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I love how potato in French is pomme de terre, which pretty much means “earth apple.”

like what stupid frenchman saw this:

and said “zis petite légume looks like a, how you say, APPLE! hmmm… but it grows in ze earth… HON HON HON! MAIS OUI! C’EST UNE POMME DE TERRE!”

j’adore comment ananas se dit pineapple en anglais, ce qui veut littéralement dire “pomme de pin”, genre quel type anglais a vu ça:

et s’est dit : “ow cette étrange big fruit ressemble à une, how do you say, POMME! hmmm… mais plutôt une pomme qui pousse dans les pins… HU HU HU! OH YES, IT’S A PINEAPPLE!”
(z’avez vu, on peut le faire aussi… hon hon hon!)

I can’t even read French and I’m laughing my ass off

This is good
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New PETA ad looks like two guys had a threesome with a chicken and she completely blew their minds.

“we must never speak of this”

I legitimately have no idea what this ad was otherwise trying to convey

like seriouslyI know that they’re utterly stupid in every waybut what even the hell

looks to me like each of them thinks the other one brought the chicken and they’re trying to think how to say “that is a really disturbing kink and i’m upset you didn’t warn me” without being closed-minded

meanwhile the chicken just wandered in through an open window and found this nice place to lay an egg she doesn’t care she’s busy

i seldom care what peta has to say but in this case i legitimately can’t tell what their message is so i’m just going to go with “random chicken sitcom moment” and imagine all the wacky misunderstandings that occur as they both try to be okay with their boyfriend having super weird kinks, until their neighbor comes over to reclaim her chicken and they realize their sex life is actually kind of vanilla and now they’re a little disappointed

maybe the chicken is doing like how kitties do–they just kinda hop on the bed and don’t care what anyone else is up to, it’s time to curl up near the humans now. 

or maybe she heard there were two cocks in the vicinity? 8)

and maybe the dudes are making faces like that because they just realized they’re in a PETA commercial zzzzzZZZING
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So I coloured in this gif just to see how it’d look….
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Did anyone notice how quickly the internet turned into a Lovecraftian horror scenario?

Like we’ve got this dimension right next to ours, that extends across the entire planet, and it is just brimming with nightmares. We have spambots, viruses, ransomware, this endless legion of malevolent entities that are blindly probing us for weaknesses, seeking only to corrupt, to thieve, to destroy.

Add onto that the corrupted ones themselves, humans who’ve abandoned morality and given up faces to hunt other people, jeering them, lashing out, seeing how easy it is to kill something you can’t touch or see or smell. They’ll corrupt anything they think could be a vessel for their message and they’ll jabber madly at any who question them. Their chittering haunts every corner of the internet. They are not unlike the spambots in some ways.

Add on top of that the arcane magisters, who are forever working at the cracks between our world and the world we made. Some of them do it for fun, some of them do it for wealth, others do it for the power of nations unwise enough to trust them. There are mages who work to defend against this particular evil, but they are mad prophets, and their advice is almost never heeded, even by those who keep them as protection.

All people know several spells to use the internet. Facebook asks you for the magic words to log in, so does your email, so does your twitter and on and on. The spells are words or a gesture with the hand, some use the colour of your eyes, or the shape of your finger. Our chief of security joked about requiring users to give a drop of blood before they could log in. Many do not understand the humour of mages.

The cracks between the two are breaking. IP cameras filled our world with eyes and the magisters learned how to open almost all of them. We all carry magic slabs of glass that if you hold it up to your ear can sing to you with a loved one’s voice, but if you look at it with your eyes, can show you a corrupted human with bleeding orange skin scream the profane with a thousand voices. The other day I saw someone hack a moving vehicle. At one point they made it stop. At another they made it so it couldn’t stop. Some of our best and brightest are going to create an army of four winged bats hovering throughout every city and we are going to connect them directly to the dimension where the nightmares live.

I’m not saying it’s all bad, but I am saying Cthulhu lies deathless dreaming in this web we built him and he is waking up.

if you’ve spent your adolescence in the darker and more profane areas of this web you sure as hell don’t develop normal human appetites, that’s for damn sure. you wind up with a hunger for a lot more tentacles than humans are normally equipped with. 
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it doesnt like the camera!!

let it scream its trying its best for people to hear

you ask why it screams but you insult it… had important words to say…now we’ll never know what they are

oh!! youve coaxed it. it will tell you the news!!

it was screaming because it didn’t want you miss out on a present you got :(

it wonders if you’d like to open it?

oh!! it was an invite!!

they hope you enjoy the festivities (screaming) with them!!
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“friendly reminder” posts annoy me, but here’s one anyway:

The word “problematic” was never meant to be the auto-win card of social justice discussions. Problematic is not a synonym for bad or wrong. Problematic literally means that an issue is complicated, open to debate, and raises important questions about an issue, questions that should be analyzed, discussed, and unpacked.

So when you say something is problematic, don’t just lean back in your chair, pat yourself on the back, and call it a day. Go deeper. Get a discussion going. Analyze that shit. Hear from others and come to some tough conclusions.

Saying “we shouldn’t do X because X is problematic” is as nonsensical as saying “the weather outside is weather.”
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Why are characters like Lestat de Lioncourt and Dorian Gray held up as cautionary tales about the personal cost of immortality, anyway? In both stories, it’s an explicit plot point that they were already insufferable wankers before they became immortal.

The cautionary tale is if your dick friend somehow becomes immortal don’t stick around waiting for it to enlighten them bc they’re just gonna get way more into murder than they were before and not much else
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i need feminism because when jesus does a magic trick it’s a goddamn miracle but when a woman does a magic trick she gets burned at the stake


i mean they did also kill jesus. that was a pretty significant thing that happened. like i understand where you’re coming from here but they very much did kill jesus.

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Supporting evidence:

1. Humans say ‘ow’, even if they haven’t actually been hurt. It’s just a thing they say when they think they might have been hurt, but aren’t sure yet.

2. Humans collect shiny things and decorate their bodies and nests with them. The shinier the better, although each individual has a unique taste for style and colouring

3. Humans are not an aquatic or even amphibious species, but they flock to bodies of water simply to play in it. They can’t even hold their breath all that long; they just love to splash!

4. When night falls and the sky goes dark, humans become drowsy and begin to cocoon themselves in soft, fluffy bedding.

5. Some humans spend time in each other’s nests! Just for fun! It’s not their nest; they’re just visiting each other.

6. Some humans use pigments and dyes to make their bodies flashy and colourful! They even attach shiny dangly bits to their cartalidgous membranes!

7. Humans are very clever, and sometimes adopt creatures from other species into their family units. They don’t seem to notice the obvious differences, and often raise them alongside their own young!

8. If a human sees another creature in distress, they can commonly be observed trying to help! Even at their own risk, most humans are deeply compassionate creatures!

9. If a human hears a particularity catchy sound or tune, it will often mimic it, even to the point of annoying themselves!

10. Sneezes are entirely involuntary, and completely adorable. Especially when the human in question becomes frustrated

11. Humans love treats!!! Some more than others. Many humans will save these treats specifically for a later date when they are in need of comfort or reassurance. IE, pickles, pop tarts, Popsicles, etc

12. They’re learning to travel in space!!! They can’t get very far, but they’re trying!!! So far, they’ve made it to the end of their yard, and have found rocks

this sounds like it was written by a really enthusiastic alien humanologist
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the normalization of jealousy as an indicator of love

the idea that a sufficiently intense love is enough to overcome any practical incompatibilities

the idea that you should meet your partner’s every need, and if you don’t, you’re either inadequate or they’re too needy

the idea that a sufficiently intense love should cause you to cease to be attracted to anyone else

the idea that commitment is synonymous with exclusivity

the idea that marriage and children are the only valid teleological justifications for being committed to a relationship

the idea that your insecurities are always your partner’s responsibility to tip-toe around and never your responsibility to work on

the idea that your value to a partner is directly proportional to the amount of time and energy they spend on you, and it is in zero-sum competition with everything else they value in life

the idea that being of value to a partner should always make up a large chunk of how you value yourself

This is excellent

I’m literally gonna reblog this on every single tumblr I have
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Me, a laughing gas tester: this made me laugh way too hard! 😂 😂 😂

Me, a water filter tester: its so pure?? 

Me, a scientist trying to travel at the speed of light: OMG I CAN’T 

Me, a crime scene investigator: 😂😂😂WHO DID THIS😂😂😂

Me, discovering a new species: OwO what’s this?

Me, a talent scout about to make some girl’s dreams come true: who is she?

Me, an editor: delet this

Me, a mediocre blackjack player: ugh I can’t even deal

Me, a polygraph machine operator: where’s the lie
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When someone compliments me I too make a loud, jarring noise

“Hey, I like your shirt”

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there’s a lot of evidence that the iliad and the odyssey were actually composed by a variety of poets through an oral tradition rather than just by one poet, so what if the homeric texts are actually just a very long game of D&D

homer, the dm: okay achilles, agamemnon has just taken away your war prize, what do you want to doachilles’ player: i roll to have a diplomatic conversation with agamemnonachilles’ player: *rolls a 1*homer: you throw the staff of speaking at agamemnon’s face and storm off to sulk with your boyfriend

Homer, the DM: Your beautiful Patroclus is dead. What do you do?Achilles’ player: I fight everyone.Homer, the DM: You can’t fight everyone. How would you even–Achilles’ player: *rolls a 20* I fight everyone.Homer, the DM: *sighs* Fine. You cut a path through the Trojan army, enemy dead strewn in your wake.Achilles’ player: How many?Homer, the DM: …lots. Enough to clog the friggin’ river with bodies.Achilles’ player: I fight the river.Homer, the DM: You. can. not. fight. the. river.Achilles’ player: *reaches for dice*
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it will be a cold day in hell before I give up eating banana skeletons
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*basket of kittens happens*
*dogs stop what they’re doing to watch kittens*
*humans stop what they’re doing to watch dogs watching kittens*

*tumblr users stop what they’re doing to watch humans watch dogs watch kittins*

*NSA stops what it’s doing to watch tumblr users watch humans watch dogs watching kittens*
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I sent an application in and got accepted
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history is fucked up and it sucks because all the people in it who had great viable werewolf names weren’t werewolves. like what the shit. if you knew nothing about history or literature i guess or whatever you’d see names like “virginia woolf” and “oscar wilde” and be like. ah yes. these are definitely some prime secret werewolf poorly masquerading as human intellectual situations? but neither of those people were real live werewolves, factually speaking? they did not take advantage of that opportunity. and i think we are all worse off for it actually 

I have a degree in history and I can say with some degree of scholarly confidence that you cannot definitively prove either of these people were not secret werewolves
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the robot apocalypse will be caused by people talking about the robot apocalypse so much that the robots will think that’s what we want and they’re just trying their best
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