gravityeyelids: (Default)
[personal profile] gravityeyelids
via http://bit.ly/2GfHb8E

prokopetz:

prokopetz:

You’ve heard of Fantasy Costco, now get ready for:

Fantasy Ikea - A vast and echoing hall presided over by a fairy lord turned legitimate merchant (or so they claim!), this oddly sedate bazaar’s household goods – carefully labelled in Old High Elvish – are apparently wholly mundane, though their purchasers often discover unexpected features later on. While it’s relatively safe as fairy markets go, mortal customers are advised against eating the complimentary meatballs.

Fantasy Lowe’s - Originally the headquarters of a dwarven crafting guild set apart from their fellows by their affinity for working in wood rather than stone, this establishment has since grown into a sprawling combination lumberyard and trading post whose workers spend as much time advising on outside projects as attending to their own. Oddly, the guild’s membership is nearly exclusively female, a fact that non-dwarf customers often miss on account of the beards.

Fantasy Starbucks - A tavern bearing the sign of a leaping stag surmounting a pentagram, this establishment will, upon request, add shots of various magic potions to its customers’ drinks. These potions – brewed in bulk by apprentice hedge-mages from locally sourced reagents – are typically quite weak, rarely rising to a level that would warrant any mechanical bonus, though many patrons swear by specific combinations which are claimed to be greater than the sum of their parts.

Fantasy PetSmart - A loosely affiliated network of rogue exotic animal dealers, outlawed in many kingdoms less for the quality of their wares – which are typically genuine, unlike those of most of their peers – and more for their indiscriminate sales policies: to wit, they’ll sell anything to anyone, and if this results in, say, a whole village being turned to stone by a local marchant’s new guard basilisk, well, that’s not their problem. They should have read the care pamphlet!

Fantasy Walmart - In its larval stage, this transdimensional monstrosity generates a feeding orifice commonly known as the bag of devouring, which it uses to trick adventurers into handing over their ill-gotten gains. The creature’s adult form has grown beyond material sustenance, and subsists on the abstract concept of prosperity; its feeding orifice can take many forms, but one of the most common is a wondrous store that quickly drives local farmers and craftspeople out of business with low, low prices, then just as abruptly vanishes, leaving economic ruin in its wake.
(Your picture was not posted)

Profile

gravityeyelids: (Default)
Rachel

April 2019

S M T W T F S
  1 2 3 4 5 6
7 8 910111213
14151617181920
21222324252627
282930    

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Mar. 29th, 2026 08:50 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios