Mar. 19th, 2017

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If you’re awake between 3 AM and 6 AM you’re appropriating lycanthrope culture and you need to go to sleep and check your privilege

This is blatant vampire erasure.

Go write a sad poem about it

My name is Vlad
and wen its nite
or wen the wolves
art pohsting shite
and all discourse
haf gon to dogs -
i stay up late.
i clik ‘reblog’
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man in a store: *opens up wallet and theres just a cobweb in there* ahh fuck :/

spider in the roof of the store: *opens up wallet and theres just a bunch of money in there* ahh shit ::::/
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When someone follows you and they’re NOT a porn bot:
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The Raven

There once was a girl named Lenore
And a bird and a bust and a door
And a guy with depression
And a whole lot of questions
And the bird always says “Nevermore.”

Footprints in the Sand
There was a man who, at low tide
Would walk with the Lord by his side
Jesus said “Now look back;
You’ll see one set of tracks.
That’s when you got a piggy-back ride.”

Response to ‘This Is Just To Say’
This note on the fridge is to say
That those ripe plums that you put away
Well, I ate them last night
They tasted all right
Plus I slept with your sister. M’kay?

Stopping by the Woods on a Snowy Evening
There once was a horse-riding chap
Who took a trip in a cold snap
He stopped in the snow
But he soon had to go:
He was miles away from a nap.

Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night
There was an old father of Dylan
Who was seriously, mortally illin’
“I want,” Dylan said
“You to bitch till you’re dead.
“I’ll be pissed if you kick it while chillin’.”

I Wandered Lonely As a Cloud
There once was a poet named Will
Who tramped his way over a hill
And was speechless for hours
Over some stupid flowers
This was years before TV, but still.

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When I was a wee thing, my parents moved out the the Highly dubious condo in East Palo Alto and into a relatively nice suburban neighborhood, into a house immediately across the street from my new elementary school.  Immediate, as in, less than 40 feet from the traffic circle.   Mom would wave at me from the driveway sometimes while I was in class.  This should have made getting me to and from school easy, but there was an issue:

I still had to cross the street, and because I was living in the over-caffeinated heart of silicon valley at the time, that meant dodging the local commuters barreling through the school zone at upwards of 40 miles per hour with no regard for the stop signs.

The flashing “School Zone” signs were ignored.  
The city refused to put in speed bumps or devote extra patrol cars.
One of my classmates grandmother’s volunteered as crossing guard, and some jackass in a BMW ran over her foot on the first day.
Now, mom declared as we drove Mrs. Manchez to the hospital her foot in a beer cooler full of ice, Would be a good time to take the law into my own hands.

So after dropping Mrs. Manchez off at the hospital, we drove to the thrift store, where my mom found a navy blazer, aviator sunglasses, a pilot’s cap and an old, clunky-looking hair dryer.  

The next morning, mom went out to the sidewalk in her new “uniform”, with the hair dryer and a legal pad so she could write down the grocery list.  Every time a car would come roaring down the road, Mom would look up, point the hairdryer at them, and, and write something down.  

I remember listening to brakes squeal all day the first time she tried it, Mercedes and BMWs screeching to a crawl as they passed the school, glaring at her.   By that afternoon, cars were creeping along at an over-cautious 10mph, and I was able to get home without taking my life into my hands.

After that, Mom went out “in uniform” every couple of days, because intermittent re-enforcement is what REALLY gets a change in behavior going, and point the hair dryer at anyone speeding through the school zone, usually while writing down grocery lists or short stories, or drawing unflattering caricatures of the other PTA moms.
Eventually, however, one of the cars that came through was a patrol car, and he slowly pulled to a halt in front of mom, glaring at her though his own reflective glasses.
She smiled an waved the hair dryer.  “Good afternoon!”
“…What’re you doing?”  he groaned, 3 in the afternoon entirely too early for this shit.

“Writin’ a grocery list.”  She beamed, and when that failed to satisfy him, she explained about the speeding problem and that if they couldn’t send a partol car out here to ticket people regularly, she figured that a hair dryer would be the next best thing.  Working like a charm so far.  They didn’t even notice the little airplanes on the Pilot’s hat.

The officer stared at her for a moment longer before his face broke out into a slow grin.  “Y’know, when we’re out of a car, we usually wear visibility vests.  So more people see you and your… Phaser.”
And that’s the story of how Mom and Officer Brown met and started the neighborhood watch program.
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I kind of wish that the idea that you can just be was a little more mainstream.

Like, having drive and ambition is great. But it gets drilled in kids’ heads that there is some pressure to constantly be looking for the next move up, to be bigger than life. It wears you down to never be satisfied.

Not everyone is destined for greatness. It just doesn’t suit some people.

There’s nothing wrong with having a quiet life, making enough to get by, having a small apartment where you’re comfortable, and just living. You don’t have to constantly be looking to go onward and upwards. Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is to just be.
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stop believing that you ran out of time to shape yourself into who you want to be! stop believing that its ruined! stop believing you don’t have potential! you are not a fixed being! you have endless opportunities to grow.
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Friendly reminder how to actually use band aids on fingertips because we see people doing it wrong all the time.

KO wanted to point this out! Properly applied medical bandaging wether it’s metal mesh to human bandaids is his thing.
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Tips for respecting children’s spaces, competence, and general existence from a preschool teacher:

Listen to them

Ask them, “Do you want to say hi to your auntie/grandma/cousin/dad/whatevs” (Hint: they will be honest and this can result in a simple hello or a hug or a silly “No!” depending how comfortable they feel)

If they don’t want to hug you realize it’s not that they don’t love you it’s that they don’t know you/don’t feel like hugging.

Just like every other person who doesn’t want a hug

In the event that you need to move a child EXPLAIN TO THEM WHY and WHAT YOU ARE DOING don’t just move them like PROPS they are CHILDREN and NOT props

For instance, “I’m going to move your chair over so we have room at the table for everyone!”

Or  “Sorry there was a person running by I didn’t want you to get smushed so I had to pick you up!”

Remind them that they are people not objects using your actions

Asking children to do something they don’t want to do but NEED to do often doesn’t work, instead give them a choice, “Do you want to eat bok choy or yams?”

NOT “Do you want to eat your vegetables?”

“Do you want to brush your teeth in the bathroom or the kitchen”

This exercises their ever-growing free will and is especially useful during TERRIFIC TWOS okay TERRIFIC not TERRIBLE they’re TERRIFIC

Children will copy you, MODEL FOR THEM

Being over enthusiastic IS beneficial for them understanding emotional and social competence

“I hung this picture uneven, that makes me sad, hmmm! Oh goodie, I found my mistake! Now I can fix it, I’ll feel much happier when I’ve fixed it!”

You think it sounds ridic yeah well hearing you do that children around you just learned to not get so discouraged by their mistakes and that it’s okay to try to fix them


You make a mistake that hurt a child, APOLOGIZE and show them how to do it properly and genuinely

Realize children are fully competent and are capable of making meanings from YOUR implications about race, culture, gender, ability, sexuality, EVERYTHING

Many three year olds know what the N-word is, what gay means, can identify which children are visably disabled, and YOUR REACTIONS of their answers of questions about their culture

Children like to talk about themselves so do not ever dismiss what they say about themselves as illegitimate just because it sounds silly or unlikely sometimes it’s true

Stop talking about how you hate children, just leave them alone if you don’t understand them you don’t have to be complete jerks to PEOPLE you’ve never met

I will post more and if people have question PLS ASK ME I WOULD LOVE TO ANSWER WHAT I KNOW
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Mar. 19th, 2017 03:57 pm
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Mar. 19th, 2017 05:07 pm
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Today I learned that cuttlefish experience REM sleep, and that it makes their skin flash random colors. This is the cutest thing ever.

The electric eel at my aquarium has a voltmeter attached to his tank, and whenever he pumps out a burst of electricity–either when he’s navigating his tank or getting fed–the meter lights up and makes noise. Sometimes, I’ll walk past him when he’s snuggled up and totally motionless on his log, and see the voltmeter going crazy.

I am left to assume that he is dreaming, and is sleep-zapping at the things in his dreams.

I am absolutely delighted to learn that electric eels dream of kicking ass.
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Mar. 19th, 2017 07:30 pm
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Every version of dwarves has them being almost constantly armoured, and living in huge fortresses and underground tunnels, usually with some super-dramatic main gate that’s twenty feet high and about three feet thick.

What if there’s a reason for that? Like, they weren’t always a race of warriors and miners who almost never showed themselves above ground?

What if they’re the fantasy equivalent of those survivalists who turn their basement into a bomb shelter and fill the place with guns and canned food because they’re totally convinced The End Is Nigh?

What about a setting where the dwarves used to be perfectly happy above ground, growing flowers and getting a tan, until some huge disaster happened, and they all went Fuck This. So they dug down and hid away until the zombie horde or magical plague or the horde of rabid squirrels or whatever had passed, but they never forgot, and now their entire species is like “Constant Vigilance!”

There might even be some dwarf cities buried so deep they never heard the disaster ended. A whole city-fortress of paranoid, armed to the teeth dwarves, ready to kick the shit out of anything that isn’t a dwarf.

are you telling me that all this time, dwarves have been doomsday preppers

“Five Reasons to Hoard Gold and Jewels For When SHTF”
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I love locking my door like…you’re not coming in lmfao

This post is honestly so iconic like every time I lock my door I literally think about this
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I beat my depression after 13 years, and started to gain not only my weight back, but my self love as well. I’ve never been so happy, and I’ve never been so fine. Happiness looks so good on me. 
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omg i was on the speech team with this kid in high school now his tweets are going viral i’m so proud
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My name is Bones

And wen its day

I jab you with

A hypospraey

Accept yur fate

With joy I lurk

I vaccinate

I stabb the Kirk
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Every time Trump speaks he sounds like a student who not only didn’t do the reading but had the bad luck of being called on first by the professor so now they have no basis for their bullshitted answer and it’s painfully obvious they don’t know what the hell is going on

As a teacher, I would say that he sounds more like the student who didn’t do the reading but raises their hand to speak anyway because he thinks that he has some profound insight into the material that he hasn’t read and proceeds to spend upwards of ten minutes talking in circles about nothing while me and his classmates are watch in increasing horror and anger as he makes shit up and then corrects me when I correct him.
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put tape over your webcam so some poor hacker doesn’t feel intense second hand embarrassment watching you stare at a blank word document for hours on end
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