May. 8th, 2017

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clairidryl:

powerburial:

bro do u really have to circle it when it’s the only thing in the picture

That’s it’s aura
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arielsfunblr:

Parks and Rec got Men’s Rights Activists exactly right and it was perfect.
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cherrysnak:

sludgejudy:

the chocolates your total comes to onemilliononehundred HuUuh

yeaAah thats whatit saAays, that mustbe REALLYgood chocolate paperorplastic

uuweweuundeheuhme

from the digimon movie

In case anyone needed a reminder of how awful English dubs can be sometimes.
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May. 8th, 2017 11:47 am
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May. 8th, 2017 01:08 pm
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Ioan Dumitrescu
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lemonsharks:

berlynn-wohl:

discochurch:

Adult things arent NEARLY as complex as I thought they were growing up I just walked into bank of america and said im here to open a checking account and they said ok and opened me a checking account

If you have anxiety about being an adult, it may help to think of adult things as basically just doing a lot of quests.

Me: [googles “where do i get a passport”]Me: [goes to that building]Me: [asks first person I encounter] Where do I get a passport?Them: Third floor, room twelve.Me: [goes to that room]Me: [asks first person I encounter] Where do I get a passport?Them: That desk over there.Me: [goes to that desk]Me: Where do I get a passport?Them: Fill out this form.Me: [thinking] Silver key opens the garden gate, in the garden is the red key, which opens the red door, there’s a boy in the red house who tells you his dog is trapped in the old abandoned barn and can I please rescue him…

being an adult is a serious of fetch quests and waiting in lines
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gutterballgt:

muffinsandmatriarchy:

m00nqueer:

ok this is “earring magic ken” who was introduced in 1992 (and discontinued shortly thereafter)

basically mattel had done a survey and discovered that girls didn’t think ken was “cool” enough

SO someone had the bright idea to research coolness by sending people to raves which, at the time, were mostly hosted & attended by gay men. so they went to these raves and took notes on what the fashions were and finally landed on this outfit, mesh shirt & all 

this doll became the best selling ken doll in history, mostly because gay men bought it in droves. (many of them said his necklace was supposed to be a cockring) but mattel and a number of parents weren’t very amused and discontinued the doll 

OH MY GOD YOU’RE LEAVING OUT THE BEST PART

SO

MAGIC EARRING KEN. This bitch gay as HELL. supposedly the aforementioned rings on him are for “magic earrings” and clip on charms. These charms are advertised as totally COMPLETELY heterosexual, not gay at ALL, see there’s a Barbie that also has Magic Earring Action with clip on charms! Ken wears them to match, because he’s STRAIGHT

Here’s the issue: THERE IS NO MATCHING BARBIE. Magic Earring Ken is out here straight up wearing cock rings on his jacket with a thinly devised advertising ploy to make it SEEM not-gay. But it’s DEFINITELY GAY.
(And if you’re thinking, why cock rings? Well way back in 1992 gay culture was HUGE on wearing cock rings, it was the in-style. Everyone who was gay wore one, even women; you sewed them to your leather jacket, and the placement indicated some of your sexual preference. In case you were wondering, Ken is a Bottom.)

AND IT GETS BETTER. Magic Earring Ken was on the shelves for six weeks before they pulled him. In that short amount of time? Magic Earring Ken became the BEST SELLING Barbie Doll Mattel has EVER SOLD.
LET THAT SINK IN. SIX WEEKS. And now every time these wheezy old hetero windbag execs go to look at their sales board, they’re forever haunted by Magic Earring Ken at the top of their charts.

Gay as hell, Cock Ring Bottom Ken, the Best Selling Mattel Doll.
Pride.

My life is complete knowing Ken is a bottom.
Never forget.
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May. 8th, 2017 06:37 pm
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backto5oh5:

My favorite tweet in all of existence

it’s that time of year. 
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rovrsi:

céline s/s 2015

i cannot comprehend how much i hate this shoe. this has left a disgusting taste in my mouth. it’s like someone has eaten a whole banana skin included and not digested it properly and then pooped it out and just put their foot right in it and whacked a black thingo on it and called it a shoe. im honestly in shock. this shoe must be worth like 400000 dolladioos. for a banana poo. i hate this shoe. i hate him. Kill Him Now
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rubyetc:

SOON
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oviz:

Flower garden
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barbeauxbot:

oddballwaterfall:

catsuggest:

rude

@pixelatedplatypus @thesushiowl @coelasquid @barbeauxbot

The best part of owning a cat is messing with them.
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cat-pun:

gender: a collection of thoughts and feelings

im not here on this earth to argue with cis people, or justify myself, or debate about my identity with strangers. im here for other nonbinary people who feel the same way and also to drink some real good smoothies
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elliottholt:

Большой секрет — знает весь свет.    Big secret—the whole world knows.

Борода не делает философом.  A beard doesn’t make a philosopher.

В темноте все кошки серы.  All cats are gray in the dark.

В Ту́лу со свои́м самова́ром не е́здят. No one brings a samovar to Tula. (Tula is famous as the city where samovars were manufactured. This is the equivalent of “Don’t bring coal to Newcastle.”)

Волко́в боя́ться — в лес не ходи́ть. If you’re afraid of wolves, don’t go to the woods.

Говорить правду — потерять дружбу.  Tell the truth—lose friends.

Доверя́й, но проверя́й.  Trust, but verify.

Долг платежо́м кра́сен.  Debt is beautiful once it’s repaid.

Доно́счику — пе́рвый кнут. The informer is whipped first.

Друг познаётся в беде́.  You get to know your friend in trouble. (A friend in need is a friend indeed.)

Дру́жба дру́жбой, а де́нежкам счёт.  Friendship is friendship, but count money.

Знать всё — значит не знать ничего. To know everything is to know nothing.

И у стен бывают уши. And even walls have ears.

Когда́ де́ньги говоря́т, тогда́ пра́вда молчи́т.  When money talks, truth shuts up.

На чужо́м го́ре сча́стья не постро́ишь. One can’t build happiness upon another’s grief.

Назва́лся гру́здем — полеза́й в ку́зов. If you called yourself a mushroom—get in the basket. (Sort of like, “don’t just talk the talk—walk the walk.”)

Не ошиба́ется тот, кто ничего́ не де́лает. He that does nothing makes no mistakes.

NB: any translation mistakes are mine
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told you
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s-leary:

safewordstealy:

safewordstealy:

It’s official. I have seen EVERYTHING. 

A GAY JEWISH WEDDING WHERE THEY RODE IN ON A HORSE DRESSED AS A UNICORN

And they said the internet was for porn.

This is how I’m getting married
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sleepyflannel:

reblog this and tag it with where u live, your age, and what u call these things
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theultravioletcatastrophe:

grammarmancer:

theothin:

tbh at this point I’m always very wary of posts that talk about “neurotypicals” because even if it’s not explicitly stated there always seems to be this underlying assumption that you can identify someone as “neurotypical” or not just from encountering them and that’s so much Not A Thing

^^^^^

Like a lot of times when people describe asshole neurotypicals, they’re basically describing my brother, who has had severe ADHD all his life and struggles with depression, but manages it with diet and exercise and has built a life around managing it that way. He also sometimes suggests other people do that because it worked for him.

He also recognizes that it doesn’t work for other people (he didn’t used to but we all used to believe stupid things) and is a jerk in other ways as well (as we all are) but I know people would use that to say he’s neurotypical and he isn’t. 

If you can’t diagnose mental illness from a distance, you can’t diagnose the absence of mental illness from a distance.
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meaganfanart:

Genji: Very quiet and respectful, never eats your food. But he never sleeps, so that can get awkward. Sometimes he does his ninja training in the living room at like 3am. When you go down to yell at him he has mysteriously vanished…

McCree: Super friendly, super messy. He will always invite you into his room to watch this cool video he found on YouTube that you’ve certainly already seen, but he just found it. He thinks the fridge is more of a communal zone. You can take his food, and he can take your’s. He prefers to cook meals to share though, not that he’s any good at cooking. Is often hungover in the mornings.

Pharah: Isn’t home a lot. She’s very focused on her career. Her interactions with you are very formal at first, kinda stiff and awkward. It will either stay that way forever, or one night of drinking and video games will break the ice and give you a million inside jokes.

Reaper: Just the worst roommate ever. The second he’s done with something, he drops it on the ground. Beer bottles? Check. Towel? Yep. Laundry? You once found a pair of his boxers in the refrigerator for fucks sake Reyes, why is this here? NEXT TO MY MILK! He always claims he was the last one who did dishes. He never does dishes.

Soldier 76: The weird roommate you met through Craigslist who seems quiet and reserved at first, but once he gets going on his conspiracy theories and how THE SYSTEM IS BROKEN he will never shut up. Constantly plays CoD on the couch. Never seems to go to work, but always pays rent on time. Does the chores with military precision.

Tracer: Lives outside of time, quite literally. So be prepared to remind her of appointments, when rent is due, that it is not in fact the weekend so could she stop playing Just Dance so loud past eleven? It’s frustrating, but she’s so much fun to be around you forgive her.  She is on first name basis with all the bartenders in the neighborhood, and drinking with her is always an epic adventure.

Bastion: You bought this old thing on eBay. They said it was non-functional, but it immediately sprang to life in your apartment. It spends all its time out on the balcony, where a flock of birds have made it their home. Every once in a while you wake up in the middle of the night to find it crouched in the corner of your room in turret mode. Then you realize someone was being loud outside and it got scared.

Hanzo: There are two Hanzos. Calm, collected, brooding Hanzo, and I’LL TELL YOU WHEN I’VE HAD ENOUGH SAKEsshdhshjkfk Hanzo. Hanzo is normally very organized, his room his spartan and he made a chore schedule that he treats like it is law. But about two times a week he gets shit faced on expensive sake, cries about his brother, tries to fight a house plant (claiming it knows nothing of honor when he falls on his ass), and ends the evening on the balcony, pegging passersby with perfect precision with YOUR HOTDOGS THAT HE STOLE FROM THE FRIDGE, HANZO COME INSIDE.

Junkrat: Just, an absolute disaster. Your apartment has become a junkyard. Scraps of machines all of the place. And it smells terrible because he’s constantly mixing weird chemicals in the bathtub. You’ve started showering at the gym, and are terrified when you have to pee. You’ve had three minor fires in the place since he moved in, and you’re pretty sure he’s a criminal. You’d call the cops, but his… boyfriend? You’re not sure. His giant man partner keeps coming around and staring at you silently and you’re just trying to stay alive, okay?

Mei: Is terribly sweet and friendly, but messy and forgetful. You can’t get mad at her, because she always apologizes profusely when she forgets to do the dishes or take out the trash or that this is her week to buy toilet paper. She’s often wrapped up in her work, and loves to go on exuberant explanations of the science involved that you don’t even half understand. But you smile and nod along. She’s just so excited, you can’t interrupt her. Her bedroom is cluttered with items she collected from her travels and adventures, mixed with scientific equipment and climbing gear. She always wants you to come on nature hikes. They are beautiful but exhausting. That girl has boundless energy. The only time she gets mad is if you try to throw away a recyclable.

Torbjörn: He is constantly making noise, hammering, laughing like a maniac, riveting??? WTF is he doing in his room???? He’s very cranky and opinionated (do not bring up Omnics, trust me), but after a few beers he has some of the most amazing stores you’ve ever heard. He keeps his mess to his room and only forgets to do his chores every once in a while. But food in the fridge is going to disappear and he’ll get very defensive when you ask him about it. Also, long golden beard hairs! EVERYWHERE! in the bathroom! Clean out the drain when you’re done!

Widowmaker: The most intimidating person you’ve ever lived with. Hell, ever met. She will walk around in nothing but a towel, but it’s actually kind of terrifying? Like she’s daring you to say something to her??? You’re pretty sure she’s killed at least two people in the neighborhood. No one can prove it. You feel like she’s constantly watching you in your room… you’ve looked for cameras and found nothing. She leaves for days at a time, and then suddenly appears silently in the middle of the apartment. You didn’t hear the front door open????? WTF IS HAPPENING???? She leaves all the chores to you, will pretend she only speaks French if she’s not in the mood to talk to you. You’re pretty sure you’re going to be found dead in the bathtub and there will be no records of your roommate…

D.Va: Almost never does chores, acts like she did you a favor when she finally washes a single dish. Is constantly live streaming from the couch. You haven’t been able to watch TV since she moved in. She invites you to play games just to utterly destroy your ass at them. She got sponsored by Doritos and Mountain Dew so now the apartment is full of that crap. She acts like that’s her contribution to groceries because she saw you eat a chip. You thought she hated you until someone on her stream called you a loser and she tore them a new asshole. Is this what having a sister is like???

Reinhardt: Snores like a freight train is rumbling through the apartment. You can hear it through the walls. Through your earplugs. Nothing helps. He is incredibly helpful and friendly though. Always does his chores, does a few of your’s if you don’t stop him. Loves to cook dinner, but will always make the weirdest German fusion food. Any nice thing you do for him gets the most enthusiastic thanks that it makes you want to do nice things for him all the time.

Roadhog: You’ve seen some shit, man. Shit you can never tell anyone. Mostly because it would damage Roadhog’s bad ass reputation, and you will not make him angry. His room is full of plushies. He sleeps on them in a big pile. He spends all day playing Animal Crossing and he helps paint your nails. His weirdo boyfriend? You don’t know, small manic man partner comes over sometimes, but you managed to get them to not set off any explosions in the house(by claiming to protect the plushies). When Roadhog first showed up, you were terrified. But he’s turned out to be a really sweet guy. When you’re not on his shit list. You will do anything not to get on the shit list… A UPS driver damaged his limited edition Rainbow Sparkle Bear, and you heard the screams……..

Winston: Spends all his time in his room on his computer. He’s nice enough when he comes out, but that’s usually only for more peanut butter. He’s kind of shy and awkward around you at first, but one day you ask about the glory days of Overwatch, and you get a story hour of epic proportions. After that he is your buddy. Tracer comes by sometimes, always bringing a fresh batch of bananas. Winston tries to act insulted, but you always catch him eating them later. He forgets to do his chores, a lot. He always promises he’ll get around to them. After this experiment is finished… It never gets done.

Zarya: Your living room is now a gym. She moved in a professional looking weight set and bench. “This is just for casual,” she tells you. She constantly makes “helpful” remarks about your physique. She thinks if you just did some deadlifts, your legs would be much stronger. Much more solid. You are like noodle. She tries to train you on the weight set in the living room. She proves that she can benchpress you, and then gives you some fifty pound weights “For a warm up”. May god have mercy on your soul.

Lúcio: Just the nicest roommate ever. He will sit on the couch with you until 3 am talking through your problems. He baked you a cake on your birthday. Is it your day to do chores? He saw you weren’t feeling well, so he just did them this morning. Don’t worry about it, fam, I got you. He only asks you for things on behalf of others. Will you help him organize a fundraiser for the local kid’s soccer organization? Come to a protest to improve the working conditions in factories? Could you maybe drop off this extra portion of dinner to the old lady next door on your way out? Say hi to her cats for him. The only thing that can be annoying is he can get lost in his music and forget that it’s super late. But when that wakes you up, you usually just go and sit down in his room and watch him work on his latest tracks.

Mercy: You really won’t see her that often. She is an incredibly overworked doctor. She is a very kind and patient person, but you can tell she is constantly bone tired. You don’t even ask her to do chores, you just do them all yourself. She barely ever uses dishes or makes a mess anyway. She leaves you little cakes she bought at the bodega as a thank you every now and then. Most of your communication is through post it notes, as you are often on completely different schedules. She seems nice, but you don’t really know her.

Symmetra: Everything has to be just so. She doesn’t even let you do chores, she doesn’t trust that you did them right. She will say the bathroom is filthy when it looks sparkling to you. She is constantly creating little robots to do work for her, so you don’t feel too bad letting her clean? She is incredibly sheltered, and can get hostile when you challenge her world view. But at the same time, you can tell she’s lonely and hurting. With small gestures here and there, maybe you can become friends.

Zenyatta: Just, the chillest bro you have ever met. He floats around the apartment and doesn’t eat anything so he doesn’t cause messes. He still helps with the chores, because it is more balanced that way. When you go through a break up he will listen and give you advice that honestly makes you feel better. He invites you to mediate, and makes it sound like a really great activity. His pupil, Genji, is always coming around. Zenyatta is so happy to see him. Neither of them eat, but Genji makes you ramen sometimes and its SO GOOD. They are both cinnamon rolls, and your life is better for knowing them. Occasionally Zenyatta knocks something over as he floats by, but that’s about the only drawback.
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raiseyoulikeaphoenix:

havin peoples home addresses is surreal bc i could like randomly send them a photo of a clam?? that’s something i could do? i literally have the means to send them a physical image of a bivalve mollusk but i never ddo
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