

reginaxrose:

memphises:

“meet or greet” i’m crying

He couldn’t even keep a straight face

He’s so cute like this is such a pure joke
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cobracadabra:

Same tie spotted!

Also, the difference between the video quality is scary.
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micdotcom:

Watch: Trayvon Martin’s mother Sybrina Fulton speaks with the Mothers of the Movement on stage at the DNC
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lauralot89:

Everybody knows Hillary’s a liar.  Everybody knows Hillary’s corrupt.  Everybody knows Hillary’s a criminal.  Everybody hates Hillary, and no one enthusiastically supports her; her voters are just afraid of Trump.

I’ve heard these things stated over and over throughout the primaries, without any sources to back them up.  Who needs sources?  We all know Hillary Clinton’s the worst, don’t we?  She wouldn’t have decades of scandals and all these hearings and investigations if she weren’t.  Where there’s smoke, there’s fire.

Well, except the smoke about Whitewater, because that seven year investigation found no evidence of wrongdoing by the Clintons.

And it turns out that six official investigations into Vince Foster’s suicide found nothing to suggest the Clintons had a hand in his death.  In fact, there’s no evidence pinning them to any of the dozens of deaths they’re said to have caused.

There’s always Benghazi, though.  Sure, the eighth investigation ended the way the first seven did, with no evidence of wrongdoing, but maybe another investigation will find the truth!

Okay, but what about her email server and the way she compromised national security and tried to cover it up?  FBI director James Comey even overstepped his authority when speaking about the investigation’s findings in order to publicly condemn her!  Except he also said that “no reasonable prosecutor would bring such a case”, and later clarified before a House Oversight and Government Reform Committee hearing that there was no evidence Clinton’s server had been hacked, that Clinton did not lie, and that she did not break the law.

Well, she still voted for the Iraq War when she was senator!  Which she freely admits was a mistake.  She and other senators believed that the Congressional Resolution they were voting for would authorize the president to use force only after “diplomatic or other peaceful means” had been exhausted.  She even said during the Senate debate on the resolution that attacking then and there could “set a precedent that could come back to haunt us.” 

Still, she won’t release the transcripts of those speeches she was paid for!  How dare she not give up her intellectual property created while she was a private citizen, never mind that one of the speeches is already freely available for viewing online.  Why can’t she be like Trump and Sanders and just refuse to release her tax returns instead?

But she’s a liar!  There’s a video of her lying for thirteen straight minutes!  True, it’s manipulatively edited and mostly just showing how her views, like anyone else’s, have evolved over time, and Politifact ranks her as the most honest candidate, and the former executive editor of The New York Times called her “fundamentally honest and trustworthy,” but well, everybody knows she’s a liar!

All right, so she’s never been convicted of any crime, and all the investigations into her alleged scandals keep coming up with nothing, and she won the Democratic primaries after consistently polling ahead of Sanders, but that’s only proof of her corruption.  She’s rigged the system so that she can get away with anything!  She just somehow hasn’t rigged it well enough to keep all this stuff out of the press.

Because that’s definitely more rational than concluding that, just maybe, she’s an imperfect but well-qualified candidate with a bad reputation formed by decades of smears and conspiracy theories.

It’s important to look past the Republican propaganda on her.
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I can’t find anything about that legend, sorry! I found one reference which said it was from the Philippines, but it wasn’t a verifiable source. Unless AO3 is peer reviewed now, that is. 

Can anyone shed some light on this frankly adorable tale of tails? Ha ha ha what a pun.
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no:

beyhive4ever:

“what are we doing?”

They both know they got too much money to be blowing bubbles
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mossofthewoodsjewelry:

Moss of the Woods Herbal Pendant Giveaway!

July 24-July 31

In lieu of a proper shop update today, I’ve decided to do a small giveaway to mark the introduction of my new Herbal Pendants! Featuring small sprigs of real, locally harvested herbs and plants preserved in crystal clear resin, these pendants are intended not only as a statement piece for my fellow plant obsessives, but also as wearable charms and botanical allies for those so inclined.

Rules:

One winner will be chosen and given their choice of an herbal pendant (or something else if they prefer)

Enter by reblogging. One reblog=one entry.

Likes are appreciated, but do not count towards an entry

Please do not spam your followers; be considerate. If I see too many reblogs from you in a row I will only count them as one or two.

Must be 18 years or older to enter (US law, I’m sorry)

Winner will be chosen on the evening of Sunday, July 31 via a random number generator

Please do not enter via a giveaway blog; please be considerate of my time, I only ask for a little publicity from you as a small business.
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ever read something that makes you so angry you can’t even react?
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via http://ift.tt/2afbbxV:Kristen Stewart speaks out about girlfriend for first time:
dealanexmachina:

princessamericachavez:

closetalkers:

“I think … right now I’m just really in love with my girlfriend,”

Okay but the most amazing thing here is how she captures the bisexual struggle too. Like, she talks about hiding her relationships with guys from the public eye for the sake of her privacy, but that she didn’t want to do the same now that she’s with a girl, because it would feel like she’s ashamed of it. Like, honestly Kirsten Stewart is amazing and so brave for coming forward with all this issues she faces and I really hope she is happy and fulfilled and in love with her girl.

“When I was dating a guy I was hiding everything that I did because everything personal felt like it was immediately trivialised, so I didn’t like it,” she said.

“We were turned into these characters and placed into this ridiculous comic book, and I was like, ‘That’s mine. You’re making my relationship something that it’s not.’

“I didn’t like that. But then it changed when I started dating a girl. I was like, ‘Actually, to hide this provides the implication that I’m not down with it or I’m ashamed of it’, so I had to alter how I approached being in public.

“It opened my life up and I’m so much happier.”
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boredpanda:

Hairstylist Turns Hair Into Classic Art
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pizzaight:

turcl:

Estoy en el coche de mi mamá,

escoba escoba,

conseguir fuera me coche

♡ ♡ ♡

“You are the love of my life,

without you,

I am incomplete” 
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tastefullyoffensive:

(via irishnexus)
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ayrabmoozlum:

aedictive:

sparklyandeuniqueunicornfarts:

this-is-tall-privilege:

missbassweight:

patternicity:

This is one of the saddest things I have ever seen.

Forever reblog. hate is taught, always.

This is why i’m against using your own children to further your political cause. Someone want to tell me what the difference is between the two? Cause at the end of the day its telling your kids what to believe and what to say without letting them learn, discover, or figure things out on their own. 

(Both are bad)

👆👆👆

PREACH. I flinched at that vid so much.
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classy-sassy-ruki:

@diegusta he is Hiro Nokubura vocalist of nocturnal bloodlust 
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once-delight:

xavantina:

drsofialamb:

the sudden decrease in animation quality between the first hunchback and the sequel is both hilarious and sad 

The Return of Jafar

charliekelly69:

i had to reblog this because im actually pissig mysefl

Let’s take a second to compare Aladdin to The Return of Jafar:

Ouch

Esmorolda and Corpet

kelverse

I’ve been hysterically wheezy laughing at the last gif for about two minutes solid

I get so angry, then u get to the last gif and I’m crying of laughter
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thepioden:

autisticshepard:

thepioden:

bagera69:

acaranalogy:

thepioden:

Ravenclaws probably have, overall as a house, the worst grades in the school tbh. 

i feel as though ravenclaws would have driven Hermione Granger up a wall they neVER DO THEIR HOMEWORK??? I though this was the smart house???? and Ravenclaws are like yeah kay but GET THIS DID YOU KNOW AN ANIMAGUS - but potions homework - who even CARES about potions right now I’m researching this COOLER THING uncouple the idea of ‘smart’ with the idea of ‘good at school’

I bet for the professors teaching Ravenclaws is like herding cats away from empty boxes.

Older Ravenclaws have finely honed the art of asking just the right argumentative questions to direct their teacher onto an entire-class-session-long tangent about something entirely irrelevant to the course material. 

Can you imagine Ravenclaws trying to overhaul the entire school system with Muggle ideas. Trying to figure out how to best teach people, more concerned with how people learn than what they’re learning.

“Why do we force people to learn things they aren’t interested in, we should create our own curriculum.”

“We should figure out everyone’s learning styles.”

“We need smaller class sizes.”

“No, no, wait, guys, what if we eliminated grades entirely.”

Yeah, Ravenclaws would drive Hermione up the wall.

“Fire the whole staff and start over.”

“Present more opportunities for seventh-year independent research!”

“Why hasn’t anyone made magically modified calculators yet?”

“Why are we still using quills and parchment when pencils exist? Please explain.”
“I don’t want to enter the work force directly after school, what are my options for higher education? Is there magical university?”
“I don’t feel confident in my professor’s qualifications because she’s teaching me astrology but doesn’t know any facts about space beyond about the year 1764.”

Muggleborn Ravenclaws forming rogue study groups to teach other students chemistry and algebra and English literature, just imagine. 

“They call this the astronomy tower but we’re learning about the effects of Venus when it’s in the fourth house and the professor doesn’t believe Neptune is a planet I am really concerned.”

“Okay but what’s the oxidation state of Mandrake root in pepperup potion?”

“But can you apply differential calculus to arithmancy or not?“ 

“The portrayal of the witches in Macbeth has some pretty troubling implications, also, I don’t think their potion would have actually done anything.”

I can’t not reblog this holy frick
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couriersicks:

new tag meme: type “im the” and tag this with the first thing that comes up
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insanelygaming:

You chose us. Now we get to choose you. 

Created by Modantoire
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emaleigh42:

skidar:

hntrgurl13:

skidar:

rashkah:

zooophagous:

hashtagdion:

All animals go to heaven is just illogical planning. You’re telling me every crocodile that ever lived is in heaven? Heaven must be swarming crocodiles. Does that sound like heaven to you? Thousands of millions of crocodiles?

*SLAMS FIST ON TABLE*

YES, DAMMIT

And Steve Irwin is showering them all with affection

But does every Stingray go to heaven? I mean, what if Steve Irwin just randomly came across the Stingray that killed him?

Steve would probably pat it and say ‘Sorry I spooked you mate, gosh your a beauty! You must have grown three times since I last saw you!’ 

this is a pure post
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robotsandfrippary:

thepigeongazette:

don’t forget 2 years of highschool spanish

OKAY OKAY BUT WAIT.

My mother is half korean, was adopted at nine by my grandparents who are white and grew up in the states.  She doesn’t know much korean at all.  She has a spanish first name(because grandma LOVED this spanish actress) and took years of spanish in high school.  She’s fluent in spanish.

MEANWHILE IN LA… Her bio- aunt immigrated to the US from korea back in the very early 80′s.  Living in Ktown she became a seamstress and tailor for a laundromat.  She never learns english.

When mom and her aunt found each other, mom spoke no korean and her aunt spoke no english.  BUT THEY BOTH SPOKE FLUENT SPANISH AND CONVERSED THAT WAY. 
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aninounettear:

“Bleuet Fraise” animated short film by @l-a-l-o-u​.
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A video posted by LOCATION🌎WHREVR U NEED ME 2 BE (@anthonycuts) on Jul 25, 2016 at 5:46pm PDT

truuqueen:

@anthonycuts
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grapejellyking:

why do parents bust in your room like they trynna catch you cheatin on them with another pair of parents
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via http://ift.tt/2ayGpFC:Another Big Win: SCOTUS Just Banned Domestic Abusers From Owning Firearms:

xtine-alicia:

thekiltedginger:

hthrloo:

FUCK YES

Yes!!!!

This is great.
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yeoldesouthpole:

rvengefulobster:

thezohar:

spontaneousmusicalnumber:

That Midwest feel: When the tornado sirens go off and you panic for a second before remembering “Oh, it’s Wednesday”

what does this mean

It means it’s Wednesday, bro. If a tornado hits on a Wednesday it can’t hurt you. Those are the rules.

@barrayars
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crazydiamonds:

shrineart:

clairenovac:

cashiering is the most thankless job i s2g you have no control over anything and customers seem to expect you to leave your station and personally attend to their needs

I feel so bad every time like, something is wrong and a cashier has to tell us. The other day at a Five Guys I ordered a coffee milkshake and a few minutes later the dude had to tell me they didn’t have any coffee left and he looked like he was bracing for impact. And I was just like “Dude it’s fine, let’s do this flavor instead” and he looked relieved.
And honestly, that breaks my heart.
Be nice to people that work in these positions man. It’s a thankless job and they could use the niceness.

i used to work a cashier job and the worst is when they complain about how expensive shit is??? like what do you want me to say? what do you want me to do about it??? theres nothing i can do. why you tellin me. i know.
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bechdels:

a pleasant thought: gay grandparents will soon be commonplace
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vintagefashionandbeauty:

Life magazine, 1949. Photographed by Nina Leen. (x)
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patrickandmarcus:

this is riddle wrapped in a mystery wrapped in an enigma
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Me: oh thats cute
*checks price tag*
Me: no its not
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nopos-tacabron:

If I’m telling you how I feel and you make it seem like we arguing, I ain’t telling you how I feel no mo
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fed-ex-official:

huntingfishinglovingeveryday:

I have questions

To get to the other side
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crossbowsandwalkers:

bonapartist:

so i was looking up stuff about birth control throughout history and

The fucking caption on the picture is the funniest part though

The villain still pursues her
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gingerthon:

catsidae:

I DONT EVEN FUCKING KNOW WHERE THIS CAME FROM BUT IT SHOWED UP IN ONE OF MY GOOGLE IMAGE SEARCHES AND I SWEAR TO GOD ANY SINGLE ONE OF THESE PEOPLES FACES CAN BE A REACTION IMAGE FOR ANY OCCASION

Alternate title: Talking about dick
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“You don’t measure love in time. You measure love in transformation. Sometimes the longest connections yield very little growth, while the briefest of encounters change everything. The heart doesn’t wear a watch - it’s timeless. It doesn’t care how long you know someone. It doesn’t care if you had a 40 year anniversary if there is no juice in the connection. What the heart cares about is resonance. Resonance that opens it, resonance that enlivens it, resonance that calls it home. And when it finds it, the transformation begins”
- Jeff Brown (via prelovers)
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lampsarepeopletoo:

howl the drama queen
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this-is-life-actually:

Erik Cavanaugh’s body does not adhere to the typical dancer image. But that has never stopped him, When he began applying to college for dance, his tenacity was put to the test after he not being accepted into any schools. Discouraged, but not entirely unfazed, he did not give up.

Follow @this-is-life-actually
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plaidadder:

It doesn’t feel all that good even while you’re doing it. Then, after the Republican’s idiot child king gets into office, it feels even worse.

I voted Green in the 2000 presidential election, for many of the same reasons that I see a lot of Bernie supporters talking about now. And for my sins, I actually have a record of my thinking at  the time, because I have been old on the internet for a long time now. Here is a chunk of something I wrote explaining my decision to vote for Ralph Nader in 2000:

“Especially now that almost nobody is voting these days, the defection of a particular block of voters, even if it’s small, is of serious concern to either party. That’s why you see George jr. out there whoring himself for the Christian right, just like his father before him. But Gore doesn’t whore for the liberal left, because he doesn’t have to. He knows that as long as he doesn’t actually start talking about criminalizing abortion and rounding gay people up in cattle cars, we’ll stick with him just out of fear. Which means we’ve already lost any power we had. We can’t influence the Democratic party’s agenda; we can’t impact Gore’s platform; we can’t put any kind of pressure on him. All we can do is concede, concede, concede. Telling ourselves while we do it that it’s all right, it could be worse.“

Ah, the pugnacious pungency of my younger days, how I miss it. Anyway, rereading that has reminded me of how BAD it feels to be in the position of having to choose between two candidates who don’t seem willing to fight for anything you believe in. And I actually do not disagree, generally speaking, with Young Plaidder’s assessment of the evils of the two-party system. So, you know, it curbs my desire to yell at the Bernie Sanders supporters who are still not willing to vote for Clinton. They’re already in pain, it’s neither helpful nor strategic to make them feel worse.

Here are some things I know now that I was wrong about then:

1) I SEVERELY underestimated the amount of damage that an unqualified and incompetent President of the United States can cause. SEVERELY.

I have seen a number of comments from the Bernie or Bust perspective suggesting that if Trump got elected, he’s so uninterested in the whole business of government that he might not actually bother implementing what passes for his platform. Friends, you may be right or you may be wrong. But I’ll tell you what: the eight disastrous years of George W. Bush’s presidency, during which I am 100% convinced Dick Cheney made most of the major decisions, are all you need to teach you that incompetence at the top can be just as destructive and dangerous as malice. It’s very, very unhealthy for any organization when the person who has all the executive power is someone who either can’t or won’t use it effectively. It leads to factionalism, infighting, and corruption, because his subordinates know they can get up to whatever shit they want and nobody will bother stopping them. If you want to imagine a Trump presidency, try imagining a Trump cabinet. He doesn’t even know enough Republican politicians to fill it with. It’ll either be cronies from his ‘business’ dealings or names that Mike Pence fed to him figuring he won’t know any better. Who wants to see what a gang of evangelicals and profiteers get to do to this country while the boss is out golfing? I don’t need to. I’ve seen it already. It’s hideous. We’re still trying to recover from it. I mean this is the reason that New Orleans was essentially destroyed by Hurricane Katrina…and nothing was done about it. Because Bush put in some chum of his as the head of the EPA who could not have found his ass with both hands and a flashlight if you gave him a week to do it. And that is why there were corpses floating in the streets of New Orleans days after the hurricane was over. Incompetence kills. It doesn’t have to be evil. You’d be amazed how much damage stupid and untrained can do.

2) I didn’t expect that we would experience a massive terrorist attack on US soil during the next 4 years.

That was not an unreasonable assumption to make in 2000. It’s a completely unreasonable assumption to make in 2016. I think it’s also pretty clear which candidate would, given the opportunity to wreak VENGEANCE! that such attacks always provide, do the most damage with it. The entire twenty-first century, nearly, testifies to how catastrophic it is when the person in charge of responding to a terrorist attack on American soil is an idiot who has no understanding of dipolmacy or foreign policy and no way of making decisions apart from listening to his own ID.

3) I didn’t appreciate the importance of the one issue Gore would actually have made some significant movement on: climate change.

I honestly still think Gore only did all the other crap he did–like, say, choosing Lieberman as VP–because he wanted to have a chance to GET to the Oval Office and do something about climate change. He grasped the importance of it long before most other American politicians wanted to talk about it. I really wish he’d been in the Oval Office in 2000 to get the ball rolling. I really, really, really wish that.

Here’s the good news from that paragraph: the Bernie Sanders campaign has already changed some of the things I was complaining about in 2000. The platform has moved left. The agenda has changed. There is pressure on the Clinton campaign, to which they have responded. In other words, just by running the primary campaign, Sanders has already achieved a lot of what I was mistakenly hoping my protest vote in 2000 was going to achieve.

Bernie Sanders’s speech last night was basically a bunch of variations on that theme: that the Sanders campaign itself has already had a greater impact than a protest vote (or protest abstention) would have, because it has changed the party. Has it changed Hillary Clinton? Who knows. But if the past 8 years have taught us much, it’s that in terms of shit you can get done, Congress matters just as much as the presidency if not more. Get enough left-thinking Democrats into Congress, and they can lead even if Hillary Clinton won’t.

So anyway. I’m voting for Hillary Clinton. Because I don’t want to have to say that I did not do everything I could to prevent George W. Bush from becoming the SECOND WORST ever President of the United States.
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kmagazinelovers:

Park Bo Young - Nylon Magazine December Issue ‘15
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chers-weave:

love-is-notachoice:

Looks like I gotta get a gf before August 1st so I can worship her on that day….

great now im under time constraint
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sparksaremadehere:

Follow me for more quality content like this
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buzzfeed:

Thank you, history side.
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sataninblacklace:

WHEN ITS THE 14TH CENTURY BUT U TURNT AF
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invite-me-to-your-memories:

i understand the historical reasons why English is the most common language

but if I was writing a speculative fiction novel

and I said “the language that most people learn as a second language, usually for professional reasons, is also the only one with a spelling system so terrible that spelling words correctly is a broadcasted competition”

you’d be like “extremely unrealistic 0/10”
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the-right-writing:

-Being intentionally mislead

-Naively thinking something won’t be that bad

-Ignoring facts so they don’t have to change their opinions

-Assuming something will always be the same

-Putting too much trust in something or someone

-Assuming everybody else holds a certain belief

-Assuming everybody else acts a certain way

-Not knowing all the facts and extrapolating
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internalscreeching:

Tumblr is a lot like Rapture in a way. You come here for art, like-minded people and escape from outside world, but end up hopelessly addicted and knee-deep in political/moral Discourse turned violent. The locals are disturbingly aggressive. Every place is a very aesthetically appealing burning wreck. Escape is impossible. Creepy plaster statues are here
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Boyfriend: I... I don't even know the story that well babe, I can't even say xD
Me:Okay so
Me:Poseidon gives a bull to King Minos, the best and shiniest bull you ever saw, and he's like "You can have this, but only if you promise to sacrifice it to me later" and Minos is like "Sure yeah okay man whatever" so Poseidon sends this bestest bull ever galloping up out of the salty sea spray, and everyone standing around is like "Hot fuck look at that bull" And Minos agrees, and he likes the bull SO much he decides to just quietly sort of...keep it. And he does kill a bull for Poseidon but it's one of his own, lame normal bulls, and Poseidon's no pushover so of course he notices.
Me:Poseidon is also notoriously easily angered, and he's royal pissed about this, so he comes up with one of the most devious punishments ever, and he infects Minos' wife Pasiphae with a desperate, DESPERATE thirst for the bull. Like she can think of nothing but getting some of that hot Bull D.
Boyfriend:..........Thefuck.
Me: But it's hard to convince a bull, especially a divinely spawned bull, to fuck you if you are in fact not a cow but a human queen, so she comes up with a plan
Boyfriend:I thought some god comes down in bull form and fucks her??
Me: Ohh, no no no, that's the much much more tame story of Europa, who has sex with Zeus in bull form. This is different
Me:She goes to the best inventor she knows, Daedalus, and she's like "I need this bull to fuck me I NEED IT" and Daedalus is like "That's really weird maybe you should talk to someone" and she's like "I am talking to you and I am your queen so you better fucking make this happen for me I am going to peel my own skin off if I don't get some bull dick ASAP. But he doesn't want me because I am not fat, four-legged, and mooing."
Boyfriend: Oh..... oh no.
Me: So Daedalus shrugs, probably shudders a little, and builds the prettiest, most fuckable wooden cow a bull ever saw, but he makes it hollow, presumably with some openings in some awkward places.
Boyfriend: OH GOD. NO.
Me:So Pasiphae puts this monstrosity in the field with the bull, climbs in it, and waits. And Daedalus really is a skilled inventor, and he apparently knows what a bull likes, because Pasiphae finally gets the hot bull loving she's been dreaming of
Boyfriend: I........ I need an aspirin. That is disgusting.
Me: Only she apparently hasn't been tracking her cycles, because she gets pregnant, and births the minotaur and King Minos is like "What the fuck?" and Pasiphae is like "Honey I need to tell you something"
Me:And that is how it happened
Boyfriend: That is NOT HOW THAT WORKS
Me: Welcome to Mythology.
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me during class: If I organize my time I can get those two assignments done and have laundry going while studying and get done in time to make a great dinner from scratch.
me when I get home: lol fuck that *dicks around on the internet for 5 hours*
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transmangle:

*scrolls through marina Joyce tag*
Oh Shes totally in trouble she’s been abused too
*scrolls farther*
Wait she’s okay the police talked to her
*scrolls even more*
THE SIGN LANGUAGE DONT GO MATCHES HER WHILE SHE TALKED ABOUT THE MEETUP
*SCROLLS MORE*
Oh okay she’s fine
*scrolls again*
WAIT-
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MONEY. WE WANT MONEY. MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY. WE CAN DO SO MUCH WITH IT. WE HAVE ACCESS TO DEALS YOU COULD NEVER. MONEY

That aside.

 I’m only going to talk about food items but if your food bank takes personal items, a lot of times diapers, feminine hygiene products, etc, are very very welcome. 

1) Canned chicken and beef 

looooooove this stuff. It’s expensive, it lasts forever, it tastes good and it can be used a variety of ways. This stuff is fucking catnip to food banks, it’s so hard for us to provide proteins. 

2) Fancy nut butters

Peanut butter is a standby for food banks as a shelf-stable inexpensive protein, but if we have a family with a kid with a peanut allergy that’s not going to work. Non-peanut butters are expensive and it’s something we hardly ever see donated. (we also like peanut butter, but that’s easier for us to buy ourselves than non-peanut butters)

3) Canned or packaged tuna

You may notice a trend here in shelf-stable proteins. And yeah. That’s basically it, so I’m not going to keep harping on it. But this stuff is a godsend. 

4) Easy breakfast things for kids (Granola bars, instant oatmeal, and the like) 

Whatever Donald Trump tells you, most people who get food from food banks are actually working their asses off and so they have to leave Obama to raise their baby or whatever, and they don’t have a lot of time in the morning. Things like this that kids can make for themselves are expensive. (Another trend you may be noticing–donate shit that costs a lot of money. That helps us more than all the shitty green bean cans in the world) But they are so helpful for busy working families where the parents may not have a set schedule and sometimes little Amanda is making her own breakfast before she runs off to school. Don’t let kids go to school hungry. 

5) Shelf-stable juice

This is one people never think of! But if you show up with a bunch of (preferably reduced sugar stuff) bottles of juice at my door, oh man, you are gonna get so many check mark and okay hand emoticons. This stuff is great for kids, and it doesn’t require refrigeration until it’s opened, so it works great for food drives. 
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m-ooonn:

she sat in the water for like an hour, just staring at the water peacefully

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Rachel

April 2019

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