May. 20th, 2017

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evillordzog:

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

jedifinnrey:

snape could’ve been an awesome teacher if he wasn’t a disgusting waste of a human being. he knew from age 16 that the instuctions that the textbooks were giving weren’t as good as they could be. he improved the potions and recorded his methods at age 16. if he weren’t such a shitbag, he could’ve either written the damn textbooks himself, or taught his students his alternate methods. he could’ve revolutionized how potions were being brewed, teaching whole generations a superior method of potion brewing. instead, he spent his time bullying children. 

He could have become rich and famous and been one of the most well regarded wizards of his age with his knowledge of spells and potions

But instead he decided “The girl i hurled racial slurs at put me in the Friend Zone so I’m gonna go become a Magic Nazi and then spend the remainder of my adult years emotionally abusing twelve year olds”

He could have become everything a Slytherin should have been instead of the epitome of what everyone else thinks they are.
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space-flannel:

ayanamis-guro-blog:

lilybf:

frostytips:

space-flannel:

Space is a lesbian that’s why it’s a GALaxy

Just galaxies being palaxies.

I recognise it’s problematic and may be really destructive and bad representation but I ship Milky and Andi pretty hard uwu

THE MILKY WAY AND ANDROMEDA GALAXIES ARE LITERALLY GOING TO MERGE IN 100 BILLION YEARS

slow burn
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hotsenator:

If we would all please take a look at the cutest planter in the world that I’m going to buy and love and care for
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queenoftheantz:

We had an interaction assignment, and GUESS WHAT I DID!!!
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lukshiznits:

the next Velvet Room attendant looks great
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sisterbootknife:

skalja:

feijoalife:

usedkarma:

roceemo:

beetleboo:

dimedog:

“So this is Jack and he has some sort of type of laryngeal paralysis? At least thats what the vet told me.”

@ literally all of my followers

*deepest voice imaginable* wrow.

I was not expecting this, I couldn’t stop laughing, my stomach hurt oh gawd

i am sorry to all other cat videos ever but i think this one wins forever

I literally giggled with delight through the entire video, this is a must-watch.

Paging @wintersoldierfell and @springsnotfail
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iampikachuhearmeroar:

intimatepasta:

retiredjesus:

what if one day tumblr decided to reveal all anon messages

I have a story!!!

One time someone from my school made this confession page on Twitter that you could text and it would immediately post on the Twitter page, completely anonymously. It spread really quickly and everyone knew by the second day it was going on. Some awful things were being said on it, I mean literally no one was spared. No one had any clue who was running it and they wouldn’t filter any messages. The school board got so sick of this account that they contacted authorities to see what they could do to shut it down, but since it wasn’t affiliated with the school, technically, they couldn’t shut it down.

So, this went on for four days, just awful messages being posted about one another with no clue who was posting them (as anyone could text the number to send in). Then came the finale which changed everything. At eight, they would accept any DMs and post them, any texts, and then post them all at once at midnight. Everyone was rushing to send in their confessions, and like 100 or so came in.

Midnight comes. Messages flood in. Then the owner posts something a little weird, along the lines of, ‘Nothing was anonymous after all’. And posts a fUCKING LINK WITH ALL THE NUMBERS AND THE MESSAGES EACH POSTED AND SCREENSHOTS OF ALL DMS AND THE NEXT DAY THERE WERE LITERALLY FIVE DIFFERENT FIGHTS

that’s some regina george level shit right there
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pardonmewhileipanic:

baawri:

Aishwarya Rai at the 70th annual Cannes Film Festival on May 19, 2017 in Cannes, France

cinderella looks like omg
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Photo

May. 20th, 2017 04:40 am
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chrysalisamidst:

88floors:

Trialogo series By Gonzalo Orquin will finally be shown in New York after the Vatican threatened to sue the artist at the showing in Rome

’An art gallery in Rome last year covered up the exhibition of photographs showing same-sex couples kissing in churches, following the legal threat by the Vatican.’

This is exactly like a music video treatment I’ve been thinking abt for the last seven years
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The Fool: Now what?
The Magician: You should really do the Thing
The High Priestess: You should think about what happens when you do the Thing
The Empress: Here are the means for you to do the Thing
The Emperor: Here are the rules you need to follow to do the Thing
The Hierophant: You probably shouldn't do the Thing
The Lovers: I'm going to decide for myself if I should do the Thing or not
The Chariot: I'm gOING TO DO THE THING
Strength: Whoa there friend have some self-control while you try to do the thing
The Hermit: Observe how other people do the Thing and learn from this
Wheel of Fortune: HAAAHAAHA THIS SETBACK IS KEEPING YOU FROM DOING THE THING HA HAAAA
Justice: Maybe I deserved that for trying to do the Thing
The Hanged Man: Trying to do the Thing has fucked my life over what the shit
Death: Trying to do the Thing has changed me beyond all comprehension. I DON'T LIKE CHANGE
Temperance: I'm trying to get back how I used to be before I tried to do the Thing
The Devil: I DON'T WANNA DO THE THING I WANNA STAY HOME AND DRINK AND EAT TEN CHEESEBURGER WAAAH
The Tower: Everything I knew before I tried to do the Thing was a lie. I am completely changed
The Star: Maybe there's hope for me to actually do the Thing
The Moon: I'M NOT SURE IF I'M MAKING PROGRESS WITH DOING THE THING YET????
The Sun: Wow I may actually be able to do the Thing
Judgment: Looks back fondly on the Journey that I took in order to do the Thing
The World: I did the Thing
The Fool: Now what?
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zombiekougra:

The reason hitler and nazism was ever able to rise to power was that every time hitler did something the us and other world powers were just like “come on hitler :/ that’s not cool :/” instead of acting immediately we ended up with an entire world war that resulted in the deaths of millions of people, mainly Jewish people

So no sitting idly by while another fucking nazi group goes around saying shit like “are Jews people?” And “do we need a black race?” Is not the fucking answer. Sometimes you gotta punch a nazi in the fucking face so their wimp ass will be too afraid to show themselves in public for the foreseeable future
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the-chemical-pilot:

bubblebitch101:

ducksaysm00:

mmmmiilk:

There are 4 things I learned when I was 25:

You do not have to be affectionate all the time to care for someone, in fact, caring can also mean a couple of texts or silence for a few days while you both live your lives happily and separately.

People do not care for you less when they’re busy with their own lives. It’s your reaction to them being their own person - and your ability to make yourself happy - that determines how they feel about you.

Not everyone reciprocates to your actions the same way. If you want someone to acknowledge, be interested in, or treat you a certain way for your efforts, all you have to do is let them know. They will try their personal best to accommodate that within their personal spectrum of feelings.

No one owes you 100% of them, not even after 30 years, because someone having a percentage of themselves is what keeps them sane at the end of the day and that’s okay.

These things are so important to learn.

This is so important… I’ve just started to come to terms with this in the last couple of days. I don’t want to drain the ones I love, because of my insecurities and I can confidently say I’m doing so well in starting to quiet them.

Wow. This is for real. 
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lysistrescent:

seeingteacupsindragons:

You know what we need more of? Beginner’s classes for adults.

It’s supposed to be really, really good for you to keep learning new things as you age. It helps stave off strokes and dementia and Alzheimer’s and improves memory. And hey, learning stuff is fun.

But I really don’t want to be infantilized when I try to learn something. And I definitely don’t learn the way a child does. And honestly, what adult wants to be in the same class as children? Very few.

This occurred to me recently because I’d like to learn how to actually ice skate properly. My parents never signed me up for classes, because it wasn’t a thing they ever cared about or thought about. Now I’m in my twenties and want to learn, and also don’t want to be surrounded by a bunch of eight-year-olds who probably honestly skate better than I do. Because that’s embarrassing, and embarrassment is not how you learn.

Would it be good to lose the social stigma of being worse at something than a child? Yes. Hell yes. But we’ve got to start somewhere, and like I said: adults don’t really learn the way kids do, and a lot of people use these kinds of activities to make friends, and I don’t want to make friends with an eight-year-old, either.

So.

Beginner’s classes for adults. Let adults suck at stuff and learn how to get better and learn new things and broaden their horizons, while still being treated as adults. Classes for writing, for pottery, for chess, for art, for instruments, for singing, for sports, for chemistry. For everything, dammit.

I am all about this.
I cannot ride a bike.

I can’t swim!
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nonsequiturtle:

half-typing something into yr address bar expecting it to autofill and ending up on google searching tumb or twi is like doing a trust fall and getting fucking dropped
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doobiewrap:

H&M unisex denim collection

I love this so much 

this is still sooo cute ! awe
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someshitstorm:

I still love this gif.

Might be my favorite of all time
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levon76:

vampireapologist:

dead-mothh:

vampireapologist:

vampireapologist:

vampireapologist:

vampireapologist:

downhillcarver:

notveryproductive:

vampireapologist:

vampireapologist:

so one time I was stuck walking about 19 miles at 12 AM above the arctic circle with an Austrian dude who Did Not Like Me and it was horrible until about two hours in I started singing the Krusty Krab Pizza song from the pizza delivery episode and he started talking about the German Spongebob dub and it really brought us together Spongebob transcends borders and language.

he said that overall the german dub is superior but it’s downfall is that Mr. Krabs doesn’t have a sailor accent.

what were you doing walking above the arctic circle in the middle of the night with an Austrian for 19 miles

@vampireapologist, no seriously, SpongeBob transcending language is the most explainable part of your story. What the HELL were you doing walking 19 miles in the arctic circle with an unfriendly Austrian?!

This is a very Very long story that begins with King Lear and ends with trench foot.

Okay, by request, here it is, as abridged as possible:

I was living on a farm at the tippy-top of Norway a few years ago.

The shower drain had some clogging issues, and ANY time ANYONE showered, it would sort of flood the bathroom. No biggy, we just used a big squeegy-on-a-stick to push it into a drain in the floor.

I know this seems off-topic, but the thing is I cannot remember why this guy and I didn’t get along. We had a lot of similar interests and were both decently polite people, so looking at it on paper we should’ve been at least casual friends. But we Could Not Stand each other, and now all I really remember clearly is that SOMEHOW any time this guy showered, the floor didn’t flood for him. And I’m telling you it flooded for EVERYONE else.

Idk if he had some sort of magical powers?? He was like 6′4″ with hair to his mid-back and beautiful Viking tattoos he did himself so honestly he Might have had command over running water in small doses. Idk we’ll never know.

Anyway the problem was he always showered Right After Me, so to him it seemed like I alone was bringing this watery plight upon our home. So one morning he finally lost is patience totally, and we started shouting at each other.

I cannot believe this dude got me yelling, tbh. In front of everyone!! At breakfast!!

Anyway. That’s our dramatic backstory.

So I found out the play King Lear was coming to town, and King Lear was basically the only Shakespearean I’d never seen or read; I didn’t know much Norwegian yet and was curious how much of the plot I could pick up just from acting cues. I thought it’d be a neat experiment and bought a ticket. The dude (I’ll call him Rocket for various reasons) wanted to come too, and I thought “hell, we can get along on a 40 minute bus ride, and then we don’t have to talk during the play. It’ll be fine.”

And it was. We had fun on the way there, and the only complication was SUPPOSED TO BE that the last bus to the farm left before the play ended, so we were gonna need to sleep at a bus stop on the outskirts of town and wait for the first one in the morning. Again, No Big. A lot of backpackers came through the area, and nobody would mind us as long as we were polite.

So, the play ends (unrelated, but during the first act–and this was King Lear–the cast broke into a FULL performance of “What’s New Pussycat” and I have NO IDEA WHY. I asked Rocket since he speaks Norwegian, and he said not even he knew?? This mystery will haunt me until the day I die.)

We get outside, ready to hit the bus stop and get to sleep.

I hugged this butt statue outside th theatre which is also unrelated but it was good.

Now, mind you it is damn near October, above the Arctic Circle, after midnight. It’s cold, and it’s getting colder. So once we’re outside, I start layering up both under and over my Fancy Theatre Dress. All the way down to a pair of wool thermal long underwear.

This is a photo of me from that night (without my mittens on, which I also needed).

So as I stand there, pulling on my winter camping pajamas and changing into wool socks, Rocket puts on. A Leather Jacket.

I’m dutifully horrified. “Is that all you have?”

“Yeah” he shrugs.

So we make it to the bus stop about 30 minutes on-foot outta town and hunker down to sleep. And then Rocket wakes me up a little while later because SURPRISE!!!! HE’S FUCKING FREEZING!!!!!!

In fact, even I’m a little cold, so I know this dude must be absolutely miserable. I’m looking at him, and I know what we have to do. But I don’t wanna. Be we gotta.

“Okay…Let’s walk home.”

Now at the TIME I’m being really optimistic. Naively optimistic. STUPIDLY FUCKING OPTIMISTIC. “How far could it be?” 19 miles is the answer. But I’ve never walked 19 miles after working in a field all day and then staying up past midnight. I have no idea that we’re both fucked.

And I’m being optimistic.

SO, with “What’s New Pussycat” stuck in our heads, we head for home.

BAD!!!!!!

It’s FREEZING. I offer him  the extra scarf (and I think gloves?) that I keep in my bag, which made life a little better for him. And I’m somehow being more sympathetic than irritated that All He Packed Is A Leather Jacket. What do i know about the guy? Maybe he doesn’t have experience with weather like this and is decently embarrassed? I’m exhausted and worried about him and that’s about all the room for emotions I have at this point.

I have been trying and failing to hitch hike for about an hour now. Failing, because nobody fucking lives out here and drives by in the middle of the night. AND the two people who did pass us saw an exhausted girl shrouded in fifteen layers of winter-wear ambiguity, standing next to Thor’s human incarnation.

We weren’t getting a lift.

Anyway, to cut to the chase, the next seven+ hours are hellish. Walking next to the ocean is As Close as possible on this mortal realm to walking in Limbo The ONLY thing we have to mark our progress is a distant glacier on a mountain. And we never seem to be any nearer or further to or from it.

In our exhaustion, we keep stopping at bus stops to take naps until it gets too cold and we start walking again.

When we run out of bus stops, we sleep for about 20 minutes on a pile of gravel in an open construction yard, because it’s warmer than the ground.

At one stop, Rocket finds out he has developed trench foot. Wow!!! I tell him! This is so random but I can only ever find decently warm wool socks in men’s sizes, and I have an extra pair that will fit him! Dry feet, problem solved!

He says no thank you.

Life is miserable, but we’re talking so we don’t cry I guess.

I don’t remember anything else we discussed that night but Spongebob when i started singing the Krusty Krab Pizza song since it fit the situation. Also we talked about the German Spongebob dub and how he likes it better except for Mr. Krabs’s voice.

SO. Against all odds, we make it 17 miles, and the sun’s coming up. Some cars start coming by every 15-20 minutes, and I start sticking out my thumb again, hoping it’s a universal signal.

FINALLY this fisherman on the way home from a night of work and ACTUALLY GOING our direction instead of into town pulls over and lets us in. I don’t even know at first if he speaks English, but I start recounting the night of our Struggles, and he nods along politely since I’m clearly too far fucking gone to be grateful for the ride and just Shut Up.

He actually knows where our farm is and drops us off at about 7:30, and I swear I almost don’t make it to my bed.

Anyway, I WAKE UP AT 2 PM AND FIND OUT ROCKET HAS TOLD EVERYONE WE WERE BOTH UNDERPREPARED AND COLD and I have A THING OR TWO to say about that.

As for him, with his trench foot he can’t work for two days, and I would feel worse if he hadn’t refused the extra socks for unknown reasons.

Still, we definitely bonded that night, and for the rest of our time together in the house we get along pretty well, drinking beers and making Spongebob jokes with a mutual acknowledgement of what we went through and respect for each other.

So there ya go. Spongebob gave us the will to Go On.

Or something.

OKAY SOME PEOPLE HAVE MADE SORT OF MEAN COMMENTS THAT MAKE ME FEEL “EEEHHHH” SO!Rocket and I for whatever reason REALLY got on each other’s nerves most of the time, and this was THE BIG HAPPENING. I think he was a pretty irritable person, and for whatever reason I rubbed him the wrong way.HOWEVER, FUNDAMENTALLY he was a good dude who worked hard in the fields with us and told funny jokes and I was even really glad to have him with me to camp at a bus stop because I felt much safer than I would have alone and as much as we annoyed each other I did trust him.So Rocket was ultimately a Good Person with whom I often didn’t get along.Which isn’t some terrible sin.So please don’t say any nasty mean stuff about him that will make me regret telling this funny story. Thank you!!

people keep tagging this as “I hope this is true”Like I included pictures of me theredo you think I went to the far north of Norway to work on a potato farm but once I got there I thought “hm this isn’t exciting ENOUGh I better make up a lie to spice it up”you absolute dunks

this was super great to read??? i love the, the entire idea of this whole story is great it was probably awful in the moment but, like, evocative dang

This is the first time someone has drawn any of my Life Stories TM, and I’m laughing out loud!!!

“take the damn socks?? ? ?? ? ? ? ?” 

This is so freaking wonderful, thank you!!!!!!

Have you tried socks knitted from yarn spun from dog fur? Seriously. I have a hat made from dog fur, proper name is chiengora, and it’s amazing.

Not dog, but angora rabbit I have! Softest socks to have ever graced my undeserving feet. Generally, however, I like my wool items made from alpaca. It’s expensive, but I’ve been winter-camping for ten+ years, so my once modest collection has built over a long time.

okay your life sounds freaking amazing
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sheerdisneymagic:

diagonally:

a concept: me, going to bed on time and eating right

I love that on tumblr we can talk about our wildest fantasies
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bravenewcliche:

My favorite quote from Firefly. Seems pretty relevant right now tbh.
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organized-studies:

kindnessandgoodvibrations:

kindnessandgoodvibrations:

ghostoftwentysomethingspresent:

madsciences:

awfullydull:

markrial:

tramampoline:

slow-riot:

Weirdly anti-millennial articles have scraped the bottom of the barrel so hard that they are now two feet down into the topsoil

its so wild like “this generation with no fucking money is learning to prioritize essentials” and all these chucklefucks can write is advertisements for these companies

at least our jeans won’t tear at the seams after two washes

FUCK FABRIC SOFTENER IT’S UTTERLY POINTLESS

AND FUCK DRYER SHEETS LITERALLY NOBODY EVER HAS ENOUGH OF A PROBLEM WITH STATIC TO WARRANT PAYING OUT THE ASS FOR THAT SHIT

DO YOU WANT CLEAN CLOTHES? YOU DON’T EVEN NEED TO BUY FUCKING DETERGENT JUST MAKE YOUR OWN* IT’S SO GODDAMN EASY AND 80X CHEAPER

FUCK THE ENTIRE LAUNDRY INDUSTRY
*Fuck The Entire Laundry Industry Recipe

1 cup Washing Soda (not Baking Soda. Different things.)

1 cup Borax (not Boric Acid. Also a different thing.)

½ cup - 1 cup grated bar soap (you can use literally anything. I often use Ivory because it’s easy to get and I find it works well, a lot of people like Fels-Naptha, which is an actual laundry bar. Some people use Dr. Bronner’s. Really does not fucking matter.)
After grating your soap, combine all ingredients. That’s it. That’s the whole thing. Use maybe a ¼ cup per load.

^^^ I’ve done this for years now and it works as well as any store bought detergent

WHAT
Thank you, tumblr user awfullydull! Your URL does no justice to the good advice you give!

Also you can MAKE your own washing soda very VERY cheaply.

Step one: acquire $5 bag of baking soda from Costco.

Step two: lay that motherfucking baking soda out on a baking tray.

Step three: bake the baking soda on a tray in an oven at 400° for 1 hour (to make the moisture evaporate, leaving washing soda)

Step four: revel in how easy and cheap it is to make your own washing soda, and maybe take a moment to be angry that the industry upcharges the fuck out of something that is so easy to make.

I see some of y'all complaining about static and/or wanting nice smelling laundry. Go to a craft store, find 100% wool yarn balls. If it doesn’t come in a ball, ask an employee to make it into a tight ball for you. Wash in the washing machine to make it felted. Remove from washer, add a few drops of essential oil to the ball, allow to seep in. Dry with clothing. Doesn’t need to be rewashed ever, and if it stops smelling, add few more drops of essential oil. Bam, reusable dryer sheets.

I love this post so much it’s filled with helpful advice, hatred, saving money, and fucking the system all in one
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coonfootproductions:

micdotcom:

‘The Simpsons’ scathing review of Trump’s first 100 days is too real

Marge is me
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stinkstar:

stayingwoke:

Today in :When you forget to hide your racism News

Australian TV host congratulates a biracial girl for inheriting white skin vs. brown skin.

Omfg
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leonerdsmccoy:

leonerdsmccoy:

Kevin Bacon lashes sexist trend of unnecessary female nudity in cinema and television and demands more male nudity in Hollywood.

Kevin Bacon is a blessing
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Prince Ali

Mighty is he
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