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didyousaymaraudersormurder:

tinyluxmachine:

kikisdeliveryservice1989:

did Harry Potter really have a currency called a knut??? how did preteen (and let’s be real twenty year old) wizards deal w that??

“and how are you paying for your preordered copy of “Super Rad And Probably Very Dangerous Beasts And Where To Totally Find Them” by Rubeus Hagrid?

“with deez knuts”

This is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen I’ve been laughing for 5 minutes please send help
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batcii:

who gaf about who wins quidditch when u got a cute gf am i right???
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blvnk-art:

Once I tried to think of how Harry James Potter would have looked like when he got older.

I imagine McGonagall seeing him and thinking that Harry looks like everyone he loved now. His mother’s green eyes, his father’s features, Sirius’ hair (and even beard) and Remus, because of the scars on his face.

Celebranting 10k followers on Instagram @potterbyblvnk today, and also appreciating all the support with my series of sketches about adult Harry here on tumblr! :) I hope you enjoy this portrait of Harry showing his hair 😉
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sleepy-loopin:

justlookatthosesausages:

archanonhiru:

irrepressiblenaiad:

thezohar:

passific-rim-job:

queersimonmonroe:

In the 2014 additions to the UK Potter books, Rowling says part of the process to become an Animagus is to hold the leaf of a Mandrake in your mouth for a whole month. 

Can you imagine. These boys in Minerva McGonagall’s classes for that month, hoping she doesn’t notice. 

now that you pointed that out i’m 100% sure minerva knew about that

ok imagine all the marauders pretending to take a vow of silence for a month to keep that up.
Like wearing chalkboards around their necks and writing out anything they have to say around teachers and coming up with another ridiculous reason every time someone asks why they’re taking a vow of silence like. We’re protesting the traditional student/teacher constructs and the unreasonable verbal requirements of school. We’re raising awareness of how funny we are and how much your lives are worse without our beautiful voices telling jokes. We’re in a very intense round of the Silent Game and we’re all here to WIN.

“So Remus, why aren’t you doing it?”
(gives very fond look to the boys) “I’m not a moron.”
“(deathglares)”

Okay but

What about when McGonagall did it.

YES CAN WE ALSO TALK ABOUT THAT

Other student: Minnie, why aren’t you talking?
McGonagall: *scribbles on a piece of parchment* “someone bet me I couldn’t and mama ain’t raise no bitch”
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yourfluffiestnightmare:

In CoS when they try to sneak into Myrtle’s bathroom to ask her about her death, McGonagall catches them and Harry makes up the excuse that they wanted to see Hermione in the hospital wing and Minnie doesn’t give them detention and then comes this and since we all know Harry’s dumbest excuse, here’s the official suggestion to rate all of Harry’s excuses on a scale from

to
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upthehillart:

“Harry found himself newly and happily impervious to gossip over the next few weeks. After all, it made a very nice change to be talked about because of something that was making him happier than he could remember being for a very long time”

- Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Chapter 25, after Harry and Ginny’s first kiss

Background by Martyn Smith
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thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

blvnk-art:

I had to illustrate this moment x)

[instagram @potterbyblvnk]

Harry Potter and the Sex Dreams about His Best Friends Sister
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alrightevans:

maybe the most ridiculous thing harry ever did was leave figuring out the second task until it was literally the early hours of the morning before it took place and he was still in the library?? like the first task was literally to fight a dragon, if that doesn’t scare you out of procrastinating til the last minute i rly don’t know what will??? i have never related to him more
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lunalovegoodjunior:

hermionemollypeggypond:

Dumbledore, died at age 115

Horcruxes made: 0

Voldemort, died at age 71

Horcruxes made: 7

Conclusion: Voldemort was the most useless, magic dependant wizard that ever existed. He could have lived till like 200 if he just ate well and exercised, but no he had to go and split up his soul and ruin perfectly good jewellery, fucking dumbass.

this sounds like it was written by hermione granger at 1 am
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willoftitanium:

prismatic-bell:

muchymozzarella:

I would like to be a Ravenclaw only because I want to be that Ravenclaw who opens the dorms for people with the worst ever answers to questions that are also correct, like 

“Why is a raven like a writing desk” “They both have the letter R in them" 

“What is the truth?” “The word with the letters T, R, U and H in it" 

“What is the answer to this riddle?” “The answer to this riddle is the answer to this riddle, of course”

“What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon and three legs at night?” “Not you, obviously”

“Which came first, the chicken or the egg?” “Well you just mentioned the chicken first, so by virtue of the order of your sentence, it’ll be the chicken. Also alphabetically.”

because if I were ever in Ravenclaw it won’t be for being smart, it’ll be for being a smartass  

“Where do Vanished objects go?”

“Somewhere other than where they were Vanished from, duh.”

“What is the truth?”

“Sarah is cheating on Robert with Dylan.”

4th year standing behind me: omg no way
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sashaforthewin:

brosequartz:

queerandgrumpy:

headcanon that since the slytherin common room is under the lake there’s a room where the walls and ceiling are glass and you can just see into the lake like an aquarium

headcanon that when this was first done the mermaids got really aggressive and hateful about it and started ramming the glass but since it was magic this just caused them injuries

until a deaf/hoh slytherin started to teach them sign language and it took a long time bit by the time they left hogwarts they and the rest of the house were communicating with the mermaids and on good terms

eventually it becomes a part of slytherin house culture you’re a slytherin you know sign language because if you don’t chat with the mermaids they get grumpy

this helps a lot of deaf/hoh students

this also gives slytherin the best grades of any house on all aquatic magical studies

the mermaids give terrible dating advice do not trust them

The most common mermaid dating advice, of course, being “Drown him”
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thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

jedifinnrey:

snape could’ve been an awesome teacher if he wasn’t a disgusting waste of a human being. he knew from age 16 that the instuctions that the textbooks were giving weren’t as good as they could be. he improved the potions and recorded his methods at age 16. if he weren’t such a shitbag, he could’ve either written the damn textbooks himself, or taught his students his alternate methods. he could’ve revolutionized how potions were being brewed, teaching whole generations a superior method of potion brewing. instead, he spent his time bullying children. 

He could have become rich and famous and been one of the most well regarded wizards of his age with his knowledge of spells and potions

But instead he decided “The girl i hurled racial slurs at put me in the Friend Zone so I’m gonna go become a Magic Nazi and then spend the remainder of my adult years emotionally abusing twelve year olds”

He could have become everything a Slytherin should have been instead of the epitome of what everyone else thinks they are.
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saltkat:

Draco finally gets his handshake :’)

i’ve had this idea in my head for literal months and was too lazy to do it until i had 4 final projects to complete, obviously
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geeky-galpal:

exitpursuedbyasloth:

hippity-hoppity-brigade:

delilahmidnight:

hippity-hoppity-brigade:

siriusblaque:

narcissa malfoy was probably the most powerful occlumens in hogwarts history and nobody knew

she literally stood up to lord voldemort and lied that harry potter was dead and i don’t know about you but if i were an evil ruler i would probably want to triple-check that my nemesis was, you know, actually deceased

voldemort had actual doubts about snape

narcissa swans on by without a whisper, without a second glance

narcissa malfoy understood from a young age that she was meant to do only a few things: look pretty, say nothing, and marry well. 

narcissa malfoy understood those rules, and she layered her mind with them. 

look pretty. wear the most expensive robes. grandmother’s pearls. curl your hair every night. think only of clothes and dimples and the way your hair falls when you flutters you eyelashes at a boy. 

say nothing. don’t speak when mother and father are screaming at each other. demurely look down as another boy asks you to dance. retreat into the reading room when your family friends, known death eaters and criminals, pay your parents a visit and speak in hushed voices over tea. think of pretty things. 

marry well. marry into a family of your parents’ friends. bear children. wear pearls and look demure and think of nothing but pretty, pretty things, like the way your husband’s hair gleams in candlelight. 

masters must learn the rules before they can break them. narcissa learned the rules so well that they wrapped around her; sank into her skin and her mind. they protect her from enemies. they conceal the quick, strategic plots ticking her brain into gear every moment of every day. they hide the calculation of each smile, each movement. 

narcissa is so good, so perfect, that no one will ever know.  

#look like the flower but be the serpent underneath

# I actually have lots of thoughts about this # I think she got away with lying so easily because Voldemort would never have expected her to # I don’t think she even needed to use occlumency # because why would /some silly women/ # /Lucius’ wife/ # ever lie to /The Dark Lord/? # she wouldn’t be smart enough # she wouldn’t be brave enough # she wouldn’t be selfless enough # Voldemort is an absolute idiot when it comes to the things that really matter # ’Houselves children’s tales love loyalty innocence’

#voldy was shocked when he found out his mom was the witch #he assumed his father would be magical

and there you have it.

rb again for that meta, damn

Not only was this one of the most badass moments of the books, but it was genuinely surprising without being some Random Shit Out Of Fucking Nowhere that some authors/scriptwriters think is all there is to being surprising/shocking.

Because it makes perfect sense.  Of course Narcissa would turn on Voldemort without a second thought to protect her son. Not only because she’s his mother, but because that’s how Voldemort was defeated the first time around, and Voldemort cannot change or learn. 1980′s Voldemort was defeated because of a mother’s love, Lily’s sacrifice for Harry. Lily was not considered important to Voldemort, only James and Harry were. Voldemort was even willing to spare her for Snape, if she didn’t put up a fight (which of course she did). To him, Lily was irrelevant, because she was a woman and Muggle-born. Voldemort underestimated her, and it cost him. So naturally he would do the same thing again in the 90′s, focusing on Harry and the prophecy, never considering the thing that defeated him before might do so again. He was wary of Lucius and Draco, but underestimated Narcissa and it lead directly to his defeat. And she KNEW he did, and used it to her advantage.

This short-sightedness is even reflected in his most ardent supporter Bellatrix, who was also killed by a furious mother protecting her child.

A mother’s love started the series, and a mother’s love ended it.

A mother’s love started the series, and a mother’s love ended it.

YES.
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dukeofbookingham:

accio-shitpost:

wizard teenagers breaking up with each other overdramatically via howler

This might be my favorite HP headcanon ever
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snapslikethis:

gin-draws:

other HP related questions:

-What happens with wands after a witch/wizard dies. Do they destroy them? Are they resold??
-Why is Mr. Weasley so fascinated by dentistry?? Do wizards not do oral hygiene??
-Are dementors the only employees at Azkaban? There’s recent photos of Sirius and the other escapees- so do they have picture day with a dementor photographer?
-Hagrid’s Conception…
-Are there owl breeders?
-Where do they do their grocery shopping?
-What crazy weight loss fads exist in a world full of magic?
-What’s going on under robes if they’re confused by “muggle clothes” i.e. pants..
-Are all wizarding kids under 11 just home schooled? Poor Mrs. Weasley…
-What crazy wizarding hallucinogenics exist?
-How do wizard farmers feel about MMOs (magically modified organisms)?
-Do they have lower security prisons, or are you just sent to Azkaban for a significantly shorter period of time?
-Steroids?
-Are there quidditch little league tournaments and would James Potter have been the loudest person there?
-Do they go by a different calendar year?
-Where are the terribly done moving paintings… because they exist.
-Why didn’t they just Priori Incantato on Sirius’s wand when they arrested him??????
-What about wizarding art culture??
- How long is your house on fire before you call the fire department if there even is one?
-Magic “marital aids”..👀👀👀

i want ‘azkaban picture day’ fic or fanart
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justbadpuns:

Jesus christ
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alrightanakin:

James Potter is the guy who was kind of a dick when he got to high school but cleaned up his act by junior year and went on to become a human rights lawyer with the ACLU because he knew he could make more of a difference fighting for what’s right instead of getting into schoolyard brawls

Severus Snape is the guy who thinks that just because you’ve been friends for years you’ll eventually have sex with him and then after you drop him like a hot potato because hes been spending too much time on 4chan and reddit and started hanging out with guys who make racist and sexist remarks and then say “it’s just a joke!!” only for him to call you a slur in front of the whole school he joins a white supremacist group with his new buds and starts harassing women and minorities online and then in public and then is arrested for planning to shoot up a women’s college only to get off because he’s a white guy and now he teaches at your old high school
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geniewithwifi:

matt-the-blind-cinnamon-roll:

zaubermauz:

haveabiscxitpotter:

our-hideout-world:

“”EXPECTO PATRONUM!” Harry yelled. Nothing happened. Harry gripped his dick tighter and shook it up and down until a thick, whispy white substance protruded from the end of it.” 

“Panting, Harry fell forwards over the hydrangea bush, straightened up and stared around. There were several faces peering through various nearby windows. Harry stuffed his dick hastily back into his jeans and tried to look innocent.”

“He had not been this close to Malfoy since he had watched him muttering to Crabbe and Goyle during Dumbledore’s speech about Cedric. He could feel a kind of ringing in his ears. His hand gripped his dick under his robes”

“My dick.” Said Ron. “Look at my dick.” It had snapped, almost in two, and the tip was dangling limply, held on by only a few spare splinters.

Ron struggled for a moment before managing to extract his dick from his trousers. “It’s no wonder I can’t get it out, Hermione, you packed my old jeans, they’re tight!” “Oh, I’m so sorry,” hissed Hermione, and Harry heard her mutter a suggestion as to where Ron could stick his dick instead.
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