Feb. 26th, 2017

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gatheringbones:

When your legacy of trauma/history of abuse/mental illness cause you to treat your friend with disrespect/ cruelty/neglect/manipulation:

you do not get a pass.

Hopefully, your friend understands what you are dealing with and your history, and hopefully they approach you and the hurt that you caused in a calm and compassionate way. “Hey, friend, (this) happened, and I was hurt, and I want that acknowledged, and for both of us to make sure that doesn’t happen again.” or something along those lines. Friends are allowed to do that. Mistakes are made, signals are crossed, it happens every day. At some point you are going to do something shitty, and if you’re at all like me (a history of poor socialization, abuse, and mental illness) you have to learn a lot of things about healthy relationships a whooooole lot later in life, on a much more harshly graded curve. 

But don’t don’t don’t don’t excuse your behavior by going through the whole sad story of Why You Did The Shitty Thing.

Say “I understand how you feel, I will do this this and this to make it better, thank you for telling me that.”

If the act of being called out on hurtful behavior is too painful for you to withstand and there actually isn’t an avenue for your friend to bring up these issues with you, this is not a healthy or safe friendship for either of you. (And, frankly both of you need to do some work. You on how to unlearn various mechanisms that prevent you from providing this basic service, and them on how to be in a healthy and safe friendship where everyone’s needs are met and everyone is treated with respect.)

THAT BEING SAID, if this person calls you out

in a way that is abusive, or vastly exaggerates the harm that you caused

demands incredibly unrealistic compensation, time, or attention

in a passive aggressive way such as giving you the silent treatment, or randomly lashing out, but never actually brings up the grievance at hand so you can resolve it

listens to your fair acknowledgement and response, then makes it clear that they can Never Trust Or Forgive You For This Ever, but they still want to be friends!!!!!!!

just……. leave. This is No Good. This is a bad place to be, and a bad friend to have. 

When you are pre-loaded with a set of bad programming and you have to learn this shit later in life, you’re going to fuck up, you’re going to panic, and be overly defensive, and probably hurt some feelings. When you have absolutely no barometer for good or decent behavior, that isn’t going to match up with everybody else’s barometer!!! It happens!!!! Every damn day!!!!

But if you’re going to have friends, you have to be safe for them to be around. 

And no matter how bad your childhood was, no matter how long it took you to learn the rules of interpersonal behavior: treating people like their emotions matter and they deserve consideration and respect is not. that. hard. 
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Feb. 26th, 2017 12:28 pm
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pheberoni:

commander booty
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cutekittensarefun:

Couldn’t decide if this belonged on r/catbellies, r/delightfullychubby or r/curledfeetsies. So, here’s my cat…
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Feb. 26th, 2017 03:48 pm
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Feb. 26th, 2017 04:58 pm
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katiehuon:

Red red rose
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buckybarrnes:

do you think christer is old enough to understand that the king of norway saved his life
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tastefullyoffensive:

(via LorynBrantz)
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babylonian:

was she teleported there
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kiukkuinen:

Ilmeeni kun työaika 10-18
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redlittleslut:

A few of you want to bend me over something, just realized I don’t really have furniture to support that.
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Rachel

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