Apr. 20th, 2017

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© Ian Fisher

I think it’s worth mentioning that these are oil paintings, not photoshopped pictures. This guy is amazing, check him out. 
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To all the relatives, “friends”, and random ass strangers who’ve been telling me since I was 16 that being 6′3″ made me too tall to wear dresses or find a guy willing to date a girl taller than him: My 5′2″ girlfriend loves when I wear dresses, thank you very much. 

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when he says he wants to do it bareback
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what’s with all these stories of hundred plus year old vampires falling in love with teenagers like yes they might LOOK your age but you’ve got a few centuries of maturity on them I want vampires falling in love with 40 year old suburban housewives and business executives and preschool teachers not high school students

vampires falling in love with spry 90-year-old great-grandmothers


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This was a request and at first I wasn’t sure if I had anything to provide with, but as it turn out it got a little longer than I expected because there were actually things I had to say!! Wow!! 

Anyway, this is some guidelines I follow when I try to make the face expressfull, more specifically the mouth! It is often neglected, since it’s actually pretty hard, I’ll admit. But I’m here to help (hopefully…)! A mouth expression tutorial as per request. Enjoy and hopefully it will help some a little. ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

Draw the teeth at the right angle. 

This is super important. The upper jaw follows the angle of the head, and the lower jaw will depend on how open it is. Make sure you have a rough estimate of where the teeth are, and how much of them you’re going to see!

The lips will VERY roughly follow the same angle as the teeth. It really depends on the character, but it gives you a sense at least. 

If you DON’T do this, you’re going to lose so much volume and the mouth is going to end up looking unrelatable. I showed this example in this tutorial:

It’s not just the lips! 

The cheeks, chin, and tongue play a role too! 

Try look at your own mouth or references! I have a very pliable and large mouth, so that’s one reason why my characters have it too lmao.

ASYMMETRYYYYY (ง ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°)ง

I cannot emphasize how important asymmetry is when drawing expressions. It applies not only to the eyebrows to achieve the Dreamwork Face™, but also the mouth. Seriously if you draw a symmetric mouth I will deliver myself to your mailbox and then shout at you until you fix it. 

Look at the difference between these two for example: which one has more “life”? 

I think you get the idea.

Push and squish - give it flow

Here’s an old drawing I have but it illustrates how I think when I squish the mouth, and use folding and wrinkles to my advantage.

Look at your own face and see where skin bundles up, where it creases the most and when bumps appear on your chin. Subtle details makes all the difference! 

One VERY effective detail is illustrated in the first sketch, where I pull upwards on one side, and downwards on the other. That’s a good detail to use when the character is making a skewed expression, or is extremely frustrated. I encourage you to play around with that concept bc it’s ~super effective~!


Happy: Your entire mouth is pushed upwards, not just the corners of your mouth!

I tend to draw a :3 mouth bc I’ve been drawing Lance too much….. You don’t have to but it’s basically imprinted in my motor memory by now. 

Pouting/frowning: corners are pushed down, middle pushed slightly up. Sometimes, there’s a slight dip in the middle too. It can give a sense that the character is biting their lips.

Showing frustration/intimidating/is intimidated: basically showing a lot of teeth. The corners are as open as possible and the middle sorta more squished. An extremely important detail here is showing some of the gums, and open space between the cheeks and teeth. That way it looks like the mouth it open to it’s full potential. Here is also where you basically MUST add folds and bumps, or else it’s not going to look relatable. 

(Here I am again with the pulling upwards on one side and downwards on the other, as illustrated on the last sketch)

And then again, here’s just another doodle showing how important it is to show the gums. It’s the same face twice, but the second one looks slightly more frustrated doesn’t it?

(from my other tutorial on how to draw facial expressions)

As you can see, this last one is very versatile and I draw it a lot. Play around with the basic shape and see how much subtle details makes a lot of difference! 

That’s it! 

I hope that cleared some things up and was somewhat helpful! Enjoy drawing ✨
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forgetting the word “shorthaired” and having to call them german wireless pointers
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Out of curiosity, an informal survey…

Fanfic authors, reblog this and say in the tags the latest you’ve stayed up writing a fanfic.

Fanfic readers, reblog this and say in the tags the latest you’ve stayed up reading a fanfic.

If you’re both, by all means, give your responses for both!
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mood: a wealthy 18th century woman who needs to lie down for hours after anything remotely distressing happens
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1. take ur pants off
2. get back into bed
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I like the idea that sorcerers think wizards are nerds

Magical jocks : sorcerers
Magical nerds : wizards
Magical theater kids : bards
Magical goths : warlocks
Magical hippies : druids
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me as a coffee : DEPRESSO
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ban all radio stations from using the following sound effects:

police siren

car horn

ringing phone

text alert

alarm clock

screeching tires

sudden scream
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internet friends are kinda like illegally downloaded friends. you don’t get the physical copy but you still get all the great content

#i’d illegally download you all

reblog if you’d illegally download your followers
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Why are characters like Lestat de Lioncourt and Dorian Gray held up as cautionary tales about the personal cost of immortality, anyway? In both stories, it’s an explicit plot point that they were already insufferable wankers before they became immortal.

The cautionary tale is if your dick friend somehow becomes immortal don’t stick around waiting for it to enlighten them bc they’re just gonna get way more into murder than they were before and not much else
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[aziz ansari voice] nooooooooooooooo
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just had a dream where there was a baby evolution of koffing called puffle and it looked like this and also it was a nightmare and im pretty sure i died at the end of it
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Amazing Photography by Juuso Hämäläinen
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The bolded sections represent quotes from the criticism he received. All the z-snaps are in order.

Your characters are unrealistic stereotpyes of political correctness. Is it really necessary for the sake of popular sensibilities to have in a fantasy what we have in the real world? I read fantasy to get away from politically correct cliches. 

God, yes! If there’s one thing fantasy is just crawling with these days it’s widowed black middle-aged pirate moms. Real sea pirates could not be controlled by women, they were vicous rapits and murderers and I am sorry to say it was a man’s world. It is unrealistic wish fulfilment for you and your readers to have so many female pirates, especially if you want to be politically correct about it!First, I will pretend that your last sentence makes sense because it will save us all time. Second, now you’re pissing me off. You know what? Yeah, Zamira Drakasha, middle-aged pirate mother of two, is a wish-fulfillment fantasy. I realized this as she was evolving on the page, and you know what? I fucking embrace it. Why shouldn’t middle-aged mothers get a wish-fulfillment character, you sad little bigot? Everyone else does. H.L. Mencken once wrote that “Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.” I can’t think of anyone to whom that applies more than my own mom, and the mothers on my friends list, with the incredible demands on time and spirit they face in their efforts to raise their kids, preserve their families, and save their own identity/sanity into the bargain. Shit yes, Zamira Drakasha, leaping across the gap between burning ships with twin sabers in hand to kick in some fucking heads and sail off into the sunset with her toddlers in her arms and a hold full of plundered goods, is a wish-fulfillment fantasy from hell. I offer her up on a silver platter with a fucking bow on top; I hope she amuses and delights. In my fictional world, opportunities for butt-kicking do not cease merely because one isn’t a beautiful teenager or a muscle-wrapped font of testosterone. In my fictional universe, the main characters are a fat ugly guy and a skinny forgettable guy, with a supporting cast that includes “SBF, 41, nonsmoker, 2 children, buccaneer of no fixed abode, seeks unescorted merchant for light boarding, heavy plunder.”You don’t like it? Don’t buy my books. Get your own fictional universe. Your cabbage-water vision of worldbuilding bores me to tears. As for the “man’s world” thing, religious sentiments and gender prejudices flow differently in this fictional world. Women are regarded as luckier, better sailors than men. It’s regarded as folly for a ship to put to sea without at least one female officer; there are several all-female naval military traditions dating back centuries, and Drakasha comes from one of them. As for claims to “realism,” your complaint is of a kind with those from bigoted hand-wringers who whine that women can’t possibly fly combat aircraft, command naval vessels, serve in infantry actions, work as firefighters, police officers, etc. despite the fact that they do all of those things– and are, for a certainty, doing them all somewhere at this very minute. Tell me that a fit fortyish woman with 25+ years of experience at sea and several decades of live bladefighting practice under her belt isn’t a threat when she runs across the deck toward you, and I’ll tell you something in return– you’re gonna die of stab wounds.What you’re really complaining about isn’t the fact that my fiction violates some objective “reality,” but rather that it impinges upon your sad, dull little conception of how the world works. I’m not beholden to the confirmation of your prejudices; to be perfectly frank, the prospect of confining the female characters in my story to placid, helpless secondary places in the narrative is so goddamn boring that I would rather not write at all. I’m not writing history, I’m writing speculative fiction. Nobody’s going to force you to buy it. Conversely, you’re cracked if you think you can persuade me not to write about what amuses and excites me in deference to your vision, because your vision fucking sucks.I do not expect to change your mind but i hope that you will at least consider that I and others will not be buying your work because of these issues. I have been reading science fiction and fantasy for years and i know that I speak for a great many people. I hope you might stop to think about the sales you will lose because you want to bring your political corectness and foul language into fantasy. if we wanted those things we could go to the movies. Think about this! Thank you for your sentiments. I offer you in exchange this engraved invitation to go piss up a hill, suitable for framing.

Here follows is a non-comprehensive list of historical female pirates and sailors, women of color first:

Ching Shih (1775-1844): controlled south China seas, had 80,000-man fleet at her disposal, outlawed rape, extorted retirement package from the Chinese government.

Sayyida al-Hurra (1482-1562): Pirate queen of Morocco who bedeviled Portuguese and Spanish fleets after being kicked out of Spain by Ferdinand and Isabella in her youth.

William Brown (1800s, birth name unknown): married Grenadan woman who disguised self as man after fight with her husband and became a sailor.

Jacquotte Delahaye (1600s): half-Haitian woman who, according to some sources, took over an island and led a force of hundreds of pirates.

Hingyuon (1800s): Filipina warrior/probable pirate who led armies in Cebu; relative of Humabon, “first truly wealthy person in Cebu”

Lai Choi San (1900s): Chinese pirate who commanded 12 ships and was a model for the Dragon Lady archetype; thinly-sourced

Mary Lacy (1740-1801): willful bisexual runaway who became first female shipwright; disguised self as man but claimed pension under own name

Alfhild (400s): Viking princess who decided to become a pirate instead of getting married.

Anne Dieu-le-Veut (1661-1710): French pirate who fought along Laurens de Graaf for many years.

Anne Bonny and Mary Read (1700-1782, c.1690-1721): probably the two most famous female pirates of all time

Granuaile aka Grace O’Malley (1530-1603): Irish pirate queen who led rebellions against England, personally negotiated with Elizabeth I, gave birth on a ship.

Cecilia Vasa (1540-1627): Swedish princess who got into endless scandals, became a pirate briefly, was utter black sheep, hated the English.

Mary Patten (1800s): Took control of ship when her husband suffered mutiny, learned medicine, navigated to port, all while pregnant

Christina Anna Skytte (1643-1677): Swedish baroness and pirate, very ruthless 

Jeanne de Clisson (c.1300-1359): burnt down much of the Normandy coast and sank a ton of ships after her husband was killed. 

Charlotte Badger (1778-?): Australian convict/single mom who took over ship, sailed to New Zealand, settled with Maori tribe.  

In conclusion: read a goddamn book, critic person.
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My ireland native father once told me that the first time he ever saw people use water for hot chocolate was when he came to america, and said that it was then that he “knew this country was doomed”

ive made a lot of posts that i honestly hate once they started making notes but this one has absolutely taken the cake of “man i really wish i didn’t make this post” because you dont realize how dumb people get when you start food discourse.

however it was definitely a learning experience. for example here’s some things I learned:

-many people who make hot chocolate with water saw this post and somehow thought that my dad literally thinks they’re the doom of modern america and that this out of text quote from a man they never met was personally directed at them.

-Some people literally had never even had the thought of using milk for hot chocolate. literally flabbergasted. ive had people reply, send asks and even DM in multiple variations of “if it not water than what the else?”. Had one dude actually thank me for introducing the concept of milk for hot chocolate. wild.

-There are just some fucking geniuses on this site. So many inanely smart people hitting me up with things like “ummm OP have you ever heard of… lactose intolerance????” and “maybe some people… can’t afford milk?” I never possibly thought of any of that. man i hope yall felt super smart after that. shame yall couldn’t spend some of that riveting world knowledge on googling “lactose intolerant milk alternatives.” the world will never discover what almond milk is.

-some shit about the difference between hot chocolate and hot cocoa holy god i cannot care

-fungi fucker is something you can call people.

-apparently i should just do whatever the fuck the aztecs/mayans did. obviously the optimal thing to do in the year 2017 is to emulate empires that fell in the 16-17th century. as you can guess the aztecs/mayans used water for their chocolate beverages. some people also liked to remind me cows and therefore milk were basically unavailable in their part of the world during these time peroids, thus forcing them to use water for their chocolate beverages and despite them knowing this they still use water for their hot chocolate. These people are very smart.

-it is acceptable human behavior to send anonymous messages to people telling their dad to “simmer down” over chocolate based beverages.

OMG this is the best summary of the Tumblr Discourse I’ve ever seen.
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