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I feel ya. What I do is acknowledge and accept that negative voice that my father planted in me, when I hear it him) speaking to (yelling at) me. Then – and this is the important part – I tell that voice to shut the fuck up forever (really, I say exactly those words) and I tell myself, with the most loving and compassionate voice I can muster (the one I use when I talk with my wife and kids, who I love more than anything in this universe), to remember the good things I have done, even if they are things that I know aren’t going to convince my father to love me, because they are objectively good things that I’ve put into the world.
I think we have to speak to ourselves with a loving and compassionate voice from our hearts, even when our heads don’t want to let us, and when we remind ourselves to do that, we can take the step forward, even if we know we’re going to take two steps back again. Eventually, with practice and commitment and therapy and the support of whoever your Anne Wheaton is, we can start taking more steps forward than backward. But it isn’t easy and it hurts and it’s totally normal to spend days or weeks feeling like you’re doing it all wrong.
I don’t know if your negative voice has its origins in a similar place as mine, but identifying where my negative inner voice comes from was the key to opening a door that had kept me locked in a room for my whole life.
I realize I’ve made your question all about me and my pain, and that’s built on a presumption that our inner voices come from similar places (psychology says they usually do). If this wasn’t helpful to you, I apologize, and I hope it was helpful to someone.
EDIT TO ADD: another thing I do whenever I can, is praise and compliment myself, out loud, when I catch myself doing something good or kind or challenging. I will say some version of, “Nice job, Wheaton!” because we all deserve positive reinforcement.
(Your picture was not posted)
I feel ya. What I do is acknowledge and accept that negative voice that my father planted in me, when I hear it him) speaking to (yelling at) me. Then – and this is the important part – I tell that voice to shut the fuck up forever (really, I say exactly those words) and I tell myself, with the most loving and compassionate voice I can muster (the one I use when I talk with my wife and kids, who I love more than anything in this universe), to remember the good things I have done, even if they are things that I know aren’t going to convince my father to love me, because they are objectively good things that I’ve put into the world.
I think we have to speak to ourselves with a loving and compassionate voice from our hearts, even when our heads don’t want to let us, and when we remind ourselves to do that, we can take the step forward, even if we know we’re going to take two steps back again. Eventually, with practice and commitment and therapy and the support of whoever your Anne Wheaton is, we can start taking more steps forward than backward. But it isn’t easy and it hurts and it’s totally normal to spend days or weeks feeling like you’re doing it all wrong.
I don’t know if your negative voice has its origins in a similar place as mine, but identifying where my negative inner voice comes from was the key to opening a door that had kept me locked in a room for my whole life.
I realize I’ve made your question all about me and my pain, and that’s built on a presumption that our inner voices come from similar places (psychology says they usually do). If this wasn’t helpful to you, I apologize, and I hope it was helpful to someone.
EDIT TO ADD: another thing I do whenever I can, is praise and compliment myself, out loud, when I catch myself doing something good or kind or challenging. I will say some version of, “Nice job, Wheaton!” because we all deserve positive reinforcement.
(Your picture was not posted)
