Jan. 14th, 2017

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thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

wetorturedsomefolks:

mousethephoenix:

conquerorwurm:

metalgirlysolid:

shrimppunk:

tombstonettromboners:

jewishzevran:

backstageleft:

Okay so @q2qcomics and I are currently apartment hunting for the fall and I just stumbled upon the weirdest apartment ever. 

Like at first, wow this looks nice:

How can it be only $650/mo?? Something’s gotta be wrong with it.

… And then you find the floorplan:

Like… WTF is this place? And you realize it’s on bottom of three “apartment units” (Clearly this was meant to be one big place). 

This is your enterance:

Have fun living in the maintenance hallway under the rich folks. 

It comes with such stunning features as:

Creepy ass long murder hallways.

A room with many doors (all closets).

A bathroom that’s clearly just meant for storage.

And whatever this thing is in your kitchen.

I hope you like wine, A LOT.

this. this is a video game apartment. be wary of lurking assassins. any stray chests probably contain loose gold or weapons

honestly I’d totally live in this amateur counter strike mapper’s first map

I don’t give a shit that the bathroom is in another timezone its cheaper than anything around here

This is literally the first level of Hitman 2

What the fuck

what does it all mean

is it still available

Was this place built by fuckin H.H Holmes or something
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theryanproject:

yupyaki4life:

Yaass

If she don’t get an Oscar and/or Emmy this year I’m fighting all the critics
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victuuri:

fuyuko-chan:

I’m f*cking deceased, the official Merriam-Webster Dictionary tweeted using a Yuri on Ice Gif

Source: https://twitter.com/MerriamWebster/status/819757141561065472

IM CRYING LOOK AT THIS
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theavengers:

Mahershala Ali photographed by Christina von Messling for Brooklyn magazine
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large-gamer-robot:

rasec-wizzlbang:

pondwitch:

why even strawman “anti-sjws” when they actually say stuff like this

I was right

Honestly its amazing how they’re so willing to admit they’re bullies and still think they’re the “good guys”
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kiiouex:

kiiouex:

the best new mechanic in FFXV is that when it rains, everyone’s hair gets drenched and flat and sad, but you can equip them with extra-strength hair gel to prevent this from happening. It takes up a combat accessory slot. But you can do it. 

these are my favourite tags this post has gotten
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the-light-fox:

Look at my smol precious bean. 😻
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emanuzguerra:

My friend sent me this video without context

I’m laughing so hard !
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mooglemisbehaving:

tordotcom:

“You could get away with anything, if you made it fluffy and pink enough. You could destroy the whole world, as long as you were willing to cover it in glitter first.”

@seananmcguire on how My Little Ponies taught her to tell a story.

i feel inspired.
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garagepunk:

when ur the first in the squad to go to bed
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kyraneko:

ivelostallcontrolofmylife:

estebanwaseaten:

hanspolo:

do ittt.  (x)

As someone else pointed out:

Doing this would be extra fantastic because suddenly all of the pre-printed inauguration memorabilia “45th President” stuff Trump has made would suddenly be made inaccurate, as Biden would technically own that title. So they’d either have to scramble to make a bunch of new stuff OR they’d have to go through with the Inauguration without any “46th President” t-shirts or hats or whatever OR all the Trump supporters would just have to buy merchandise that was technically inaccurate.

Can you imagine learning about this in history classes in the future? I would love to be that teacher

Student: so the 45th president was Biden for like, a day?
Teacher: yes
Student: why
Teacher: drama

Imagine Trump supporters caring about being inaccurate.
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angrymintleaf:

marcosclopezblog:

marcosclopezblog:

taiikodon:

pomki:

baconpal:

nononfrag:

osakasa:

This is how I hold a pen in case you were wondering

git gud

Step aside, boys

>using hands.

plebs.

It got better
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frogyell:

“man ur such a pussy” a jock says to me. i laugh. “well,” i begin, looking up at him and popping the collar of my jean jacket, “like they say,” everyone waits in anticipation, “u are what u eat.” the jock dies instantly, the crowd cheers, obama is there,
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winelips1993:

localrose:

localrose:

my sister’s great dane doesn’t fit into store-size doggy clothes so someone custom made flannel pj’s for her and now i’m crying

an update: they are Good Pajamas

@blakemous13
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a-fashion-killa:

aaajmachine:

jenjenmichelle:

Sometimes pictures say a whole lot with no caption whatsoever. This is one.

Fuck

Dawg
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queranruffles:

Wonderful Duplica and me twinned in Metamorphose’s Punkma. I had the most amazing time!
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ryanthepowerbottomguy:

geoff: oh! something exciting happened to me the other day
geoff, concluding his story: so yeah, i’ve been in excruciating pain for the past four days
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gooeychewy:

That Tumblr Mobile™ feel when you open the app after having it closed for a while and you catch a glimpse of a really good post, and you sigh internally because you just know it’s about to be whisked away into the abyss never to be found again as your dashboard automatically refreshes
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Okay friends today we are gonna learn
about the GHOST ARMY, which, disappointingly, was not actually an
army made of ghosts

pictured: the unit patch for the
Ghost Army, which is DOPE AS FUCK

see one of the things that made WWII so
fucking nuts was the totally bizarre level of technology. Like wow we
invented the first real computer and radar but also if you wanted to
see how many troops were hanging out somewhere you had to send a dude
to fly over and take pictures manually??? this left A LOT of room for
shenanigans

so the normal method of dealing with
aerial surveillance was to cover shit with camouflage netting. Say
you’ve got an nice air base that you really don’t want any bombs
dropped on- you literally just cover that with a ludicrous amount of
netting and some fake trees and BAM now it looks like just an empty
field from the air

there’s a building under that weird
lump

that’s cool! That’s
really cool! But not cool enough

At some point
somebody sat down and went “hey wait. What if…what if instead of
disguising buildings and units as fields, we disguise fields as
units”

holy fucking
shit!!!

the British had
used a bunch of fake tanks and like, boxes of provisions stacked up
in tank shape and then covered with a tarp in 1942 during Operation
Bertram and it worked really well, but they didn’t have a special
unit devoted to just clowning on the Germans like that.

so the US military
decides they do want a designated clowning unit and goes out and
recruits a bunch of fucking nerds from all the art schools and makes
them into the 23rd Headquarters Special Troops aka THE
GHOST ARMY, WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU USE ANY OTHER NAME LIKE SERIOUSLY

the ghost army’s
job was basically to go in, sidle up to a real unit, and then
basically set up a fake version of that unit while the actual unit
sneaked away to go dunk on Nazis where the Nazis weren’t expecting
them

okay time to get
into the really cool part of this story, which is HOW the ghost army
faked being a real unit:

step 1: INFLATABLE
TANKS AND AIRCRAFT OH MY GOD

that’s a big ol balloon!!!

the ghost army had
a stockpile of inflatable tanks, aircraft, artillery, cars, whatever,
that they would set up and then poorly cover with camouflage
netting so from the air it looked like someone had just done a
real shit job of hiding actual materiel. They even had dummy soldiers
that they would set up to make the scene look populated, since the
ghost army itself was about 1,000 dudes regularly imitating units of
30,000 men

what’s really cool
is that visual deception was more than just the inflatable stuff
itself. If the ghost army plopped down a balloon tank, they then also
had to go out with shovels and rakes and shit to make a fake track
that a real tank would have left, because it turns out tanks are
really hard on your landscaping

step 2: “spoof
radio”

the last couple of
days before the real unit moved out, the radio operators of the ghost
army would move in. see, radio transmissions were done in Morse code,
and it turns out every radio operator has a slightly different “fist”
when typing Morse. A “fist” is basically typing style- some
people would take longer to type out certain letters or would have
pauses between groups or anything like. Anybody listening to the
radio transmissions who was skilled enough could tell different radio
operators apart from just their fist

anyway the ghost
army operators would move in and basically listen to all the real
unit’s radio transmissions until they had learned the real operators’
fists. Then they would take over radio traffic, imitating that fist
so it seemed like the real operator had never left. I forgot to make
this section funny because I was too caught up in how rad it is SORRY

step 3: making a
lot of noise

the ghost army had
special trucks fitted with huge fuck off speakers and a whole library
of stock sound effects. Once the real unit left and the fake unit
inflated, the sound trucks would come in, select a combination of
sound effects that matched the unit they were impersonating, and then
played everyone in the 15 mile radius of the speakers their fire mix
tape

step 4: fuckin
partying!!!

see the thing about
impersonating your own units is that other allied units would know
about it and might talk about it where enemy collaborators could
hear. So the ghost army had to fool the Germans but they also had to
fool their own army. Every time they impersonated a new unit,
the ghost soldiers would paint that unit’s insignia on all the fake
materiel, make fake signs with the unit’s name and colors, and sew
the unit’s patches on their own uniforms

once they were
dressed up as soldiers from the impersonated unit, the ghost army
dudes would go into town and mingle with other soldiers from actual
fighting units nearby and hang out in bars while loudly saying things
like “YES HELLO I AM DEFINITELY A REAL SOLDIER FROM THE WHATEVER
DIVISION, ABSOLUTELY FOR REAL STATIONED ON THAT HILL OVER THERE”

so anyway this
bunch of weedy American art nerds staged 20+ battlefield deceptions
between 1944 and the end of the war, sometimes fooling that Germans
so successfully that they actually got shelled

I'mma leave you
with this quote from the book “The Ghost Army of World War II” by
Rick Beyer and Elizabeth Sayles, because it’s a quote from an actual
member of the Ghost Army and that alone makes it funnier than
anything I could ever write:

On another
occasion, two Frenchmen on bicycles somehow got through the security
perimeter. Shilstone managed to halt them, but not before they had
seen more than they should. “What they thought they saw was four
GIs picking up a forty-ton Sherman tank and turning it around. They
looked at me, and they were looking for answers, and I finally said
‘The Americans are very strong.‘”
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me: *opens Facebook app*
facebook: you tryna show everybody this slideshow of your titties?
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thebootydiaries:

someone: hey i genuinely care about u and i like u a lot 

my brain: ?? ? time for Joke?? make Joke??? yes??
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good-and-colorful:

jeantes:

When Apollo 11 successfully landed and the images were released, ‘The Sun’ newspaper in Vancouver changed it’s name to ‘The Moon’ to report it.

The exclamation point is a nice touch!
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titenoute:

lornacrowley:

rectaljustice:

overwatchtemp:

The overwatch crew just made something adorable

Like I’m an actual fucking artist and so are a million god damn other people on the planet and the person being recognize for their art by a game company is a fucking child? Nah. So much fuck that.

well if the criteria for recognition is being a fucking child i’d say you still have a chance
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mia7437:

#great now i gotta kinkshame award winning journalist anderson cooper
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identitypoltergeist:

malformalady:

Twinkle Tush is an accessory that hangs from a cat’s tail to cover their butt hole fashionably. Purchase here for $5.99USD

for just 5.99USD you can start explaining to concerned strangers that no your cat most certainly is not wearing a butt plug it’s just a fashionable asshole medallion
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lithping:

name us and the contract will be sealed
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they never stop. that’s why it’s rare to see a lesbian couple in real life. bc they’re inside having sex
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hellnhonor:

bitchsides:

one of my biggest fears is dying after i suck a dick…. like once i watched Law & Order SVU & this dead girl had just sucked dick and had a bunch of semen in her stomach….. if they found me dead with semen in my stomach my mom would kill herself just so she could meet me in hell and beat my ass

ok but what about dying while someone is sucking your dick ? It REALLY happened to a fucking PRESIDENT OF FRANCE, Felix FAURE (1841 - 1899) 

this fucker here

had a fucking attack while his mistress (it wasn’t his fucking wife imagine the scandal) was giving him surely the best blowjob he ever experienced and he died when he reached orgasm

His Mistress Marguerite Stenheil was soon after given a nickname who was also a pun “pompe funèbre” which usually mean mortician I think, but can be understood here as “mortal vacuum” okay I’ll never get over this fact I’m always fucking pissing myself 

google the shit if you don’t believe me

how do I know this ? oh freaking simple I just happen to share the same fucking surname as this classy dude

yeah

Photo

Jan. 14th, 2017 07:01 pm
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Charlie Reynolds
Charlie Reynolds
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lovelysuggestions:

You have survived every moment of your life, even the ones you swore you wouldn’t. This time is no different; you will last.

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Rachel

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