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DISCLAIMER: My claims that the lemon shark is an unstoppable mafia lord are conscious exaggerations for the sake of comedy. These statements are jokes and should not be taken seriously. Do not seriously spread negative stereotypes about sharks, they already have a bad enough rep.
Yes, folks, today I leave prehistory behind for a while, and return to nowadays times. Because honestly, you don’t need to moonwalk five hundred squillion years backwards into the past to find stuff in the sea that is not only scary, but also downright surreal.
But what do you do when you want something so surreal that even the weirdest hydrothermal vents pale in comparison?
Enter the mangrove forests, which were probably created when God decided to do away with that whole silly “internal logic” thing, and really express himself for once. The end result was a biome that feels like it was assembled using a random generator.
Grab something because I’m about to talk about this place and some shit is about to go down.
The thing about mangrove forests is that they’re basically forests that stand right on ocean shores. This means that during high tide, the trees literally stand in extremely salty water that is in no way beneficial for your skin, for hours on end, every single day. Trees are in no fucking way intended to withstand, let alone thrive in salt water, that’s like throwing a land slug into the sea and watching it shrivel up and die, it’s sadistic. There is an ungodly amount of specialization needed to even survive in this hellish saline environment, why the fuck would anything willfully live here?!
Naturally, whatever lives in the environment created by the mangrove trees must employ some insane specializations just to live another day. To survive in here is a true sign of badassitude, which is exactly why it’s called the MANgrove forest. We have already done a previous endeavor into these saline woods when reviewing the banded archerfish, and we’re just getting started. Let’s start with the fact that the trees themselves pretty much give live birth, with the seeds sprouting while still hanging from the mother tree and growing into little saplings before falling onto the ground. And the animals that inhabit this surreal wonderland are even worse. Not only are these creatures badass, they are also incredibly weird, the strange environment resulting in such things as tree-dwelling oysters, proboscis monkeys sharing an environment with fucking crabs, and of course, the astoundingly creatively-named lemon shark.
Dear fucking god the lemon shark.
It’s a Shiny!
Negaprion brevirostris is a species of shark inhabiting coastal waters around the Americas and Western Africa. It’s basically a very likeable shark chomping on everything that comes into its path. I mean, look at this guy, how can you not love him?
Okay, I’ll admit, not everybody shares my aesthetic taste in “likeable” animals, but still. This is one handsome shark.
Lemon sharks belong to the incredibly badass-named group of “requiem sharks”, which also contains the dreaded tiger shark. They are sleek and fast sharks mostly inhabiting coasts, and they have a tendency to get lumped in with the mackerel sharks (where the Great White is classified) into a group of “this is all sharks, all of them, and they all eat humans, yup”. Although admittedly, some people have bigger problems with their classification than that.
*facepalm*
Idiotic questions aside, their sexy, sexy yellow color provides them with a perfect mimicri to blend into the sand in their coastal environment. Nature runs on an odd logic that doesn’t always follow ours, which means that the stealthiest animal around the mangrove forests is a 3 meters long garish yellow shark. Go figure.
While they’re always coastal, they regularly cycle between regular ocean shores and mangrove shores. They visit mangrove forests to give birth (they give live birth, by the way), and stay there for several years until their pups are grown enough to fuck off back to the regular coasts. Honestly though, raising a kid in the mangrove forest is like throwing them off Taigetos, except that you’re not doing it to get rid of the kid but instead you think it’s a valid model for parenting. And it works, because these aren’t any pasty-ass wimp humans, these are sharks.
Interestingly, they live in groups and even have some social dynamics, along with a pretty developed brain compared to most sharks. That means that you piss off one of them, and you have to face not a single shark, but an entire clan of them.
Gentlemen, we have assembled today to determine the precise way in which we kick that dumb tourist’s ass.
And that’s something you do not ever want to experience, since these guys are one of the extremely few sharks that are ACTUALLY man-eaters. Now don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t mean that us yummy meatsacks are their primary food source. This just means that lemon sharks view humans as potential prey if - IF - they encounter us. This is due to the fact that one of their major prey items is this monkey, which often dives into the water to look for assorted garbage to eat. Because of this, a lemon shark might associate to one of these monkeys from the shape of a human, and may attack. Generally the best course of action is to steer clear of lemon sharks, just stay the fuck away from that shit. Everyone is happier that way, you don’t get eaten and the shark won’t be deepthroating the fishing equipment of the angry locals.
You should consider this a great honor.
Speaking of which! In the case of the lemon shark, “steer clear” wouldn’t just mean steering clear of the water, but generally steering clear of the entire fucking mangrove forest. Because that shit is the lemon shark’s territory and you’ll pay dearly if you infringe on it. What, you thought they were confined to the ocean coast? You silly goose, you.
You keep telling yourself that.
Don’t worry, I’m not talking actual land sharks… yet. Evolution is a wondrous thing.
However, they do come very close to fucking walking sharks, and they do it surprisingly easily. Remember what I said makes mangrove environments so hellish? That’s right, the ocean flooding the woods during every high tide. And that means that during high tide, the lemon shark is free to literally swim into the forest. And they do exactly that, visiting the forest to hunt for the various delicious shit living on the tree roots. I shit you not, during high tide it’s a legitimate possibility to bump into a shark in the fucking forest. So when the waters rise, the lemon shark is free to enact mafia-style revenge on the goddamned landdwwellers who have as much as slighted it during low tide. FEAR THE LEMON.
@theload
Oh and @chickadee-sun you might enjoy this too!
Uh, excuse you, mangrove forests are an excellent nursery! Large predators that might want to eat babby lemons have a hard time navigating the dense roots and shallow water. Meanwhile, mangrove forests are full of life like coral reefs–many coral reefs are downcurrent of mangroves and depend on organic matter from the less-glamorous forests! So much food for a growing babby. Adult lemon sharks spend much less time in mangrove forests than juveniles. Putting them in a different habitat and niche minimizes competition between generations. Is very good parenting idea, much recommend.
Also, mommy lemon sharks respond to environmental cues in mangrove swamps by suppressing their appetites or hunting instincts. Lemon sharks that give birth in captivity without those environmental cues often eat their own babies.
Important addition! Though I should add that that was more of a joke. The lemons would obviously choose a nesting ground that’s beneficial for them. The cannibalism part was new to me though.
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