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(Your picture was not posted)
(Your picture was not posted)
May. 3rd, 2018
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skwinky:
lntruding:
Have you ever been to earth?
On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:
You’re an idiot.
Let me further explain:
Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.
Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.
When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.
And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:
Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.
Nope.
My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.
You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.
And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.
What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.
I just want a burrito.
In conclusion:
You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.
UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:
A fucking fork?
I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.
If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.
That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.
Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.
A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.
People eat burritos with forks?
God is sorry he made us.
(Source)
I always need this on my blog.
(Your picture was not posted)
skwinky:
lntruding:
Have you ever been to earth?
On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:
You’re an idiot.
Let me further explain:
Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.
Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.
When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.
And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:
Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.
Nope.
My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.
You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.
And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.
What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.
I just want a burrito.
In conclusion:
You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.
UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:
A fucking fork?
I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.
If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.
That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.
Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.
A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.
People eat burritos with forks?
God is sorry he made us.
(Source)
I always need this on my blog.
(Your picture was not posted)
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animedads:
people in Mt. Pyre: *crying because they miss their beloved pokemon*
me: *trying to be respectful and walk through without making noise or anything*
fucking guy in half a charizard fursuit stomping around this fucking graveyard running up to me: “HEY HEY YOU LET’S FIGHT”
(Your picture was not posted)
animedads:
people in Mt. Pyre: *crying because they miss their beloved pokemon*
me: *trying to be respectful and walk through without making noise or anything*
fucking guy in half a charizard fursuit stomping around this fucking graveyard running up to me: “HEY HEY YOU LET’S FIGHT”
(Your picture was not posted)
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kalif0rhnia:
radiant-amethyst:
nxvarros:
nonbinarytrash:
spookipapi:
vulpx:
pupfruit:
ohdoe:
hell yeah
hell yeah
hell yeah
hell yeah
hell yeah
hell yeah
hell yeah
hell yeah
(Your picture was not posted)
kalif0rhnia:
radiant-amethyst:
nxvarros:
nonbinarytrash:
spookipapi:
vulpx:
pupfruit:
ohdoe:
hell yeah
hell yeah
hell yeah
hell yeah
hell yeah
hell yeah
hell yeah
hell yeah
(Your picture was not posted)
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giraffodil:
yesterdaysprint:
The Daily Times, New Philadelphia, Ohio, July 9, 1924
This is like the opposite of clickbait. The whole story is there. Behold it.
(Your picture was not posted)
giraffodil:
yesterdaysprint:
The Daily Times, New Philadelphia, Ohio, July 9, 1924
This is like the opposite of clickbait. The whole story is there. Behold it.
(Your picture was not posted)
via https://ift.tt/2FFxhJH
meolog:
meditations on
impermanence surprised by
a sudden rainfall
(Your picture was not posted)
meolog:
meditations on
impermanence surprised by
a sudden rainfall
(Your picture was not posted)
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yourshipsaregross:
mallowhoney:
jefflaclede:
reblogging because this will never stop being funny
“Go make your own” “STOP PANDERING TO THE GAYS” “But sir… I am a gays.”
So accurate
(Your picture was not posted)
yourshipsaregross:
mallowhoney:
jefflaclede:
reblogging because this will never stop being funny
“Go make your own” “STOP PANDERING TO THE GAYS” “But sir… I am a gays.”
So accurate
(Your picture was not posted)
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reel-lesbian:
ayyyoesha:
bob-belcher:
waverlyyearp:
can she get an oscar just because of this one scene please and thank you
and she wasn’t even nominated! 😤
seeing this really brings tears to my eyes
I will forever be furious that she wasn’t nominated. She deserved all the fucking awards
(Your picture was not posted)
reel-lesbian:
ayyyoesha:
bob-belcher:
waverlyyearp:
can she get an oscar just because of this one scene please and thank you
and she wasn’t even nominated! 😤
seeing this really brings tears to my eyes
I will forever be furious that she wasn’t nominated. She deserved all the fucking awards
(Your picture was not posted)
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antivancharmer:
socialistexan:
theboykingofhell:
lagonegirl:
I hope he wins the lawsuit, a police officer was finally doing the right thing and they penalize him for not being a racist monster!
his name is stephen mader and not only did he refuse to shoot, he actively wanted to help the man (ronald ‘rj’ williams) because he could tell that he was only acting out because of mental illness. rj williams was suicidal and holding an unloaded gun and, while mader didn’t shoot him, a fellow officer (ryan kuzma) did and murdered him on the spot. here is the source and here’s to hoping rj williams gets justice
“Saying the words ‘Just shoot me’ sent up the red flag that he was just trying to harm himself and no one else … That’s what made me make my decision. He needed help”
I hate this fucking world. The guy was actually trying to do his job by actually desculating the situation the right way (desculating these days apparently just means shoot them) and was fired for “failing to eliminate a threat.”
Lets also keep in consideration that the other officer is probably going to deny that RJ was mentally ill, because white people like to pretend POC can’t have mental illnesses, especially black men.
Let’s hope RJ gets justice and Mader wins his lawsuit.
(Your picture was not posted)
antivancharmer:
socialistexan:
theboykingofhell:
lagonegirl:
I hope he wins the lawsuit, a police officer was finally doing the right thing and they penalize him for not being a racist monster!
his name is stephen mader and not only did he refuse to shoot, he actively wanted to help the man (ronald ‘rj’ williams) because he could tell that he was only acting out because of mental illness. rj williams was suicidal and holding an unloaded gun and, while mader didn’t shoot him, a fellow officer (ryan kuzma) did and murdered him on the spot. here is the source and here’s to hoping rj williams gets justice
“Saying the words ‘Just shoot me’ sent up the red flag that he was just trying to harm himself and no one else … That’s what made me make my decision. He needed help”
I hate this fucking world. The guy was actually trying to do his job by actually desculating the situation the right way (desculating these days apparently just means shoot them) and was fired for “failing to eliminate a threat.”
Lets also keep in consideration that the other officer is probably going to deny that RJ was mentally ill, because white people like to pretend POC can’t have mental illnesses, especially black men.
Let’s hope RJ gets justice and Mader wins his lawsuit.
(Your picture was not posted)
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philsandifer:
whyy0umadth0ugh:
Hey, I actually think we were meant to live in groups. The idea of permanent independence is a sham.
I really identify with the guy whose adult skill is having a Netflix login.
(Your picture was not posted)
philsandifer:
whyy0umadth0ugh:
Hey, I actually think we were meant to live in groups. The idea of permanent independence is a sham.
I really identify with the guy whose adult skill is having a Netflix login.
(Your picture was not posted)
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hishap:
deservingporcupine:
seksilelulaatikko:
Olisiko teillä hetki aikaa puhua puurosta
Translation from Finnish: “Do you have a moment to talk about the porridge.”
I see your Russian cat memes and raise you Finnish bear memes
(Your picture was not posted)
hishap:
deservingporcupine:
seksilelulaatikko:
Olisiko teillä hetki aikaa puhua puurosta
Translation from Finnish: “Do you have a moment to talk about the porridge.”
I see your Russian cat memes and raise you Finnish bear memes
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viktor-ohra:
absurdchronographer:
absurdchronographer:
markv5:
Подстава
this is not a helpful translation, google.
oh
Now this is a Russian culture lesson
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viktor-ohra:
absurdchronographer:
absurdchronographer:
markv5:
Подстава
this is not a helpful translation, google.
oh
Now this is a Russian culture lesson
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My face keeps breaking out, but the rest of me is okay
(Your picture was not posted)
My face keeps breaking out, but the rest of me is okay
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Today I listened to The Adventure Zone, watched Jane the Virgin, and played Fallout New Vegas. It was a productive day at work.
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Today I listened to The Adventure Zone, watched Jane the Virgin, and played Fallout New Vegas. It was a productive day at work.
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col-brightside replied to your photoset “My face keeps breaking out, but the rest of me is okay”
ohMYGOD
YOU SHUSH YOUR MOUTH
(Your picture was not posted)
col-brightside replied to your photoset “My face keeps breaking out, but the rest of me is okay”
ohMYGOD
YOU SHUSH YOUR MOUTH
(Your picture was not posted)