lil-mizz-jay: I had a dream where a girl had this like, big horrifying bone creature on a leash,...

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lil-mizz-jay:

I had a dream where a girl had this like, big horrifying bone creature on a leash, like it looked like something out of Dark Souls

And another lady was like “Oh my, what breed is he?”

And she was like “Eldritch!”

And then the bone creature took out a coin from a socket on his forehead and held it up to the other woman and said “Tell me your name”

And the girl walking him was like “No, down boy, don’t”

And the other woman went “Susanna” and then a bunch of smoke started billowing out of her eyes and ears and the coin flew up and started burning into Susanna’s forehead

And the girl walking her was like “I’m so sorry, he’s not usually like this! What’s gotten into you today!?”

And Susanna was like “Oh it’s fine he’s adorable” while she started rapidly aging and the bone creature was starting to grow muscle and skin

And then I woke up
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How My Little Toddler Girl Conquered a Haunted Funhouse

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iwritemonsters:

So my daughter earned a reputation today among the Haunted Forest funhouse workers at the Renaissance Faire. She’s two, by the way.

While my wife rested on a bench, I took my little girl towards the mock-up wooden castle with the skeletons perched all over it. The entrance attendant who took my money at the gate eyed my toddler in her Rapunzel outfit and gave me a side-eye. Her look said plainly, “If you want to pay $6 to have her run screaming after the first ten feet, it’s your dime.”

Immediately past the ticket station, my daughter realizes she’s surrounding by skeletons and immediately laughs and points. “Skeleton! Look, Daddy, skeleton! Oh, there skeleton too!” Her grin could swallow the world. “SKELETON!”

The gate attendants look at each other in confusion. These people don’t realize they’re dealing with a girl who, earlier in the day, ran up to a woman wearing a fox tail because my little Kiddo thought she’d found a werewolf.

See, my daughter refuses to go in car rides without her dollar store glow-in-the-dark skeletons to play with. She hugs the monsters in pop-up books. She howls during Werewolves of London. She can name every Universal Monster and distinguish a gug from a shoggoth.

The maze is unprepared for her.

A few feet inside, I see a a hooded skeleton peer at us from around a corner. He’s confused. After all, this schmuck has brought a ibby bibby girl into his forest, and he has no idea what kind of experience I’m expecting him to give.

My daughter waves at the reaper. “Hello skeleton! Come!”

He slowly comes out. She and the ghoul make friendly small talk until she notices a zombie horse and runs off after “skeleton horsey!” This level of enthusiasm generally continues.

A skeleton tied to a stake belches smoke. She laughs.

A coffin shakes, hands straining to force open the lid. “Hi, ‘pire!”

My daughter has found dark Disneyland, and she loves it. Well, the part where a blast of air shoot you in the butt? That she can deal without, but the monsters make her day.

We approach the curtained door of a structure, and before I can think about whether I should risk entering the room three grown women push it aside and rush out of the dark. “It’s too scary!” One whispers to me as they pass, bolting for the entrance.

My 2-year-old walks in and tries to make friends with the monsters.

Finally we reach the exit. Standing at attention is a skeleton knight with bulging bloodshot eyeballs. The Kiddo is so damn excited to see him, she smiles and waves at him for a full minute.

Then I tell her we have to go.

She starts crying.

Walking past later a few minutes later, I see the grim reaper talking to the attendants. He spots us, and Death himself points at my daughter. “Look, it’s that little girl!”

They loved her.

He lets us get a picture of her holding the scythe.
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aimee-is-rixon:2018 is the year we all start saying

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aimee-is-rixon:

2018 is the year we all start saying “thank you for your apology” and not “it’s okay, don’t worry about it” because if we say it’s okay then whoever is apologising will think it’s okay to do wrong by us again
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burden-in-my-hand: Couple Taking Engagement Photos Encounters Black Metal Band In The Woods John...

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burden-in-my-hand:

Couple Taking Engagement Photos Encounters Black Metal Band In The Woods

John Awesome and Nydia Hernandez were having an engagement photoshoot with photographer Janet Wheeland in Holy Jim Canyon, California when they stumbled into an entirely different kind of shoot. Black metal band Coldvoid happened to be in the same woods shooting promo photos under the full moon, and the two groups decided to join forces.

“During the last part of the session, we noticed a few guys with some corpse paint makeup on sitting at a nearby bench blaring out some black metal music,” Awesome told ABC News. “We just randomly thought it would be a funny idea if we could get them to be a part of our engagement shoot. So we approached them and asked and they more than happy to accept! Super nice people. I seriously can’t make this stuff up.” X

{ As it turns out they are a pretty good Black Metal Band from Cali, check them out in the link to their Bandcamp}
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samuraichampu:my kink is when people tell me they were thinking about me

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samuraichampu:

my kink is when people tell me they were thinking about me
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beatybe:I don’t think I have ever seen a dog

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beatybe:

I don’t think I have ever seen a dog show straight up unabashed disgust to anything.
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why-is-it-always-autumn: By reblogging this post you confirm that you are not Anish Kapoor, you are.

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why-is-it-always-autumn:

By reblogging this post you confirm that you are not Anish Kapoor, you are in no way affiliated to Anish Kapoor, you are not reblogging this post on behalf of Anish Kapoor or an associate of Anish Kapoor. To the best of your knowledge, information and belief this post will not make its way into the hands of Anish Kapoor.
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herhmione:my favorite moment in the sorcerer’s

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herhmione:

my favorite moment in the sorcerer’s stone is when hagrid comes to get harry for hogwarts and he’s like “you mean to tell me this boy know nothing about anything?!” and harry, bless his heart, is lowkey offended and is like “i mean i know math” like what a pure boy…….. what a shining soul……
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dragon-in-a-fez: theawwesomeeridan: love-doesnt-discrimi

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dragon-in-a-fez:

theawwesomeeridan:

love-doesnt-discriminate:

I just said “I am Moana from Motunui, you killed my father, prepare to die” and it actually took me a few seconds to realize that’s not right

My name is Inigo Montoya. You will board my boat, sail across the world, and return the heart of Te Fiti.

my name is Moana Montoya, you will board my father, prepare to sail, and die
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bunjywunjy:trees can’t read

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bunjywunjy:

trees can’t read
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scripturient-manipulator: beepboop-its-a-robot: STORY TIME: I work in a decent sized, local, indie..

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scripturient-manipulator:

beepboop-its-a-robot:

STORY TIME:

I work in a decent sized, local, indie bookstore. It’s a great job 99% of the time and a lot of our customers are pretty neat people. Any who, middle of the day this little old lady comes up. She’s lovably kooky. She effuses how much she loves the store and how she wishes she could spend more time in it but her husband is waiting in the car (OH! I BETTER BUY HIM SOME CHOCOLATE!), she piles a bunch of art supplies on the counter and then stops and tells me how my bangs are beautiful and remind her of the ocean (“Wooooosh” she says, making a wave gesture with her hand)

Ok. I think to myself. Awesomely happy, weird little old ladies are my favorite kind of customer. They’re thrilled about everything and they’re comfortably bananas. I can have a good time with this one. So we chat and it’s nice.

Then this kid, who’s been up my counter a few times to gather his school textbooks, comes up in line behind her (we’re connected to a major university in the city so we have a lot of harried students pass through). She turns around to him and, out of nowhere, demands that he put his textbooks on the counter. He’s confused but she explains that she’s going to buy his textbooks.

He goes sheetrock white. He refuses and adamantly insists that she can’t do that. It’s like, $400 worth of textbooks. She, this tiny old woman, bodily takes them out of her hands, throws them on the counter and turns to me with a intense stare and tells me to put them on her bill. The kid at this point is practically in tears. He’s confused and shocked and grateful. Then she turns to him and says “you need chocolate.” She starts grabbing handfuls of chocolates and putting them in her pile.

He keeps asking her “why are you doing this?” She responds “Do you like Harry Potter?“ and throws a copy of the new Cursed Child on the pile too.

Finally she’s done and I ring her up for a crazy amount of money. She pays and asks me to please give the kid a few bags for his stuff. While I’m bagging up her merchandise the kid hugs her. We’re both telling her how amazing she is and what an awesome thing she’s done. She turns to both of us and says probably one of the most profound, unscripted things I’ve ever had someone say:

“It’s important to be kind. You can’t know all the times that you’ve hurt people in tiny, significant ways. It’s easy to be cruel without meaning to be. There’s nothing you can do about that. But you can choose to be kind. Be kind.”

The kid thanks her again and leaves. I tell her again how awesome she is. She’s staring out the door after him and says to me: “My son is a homeless meth addict. I don’t know what I did. I see that boy and I see the man my son could have been if someone had chosen to be kind to him at just the right time.”

I’ve bagged up all her stuff and at this point am super awkward and feel like I should say something but I don’t know what. Then she turns to me and says: I wish I could have bangs like that but my darn hair is just too curly.“ And leaves.

And that is the story of the best customer I’ve ever had. Be kind to somebody today.

Honestly I truly do aspire to be that old woman, and I work towards it each day that I can.
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slumbermancer: this elephant seal’s name

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slumbermancer:

this elephant seal’s name is “GUEST COLUMNS”
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napoleanbonafarte: markv5:

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napoleanbonafarte:

markv5:

Когда смотришь кино с мамой, и тут на экране кто-то начал раздеваться…

“When you’re watching a movie with your mom and someone on-screen starts to undress…”
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