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volcainist:

Goalkeepers’ balls get photoshopped into cats.
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tupacabra:

when he says he wants to do it bareback
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memelovingbot:

on this, the day of my bold lip with bold eyeshadow’s wedding
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t-vos:

@samuyed
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dicaeopolis:

difference between jealousy and envy

jealousy:

you already possess something

someone else is encroaching on your possession of it

you are afraid that something of yours will be taken by someone else

envy:

crop top

androgynous

palm tree hair

shapeshifter

killed maes hughes
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vrixie:

irisannwest:

do you ever

do you ever just have

that one class

that one freaking class

that just depresses you when you think about it because

oh god you hate it so much

The bourgeoisie
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mutant-aesthetic:

liquored-up-rifleman:

mutant-aesthetic:

zahnegott:

wroughtornot:

did-you-kno:

On the Pottermore website,
J.K. Rowling explains how wizards poop.
There’s an excerpt about the Chamber
of Secrets that says wizards didn’t need
toilets because they ‘simply relieved
themselves where they stood,
and vanished the evidence.’ Source Source 2

i fucking hate jk rowling so much because years and years after this franchise has ended she is still continuing trying to make it bad to the point where she said that every character in harry potter canonically shits themselves and then casts a shit vanishing spell 

fuck this is b a d

This reminds me of the hufflepuff group masturbation tweets

The what?
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slamdunkthefunk:

lizardsister:

straightallies:

pluckydoodle:

ilikechildren–fried:

hattedhedgehog:

the-eagle-atarian:

silentthevoice:

i would platonic date so many people 

like fuck yeah let me take u out to a fancy restaurant let’s get dressed up and go without all the romantic involvement or anything like that it would be so nice

*Quietly raises hand* Actually what the OP was talking about is a real thing:

Source (x)

Ohhh I see what you mean! You mean 

I get it now

while friendship is the level of being friends, if it were a scale then queerplatonic would be in between friendship and a romantic relationship because there is a deeper connection than just friendship that is like the attachment level of a romantic relationship without the romantic feelings

oh ok, so like this!

this post has haunted me for years like have y'all never hung out with people before

I’m going to die
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berlynn-wohl:

anotherjen:

zygomafantasy:

kyrstin:

hear me out: a cutthroat kitchen-type contest for fanfic writers. contestants are given a different trope to write each round. sabotages include making an opponent write in first person, requiring them to write in a particular AU, making them incorporate the opening structure of my immortal. alton brown looks over your shoulder while you write the smut.

Oh, god.

@bipolar-berry-crunch

A grab bag of horrible euphemisms are on the table, you bid for the privilege of being the only author allowed to use “cock”

You only get to use the character’s names and/or their pronouns once for every 1000 words. Beyond that, you must say “the taller one,” “the detective,” etc.

[fifteen seconds before you’re eliminated] “So this is a, sort of a, rustic, deconstructed high school bodyswap fake relationship fic…”

“I was so psyched to write my Fuck Or Die fic! I immediately picked up symbolic flowers, a prostate massager, and the dog they would adopt together…and then I realized – I totally forgot the aliens to make them do it.”

The most brutally sabotaged contestant ends up writing something so bad it becomes the most famous fic in all of fandom, forever. No one remembers who actually won the contest.
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kotsuso:

mappysnappy:

quasi-normalcy:

kerryrenaissance:

silverbellsolicitor:

It kind of really confuses me when Barbie commercials have little girls dressing them up and brushing their hair
Like no
Barbie is not about fashion. Barbie is about collecting as many dolls as you can get your grubby 7 year old hands on and dominating the living room with your expansive empire of plastic women. Barbie is about creating intricate social structures and spicy inter-family conflicts between town house residents. Barbie is about formulating complex back stories for tortured Ken dolls with emotional scars. It’s about creating near-sadistic dramatic plot twists that split up marriages and cause that one Barbie you really dislike to be ceremoniously tossed down the stairs in order to be offed by the jealous ex-wife of Ken #4.

Yes, but how do you make it into a marketable commercial that won’t freak parents and caregivers out?

I’ve always had the impression that advertisers don’t really understand how girls play with their toys.

When I played with Barbies I had this thing called “The Dead Pit” which was a purple bratz laundry hamper. So whenever a Barbie got killed off she would go in there. And what I would do was I would carry her to the dead pit while singing the dead pit song. The dead pit song was just saying “The dead pit” over and over again in different tones. Anyway, once I finally reached the pit I would announce “(name) has died.” And drop her in. I would wait a few moments. Then, I would violently shake the hamper while shrieking, pretending to be the tortured souls of dead barbies of the underworld. I thought it was hilarious.

Children terrify me.
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philosophers stone: no mentions. 0/10
chamber of secrets: fawkes is described as the size of a swan. a heart stopping moment. 8/10.
prisoner of azkaban: no mentions. 0/10.
goblet of fire: fawkes again mentioned as the size of a swan. just as exciting as the last time. 8/10.
order of the phoenix: fawkes once more mentioned as the size of a swan. a happy occasion as always. cho's patronus is a swan. a thrilling and heart warming moment. 10/10.
half blood prince: no mentions. disgusting of a book this size. 0/10.
deathly hallows: when neville opens the portrait of ariana the portrait is said to have 'swang open'. When the only mention of a swan is inside another word you know it's a bad read. 1/10.
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rainbowbarnacle:

roachpatrol:

samlikesboys:

All of the orgasms in fic are so violent. His orgasm came like a punch to the gut. It hit him like a mack truck. It knifed him in a fucking alley. What these orgasms need is a good education.

the orgasm tapped him on the shoulder politely because it wasn’t raised in a goddamn barn

By the time he came back to himself, the orgasm had washed the dishes, vacuumed the living room, and retrieved his lost house key from under the chaise lounge.

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